Chapter 3

We both hung up and I got my keys and left to run errands. My mother had me all over Lake Charles paying bills and going to get things from various stores. Finally, I made it back home and it was time to get ready for another night of work. I could not wait to see Lena, Phillip, and Justin. We have so much fun working together. Phillip is another manager and Justin’s older brother. Lena is my friend and daughter I never had though I am only old enough to be her older sister. Justin and I have an attraction to each other but cannot act on it because of our ages. I would have until I found out he was sixteen. I liked him but not enough to go to jail. He is what we call “jailbait” meaning you can look but you definitely do not touch. We are also good friends though, so it all works out.

I got to work, and for some reason I cannot explain, I feel genuinely happy. We all see each other and hug and start talking about our day. When Justin was not around, I told Lena and Phillip what happened that morning and about my attraction to a certain person. Phillip said that he really thinks I should pursue the feelings I am having and see what happens. Lena told me that she thinks I have been hiding my feelings for this person and was just afraid to confront them because of past relationships. Could she be right? Of course, she is. There is no question or doubt in my mind about that fact.

It is only eight o’clock and I have seven hours left before I get off. We have not really had any complaints from customers, but tonight has been a busy one. I am still a little tired from earlier but have more energy than I thought I would. For the first time in months, I am actually very anxious to get off work. At twelve o’clock I start doing some of my inventory so I would not have plenty to do at three. While my crew was busy cleaning and getting things ready for breakfast, I was making phone calls to see about getting a few things from other stores that we needed. At three o’clock I closed down the system and had it back up in five minutes. As I counted all of my drawers down, my mind started wandering to what I had to do that morning. An uncontrollable wave of happiness came over me and it felt wonderful. For the life of me I could not remember feeling like this ever. It was scary and exciting at the same time. I could feel myself smiling from ear to ear. I knew what I had to do.

Tonight has proved to be another long and tiring night, but I managed to keep a smile on my face the entire time and was extra nice to all the customers, even when they were less than nice to my crew and me. They were drunk again being that it was a Friday night and heading out to the clubs to party and get even drunker. That means that I will be dealing with them all again around three o’clock once breakfast starts since I work graveyards, but at least I only have to deal with them for an hour. Once we finally slowed down, Lena came up to me and asked me why I was so happy. The reason she is asking is because normally somebody would have been yelled at or cursed out by me by now, and yet I was just as calm as could be and that is not like me at all. Well I do have calm days but they are few and far between on weekends. Still smiling I just shrugged and walked away. She followed me to the dining room where I was cleaning and asked me again. I turned to her and sighed before answering.

“Lena, it is a little difficult to talk about but I think I am attracted to a friend of mine that is a girl.” She just stared at me for a minute but she didn’t look repulsed so that was a good sign. I think it is anyway.

“Well Renee’, if she makes you smile like this then I wish you both all the happiness in the world.”

I think my jaw hit the ground because I could not have possibly heard what she just said correctly. After regaining my senses I keep talking.

“She doesn’t know that I am interested in her yet. I know she used to be interested in me but I can’t tell if she still feels the same way or not and it is a bit scary to me. What if she isn’t and I open up and tell her? What do I do then?”

“Well you won’t know unless you talk to her. Maybe there is a way you can find out if she is still interested without telling her that you are interested. That way if she isn’t then you won’t get hurt and if she is then you can go ahead and tell her that you’re interested in her as well. You got to take a chance.”

I knew that what she was saying was correct but the fear of rejection will get you if you let it. I sat down for a minute and contemplated what she said while she went to take an order in the drive-thru. “Take a chance.” That is way easier said than done and I have never been a risk taker. “You only live once. What is the worst that can happen? So what if she says no, at least you tried and you get points for trying.” My subconscious has reared her head again and though she is right I wish she would go away. “Oh leave me alone.” I say to myself and continue cleaning the lobby area.

The night passes in a blur and the next thing I know it is time for me to get off. I order my breakfast and warm my car up as usual, but for some reason I hesitate a little in leaving the parking lot. I just sit there thinking about everything I talked to Lena about and about my feelings. “Am I doing the right thing or am I setting myself up for failure?” The one time I need my subconscious to speak up her ass stays silent. I guess I have to figure this out before I pick her up. As if on cue, my cell phone rings and it is Jay calling. “Maybe you’re getting let off the hook and she is calling to say that she doesn’t need you to pick her up.” Oh, so now she wants to speak. Where the hell were you when I needed you to talk? “I figured I would let you dig your own grave. You big chicken! You do not need me to tell you what is right in front of your face. Quit stalling and get it over with already!” I hurry and answer the phone because as usual, she is right.

“Hello.”

“Hey. I was just calling to tell you that I am up and ready.” Her voice sounded so happy just saying that and it made me smile.

“Okay. I will be there in about fifteen minutes. I am pulling out of the parking lot now.” I start to giggle and I realize that I cannot remember the last time someone made me laugh. Her energy is infectious even over the phone. I get interrupted from my giggle fit when she asks me why I am giggling.