Ten
No matter how Aisha tried, Nasir hadn't glanced her a look when on their way back, and it bothered her that she felt like crying. She didn't know she was used to him, talking to him and all those stolen glances through the rear mirror until she had none on their trip back. Mama added more salt to the wound when she kept talking about how she was going to miss Aisha when she was away.
It was dusk already when they arrived home and the house was empty and dry. They had their bathe and Aisha went out to the kitchen before Mama had the chance to. She came out and met her bringing out some recipes while there was a steaming meal on the cooking gas.
Mama sighed appreciatively and smiled at Aisha. “And this is what Nana wants to snatch away from me. She has snatched you away already.” Her voice was low and sad, and Aisha smiled softly at her.
“Mama she can never snatch me away from you. It's just for a matter of time. Whenever I have a break, even for a week I'll be back home. You should go and rest, I'll be done in an hour or more.”
Mama tried protesting that she wanted to help Aisha but Aisha was so persistent that Mama had to leave. Aisha found her solace through cooking. She took it as her own way to evade from her thoughts that were haunting at her. She wanted to cry everything out, but instead, she cooked.
She set the table and went to call Mama in her room. She met her praying and walked out to call Nasir. This was the first time she went to his room, because he always made an appearance where he was needed without making it difficult for them. And whenever Mama was looking for him, she called him.
She stood in front of their chamber, it was a whole new apartment that had only three rooms, a living room and a small kitchen that didn't have anything but its counters. She didn't know which one was his room or where to start with. Saying her salam, she walked inside the living room.
And she was fortunate he walked out of a room looking all fresh. It was obvious he had bathed and prayed all that was expected of him. She stoop up immediately from the sofa she sat on, a minute ago. Fiddling with her fingers, Aisha spoke. “Mama asked me to call you, dinner is ready.” The look he flashed her when he was out of the room had made her up the creek. This was the first time she had seen Nasir not in a good mood.
“Go on, I'll be there now.” He answered and went back into the room.
Aisha gulped down a lump in her throat and tried so hard in suppressing her tears before she walked out. She walked into the living room and found that they weren't out yet. She walked into her room and sat down, thinking about their encounter with Nasir. This wasn't the Nasir she was used to. He wasn't the man she got attached to. As dangerous as it might sound.
“Aisha, come out, let's eat!” She heard Mama's voice from the dining area. She rushed to her toilet and splashed water onto her face. She looked much like her own self now.
She sat down on her chair opposite Nasir, but today, he didn't spared her a glance. She didn't know what was the use of all this. Half way through their meal, Mama watched as all Aisha did to her own plate was scratched her plate on its surface and only ate a spoon or two out of it.
“What's wrong with you, Aisha? Are you sick?” They both looked at her, and she had the chance to have her eyes meddled into Nasir's now.
“I'm not sick, Mama. I just lost my appetite. I'll make something watery and eat.” She excused herself and walked back into the kitchen, feeling as the strong waves of her heart was crashing hard onto her eyes. She wanted to cry so hard. But any minute from now, anyone of them can make an appearance into the kitchen, and so she fought her own tears down.
Nasir knew she couldn't eat because of him. He knew she wasn't used to this side of him. And he too sae this side of himself the first time. He knew it was for her own good, but he didn't imagined her to accept Nana's offer in just a matter of minutes. He thought she would be terrified to go far away from him. A good six hours drive. What had gone into Aisha's head? He guessed he was angry at himself for being angry at Aisha more than he was angry at her.
He watched as she walked out of the kitchen and fleetingly smiled at his parents. “Goodnight, Mama and Baba.” And she set on her heels without even looking at him, and that made him angrier.
Throughout the night, he kept tossing from one side of the bed to the other. And he wished Aisha had a phone, he would've called her and they would settle whatever it is between them. He didn't know it would be this hard and painful for him, but it did. He woke up early the next morning and set to work, he didn't even had breakfast at home, and that bothered Aisha much more than the sleepless night she had.
At noon, Mama walked into her room all decked up. She looked at Aisha and smiled, “I'm going to a my friend's house, Aisha. She's marrying off her daughter this week, so I'm helping with preparations and all. Will you join me?”
Aisha stood up while shaking her head, “No Mama. I'll stay at home and cook before you come back. I wish you a safe trip.”
Mama bid her adieu and she was out in a matter of minutes. She heard as the driver drove the car out and Aisha felt all lonely over again. Not that Mama's presence in the house had lessened anything from her pains and worries. But atleast she knew she wasn't alone.
It was quite too early for her to start cooking lunch now, and she didn't want to stay in her room, wallowing on self pity and what she would like to refer to as a heartbreak. She walked out to the living room and found the perfect angle at the far end of the room. In the sofa she couldn't remember seeing anyone on ever since she came to the house.
She turned on the television and set it on the lowest volume. She could only heard their faint voices while the thunder of het thoughts deafened the sound of the actors. She didn't know the time she had spent there thinking her heart out until she heard as someone turned the door knob. She knew it wasn't Mama, and it can't be Baba. Nasir didn't come back home until it was after 2pm, that's on days he wasn't on call at the hospital.
Who could it be? Fear gnawed at her, and she found herself thinking about Mommy's words as though she was right beside her. She stood up with her body trembling, it was only 12:30pm, who would it be?!
Walking silently, she rushed to the kitchen and couldn't find a decent weapon to have her hands on but the knife. And so she took the longest one of them while she hid carefully behind the fridge.
Nasir walked inside and met no one in the living room but the running television that had its volume turned to the lowest level. He knew Mama had called him and told him that she was out but Aisha was home, he should go back home and eat.
“Aisha!” he called, even though not so softly, but his voice was low.
She was in fear, and when she heard her voice being called, she trembled even more. She wasn't even in her right mind to recognise whose voice it was, only she knew is; Mommy's words. She wouldn't let that to happen to her again. It happened once, she paid Mommy's crimes. This was her own war to fight.
She didn't know she was crying until Nasir heard her whimpering coming from the kitchen and he walked into the kitchen with halting steps. When she heard the footsteps, she shivered in fear and hid more behind the fridge, closing her eyes while the knife fell on the floor with a loud thud. That was what caught Nasir's attention, and ge rushed towards her.
How he met her, with hands wrapped around her body while she shivered in fear. Tears rushing down her cheeks as if she had seen her own death, it broke his heart. He knew it was the trauma hitting at her again. He made the mistake of not knocking and just barging in like that while she knew none of them would be back on that time.
“Aisha...”He called softly, squatting down before her. Her legs had ready gave in when she felt him very close to her.
“It's me, it's Nasir.” He added. And slowly, he watched as her tears started lessening until she wasn't crying anymore, but she still had her eyes clenched shut.
“Open your eyes, Aisha. It's Nasir, I won't hurt you.” It was as if she needed the assurance, because reluctantly her eyes began squinting on their own until they were opened and set on his face.
“Are you the one? What brought you back home? You scared me, Dr.” And she broke into tears. They weren't tears for the fear of what would happen to her, but they were tears of self pity. She had realized what damage those men did on her and what they turned her into, all in the name of paying the price of what she didn't know Mommy did.
“Yes I am. And I promised not to hurt you, ever. Now, get up and wash your face, I came back home because of you.” He wished hugging her wasn't sinful, he would've done that the moment he set his eyes on her crying self. Because it was evident she needed the hug, the calm and soothing word until she fell asleep into his hands, like the baby she was.
Her hands were trembling when she got to the basin and washed her face, but still those tears were too stubborn to stop cascading. He motioned for her to walk to the living and she did, her heart still racing in its ribcage. This was the only thing she had close to a heart attack. After seeing Mommy in the arms of two men, that was the great deal.
He asked her to sit down on a sofa and she did, while trying so hard her to stop her own tears. And she was successful in doing that before he handed her a handkerchief, and she cleared her face away.
“I'm sorry that I scared you this much, Aisha. I didn't know you were in the living room, I would've knocked and you won't be as scared as you are now.” He apologised, feeling as every drop of her tears fell directly onto his skin. It felt like a droplet of fire on his body.
She nodded her head, unable to speak. And they stood there in silence before she finally got a hold of herself and looked at him. He was sitting beside her on a different sofa. There were inches between them, but she felt her heart burning as though he was only an inch apart from her.
“Are you not angry at me anymore?” She asked innocently, and her eyes got filled with tears.
Nasir heaved a sigh and nodded his head at her, “I can't stay angry at you for long, Aisha. I'm sorry I made you sad, or even worse, cry.”
She looked at him again and smiled, a small and rueful smile. “I'm glad you aren't angry anymore. And I'm sorry that I said yes. But please you need to understand me, Dr. It's thr best thing I could do to myself. Staying in Bauchi will never let me heal. Please?” She wanted him to understand her, to read her pains without her voicing it out at him. Because she felt guilty whenever she saw him and knew that she was hiding a huge part of who she was at him. And she was afraid of what would happen between them when he found out.
“I understand you, Aisha. And believe me, I feel so guilty that I couldn't sleep last night. You have a hold on me, it felt so sickening that we fought. And Nana, I'll have to deal with her differently.”
She chuckled softly and glanced up at the clock. “She did nothing wrong, believe. I have to go back to the kitchen and make lunch, time has passed already.”
She walked away and Nasir followed her inside, talking non stop. They were mid way into the conversation when she handed him some onions to chop and laughed so hard at how clueless she seemed.
“You know how to sulk your face from Katsina to Bauchi. Still frown and not even glance at me when we're back, but you can't even dice an onion. What a shame.” She moved towards him and collected the knife, before she asked him to start stirring the soup for her and he did.
“You know, that's the first time I was angry at someone and it showed on my face? I'm so smart in concealing my feelings. But when it comes to you, I didn't know how I could control myself. The anger was surreal and strong it had to show. But again, I'm sorry.”
She smiled and nodded her head. “It's really fine, Dr. If I were you, I don't know what I'd do.”
“Such a relief that you understand how I felt. You just looked at me and said 'Yes Baba. I'd prefer Katsina.' That was a huge blow, Aisha.” He made a face, and this time, Aisha laughed loudly.
“Don't be like a nagging wife, Dr. You said it's fine that you've forgiven me. What again?”
Nasir chuckled, stared deeply into her face and said, “Yes, I won't be like a nagging wife. Now, Aisha, how are you?” And the conversation flowed smoothly until they were done cooking their lunch, with Nasir helping in some placing and doing the tasting job.
It was only Baba that came back, and they had their lunch with him. When Baba asked Nasir, “Why are you back early today?”
Nasir scratched his nape and smiled at him, “I had a headache and was so tired due to the trip. I was lucky to finish the ward rounds early so I drove back home.” He caught a glimpse of Aisha smiling through his peripheral view. How in the whole world could he tell Baba he came back home because they had a fight with Aisha and he couldn't concentrate fully at work while her thoughts were trying to make a bin out of his head?
It had been a week already, and they were having dinner when Baba cleared his throat and they all looked up at him. “Nana had called earlier today, Aisha's admission is already out. The semester starts in two weeks.”
Mama smiled widely and patted Aisha's cold hands on the table. The word university froze the whole liquids flowing in her body. She was afraid, frightened that what if she met someone as conniving and unforgiving as Jaafar? Not that she would dare make the kind of mistake she made. But she was afraid.
What if she went there and met someone that knew Mommy and knew she was her daughter? And the gossip about her being the daughter of a prostitute began circulating around the school that she will hate herself and all that belonged in the school? What if she had no friends? Her case of being raped got leaked to her course mates and they found a hobby out of taunting her?
Numerous what ifs began flowing into her brain and crushing even last flimsiest rope of hope she had. She felt her walls crushing and she didn't know when tears had filled her eyes until she felt the salty liquid of them on her mouth. She felt as Mama squeezed her hands and smiled softly at her.
“You'll be fine, Aisha. Nana is together with you, and if you want anything you can call me or Baba. If you miss home, just call and I'll have Nasir bring you back. Don't cry okay? Or do you want to see me cry with you as well?”
“No, Mama. Thank you.” She cleared her tears away.
“Better stop your tears now, Aisha. Unless you want to see the unstoppable tears of Maryama. She can cry for africa. Nasir, warn Aisha before she starts crying and I'll leave you to console the two women.” Baba joked, and they all laughed. But Aisha felt the timbre of Nasir's laughter, she knew there was more to his laughter.
They finished their dinner before Aisha took the dishes to the kitchen and washed them. They didn't spend much time in the living room today, because everyone had work to do and Mama was busy preparing for her friend's daughter's wedding that was only a day away. She had Aisha taken to the tailor for dinner's ashooke and the clothed were already ready.
Nasir was no where to be found by the time they all said their goodbyes and left to their rooms. Aisha had came out to lock the door when she heard the faint knock. She opened the door slowly and came in contact with Nasir. He stood there with his left hand in his pocket while his right hand was holding a neatly folded paper.
He handed her the paper and she asked, “Am I to give it to Baba or Mama?”
He smiled warmly, “No, it's for you. Goodnight.”
“Okay. Goodnight, Dr.” She watched as he walked away before she locked the door and went directly to her room, she couldn't wait to unfold the neatly creased paper.