Twenty
Life had never gone as fast as it did, for Aisha. This was the second holiday she had spent. She was already in he second year, and it felt so good seeing how time was passing by. She knew some things would forever remain unchanged, but she was more than thankful for what she had. The only problem she had was Abba. Up till today, he had been a pain in the neck for her.
Abba made sure he made her feel unwanted and he made her felt low and unworthy of herself. He wasn’t always at home, merely a few weeks when she was at home. But it was still the worst weekends she had whenever he was home. And what she hated was the kind of looks he flashed at her, there were amalgamation of hatred and what she would love not to be as lust.
She had gone out with Nasir, and he dropped her off at the gate and drove to the hospital. She walked into the living room, but the ambiance she felt wasn’t good at all. Mama was crying while sitting on a sofa while Baba was standing, facing to and fro in the room.
She didn’t know he was back, until she saw him seated at the far end of the living room. They were all angry, lost and sad. Mama was no where to stopping her tears, and Aisha had never seen Baba as angry as he was, today.
Silently, while trying so hard not to make a sound, she slipped into her room and locked it off. Eventhough she couldn’t put a finger at what Baba was saying, but his voice was raised to the highest degree. She felt restless, hearing the cries of Mama rising from every word Baba had uttered.
She wished she had a phone, she would’ve called Nasir and urged him to come back home. She hated Mama’s tears as much as she hated to think about Madina. Thankfully, Mama seldom cried, but about her thoughts; they were a constant.
Angrily, she heard as Baba left the living room and Aisha heard the sound of his car pulling out of the house. She had been waiting for him to be out of the scene. She rushed out and nearly bumed into Abba as she made her way towards Mama. The look he flashed her was what made her ducked her head down as she greeted him, “Good evening, Ya Abba.”
Abba hissed as he walked out of the living room. He went to their chamber and locked himself in his room. He would love to know who came to Baba and told him the kind of lived in Taraba. And he couldn’t come to the terms that Baba gave him only a month to bring a girl he wanted to marry. And his punishment for not doing so would be harsh. He would cut him off from his family, and that would be the end of him. He knew Baba so well to know he wasn’t joking aboutit, he meant every word he had said. And no matter how Mama would try, she can’t make him change his mind.
He was drained thinking about it, as he picked the bottle of his syrup, he thought about Aisha. This had been a constant though for him. He tend to forget about Aisha whenever he was inebriated, but never Aisha. And that’s what he hated the msot, and why he hated her the most.
Before he slipped off to his unconcious fantasy, he thought about the decision he had came up with, and he wouldn’t hesitate telling Baba about it as he apologized to him during dinner. Mama would love it too, he knew. Nasir, well…Nasir would always be Nasir.
He was the only one that knew of his life in Taraba, he was the one that helped him found a doctor when one of his thoousand girlfriends mistakenly got pregnant. Nasir had never supported Abba to abort the pregnancy, but just like Nasir was Nasir, Abba too was Abba.
Aisha consoled Mama and asked her to rest, that she would make dinner today. She was in the kitchen, making the dinner, but at the same time she had this sinking feeling gnawing at her with every breathe she took. She felt that something was about to happen, and it wa surely never going to be something good.
“To the beautiful you, Good evening.” She heard his voice behind her, and Aisha didn’t know when she smiled. He had an effect on her.
“Good evening, Dr. This emergency took you long.” She said and smack his hand away, when he tried tasting what she was cooking.
“What? You’ve never stopped me from tasting whatever it is you’re coking, Aisha. And that’s why I like you more than Nana, she never allowed me to do so.” Nasir whined, and she smiled mischieviously at me.
“Then stop liking me. I told you I hate you already, back in Katsina. Remember?” She spoke as she moved around the kitchen, moving things and taking them to where she had her ingredients packed.
“But you said you cherished me, it hs erased your words.” He spoke like a baby when he was around he. And of all the moments they spent together with Aisha, he loved it more when they were in the kitchen. It gave him a homey feeling. Somethig more intimate, like she was already his wife and she was cooking for none other than himself. Or even their child
He laughed at himself when he thought about their child, and before he could stop himself, “Aisha, have you ever thought of having a child?” He asked, as abruptly as the though crossed his mind.
She looked taken aback by his words, but nonetheless, she answered him. “I’ve never thought about it. Because you know, all the people around me make me feel like a child myself. But now that you asked, I’d love to have notjusta child, but children. If possible, 12.”
He laugjed because he knew there was sarcasm dripping from her words. “Wow, 12 kids? I’d love to have them too. But on one condition.”
She turned to look at him briskly as she turned her attention back to what she was doing. “What condition? Don’t tell me your wife will havw to let you get another.” She laughed and Nasir chuckled as he admired her from the distance he stood.
He loved it that he loved her to himself without her knowing, because that was the safest way for hik to love. He had learnt his lesson, eventhough painfully, but he did. Lovimng her from afar without her knowing was the safest kind of feeling he had ever come to witness. And he felt even more peaceful.
“The conditon is, if only you’ll be there mother. If not, I’ll have only 3.”
She seemed shocked by his revelation, but knowing better; Aisha smiled to herself. “I pity you, three is small number. But I hate you, I’m sorry but I can’t marry a Dr.”
He clutched his heart and she laughed even more loudly. This was the Nasir she loved, the Nasir she had her future fused together with his. “This is the most painful rejection I’ve ever felt. It’s official, I’m never getting married, not have kids if it’s not you.”
“As my saviour, I can help and marry you, give birth to six kids for you then I’ll divorce you for another man. The kind of man I love, I’ll bore him the other six. It doesn’t matter who there father’s are, what matter’s is they’re still mine.”
He scrunched up his face and nibbling on a date. “Still not appreciated, but who’s the kind of man you love?”
Aisha turned to look at him with a beautiful smile on her lips. Slowly, she looked at him from head to toe and breathe in heavily, “I’d love him to be a Dr, he should look exactly like you, nothing more or less. But please, he should let me call him Auta even once in a week.”
Nasir didn’t know when he burst out laughing, “Aisha!” he squealed and pointed his index finger at her. “Wait, Aisha, are you confessing? Should I tell Mama?”
She laughed and looked away from his look. Through his eyes, she saw a pool of happiness and love, she wanted nothing but ot snuggle herself deeply intohis chest. To tell him she loved him and wrap her hands around his body; so much in love. She wanted to feel safe in his hands. Not just through his eyes.
“Keep dreaming. I said someone like you, not you, Dr.” Tell Mama, please…She wanted to add, but her lips couldn’t comply to her needs today.
❃
There was an eerily silence on the dining table, Aisha wished someone would slice a knife on the throat of this silence. It was killing. And eventhough she didn’t made the mistake if looking at him ever since they sat down, she felt his eyes all over her. They were killing her, she knew it.
They were half way through their meal when Abba cleared his throat and Mama lifted up her bloodshot eyes and looked at me. Before he spoke, Nasir knew what this silence was all about. Whenever Abba was back and Mama cried while Baba looked angry, he knew Abba’s behaviours got leaked, yet again.
Abba started talking while apologetically looking at both his parents. “I’m sorry, Baba and Mama for alwaya making you feel like you’ve failed in bringing me up. Will you forgive me please?” He asked, and they spoke no word, he felt a sinking in his stomach but he knew what he had in mind would make them forgive him.
“Baba,” He called and fixed his eyes on Baba. Taking a small look at Aisha, he uttered “Baba, I’ve decided I’ll get married. But I have no one I love apart from Aisha.”
“Which Aisha?” Nasir was the first that asked the question, he felt as swaet beads were forming on his forehead. Ya Allah, let it not be Aisha. He silently prayed.
The moment Abba uttered, “Aisha, thsi Aisha.” And he pointed at Aisha that had her eyes widened with shock and pain that was so strong for her to hide.
“Why Aisha? Abba why?” Nasir asked, trying so hard not to let his voice break lest he cried in front og his family, Aisha included. He itched to take a look at Aisha, but he knew what he would see there was nothing but a look that will haunt him for days.
“Because I love her, Nasir. And I won’t get married unless to her. Baba she’s the one I love, please marry her off to me.” And he was out of the living room withou even glancing at Aisha to see the kind of expression she had on her face.
Nasir looked at Mama before he walked out of the living room as well. Silently, Mama and Baba walked away, and it was left only Aisha. She did the dishes while trying to hold her tears. It felt as though trying to smother an ocean from flowing freeling. She finished and locked the dorr, she knew the men wouldn’t come back into the living room.
Nasir will look for her, but that will be through her window. She knew. As soon as she locked her door, she broke into tears and fell on the floor. She knew this was the end, she can never say no to Mama, no to Baba. But what of Nasir? She asked herself, not even trying to imagine the kind of situation she would dind herself in. It won’t be good, she knew.
She cried an ocean of tears. She felt her heart constricting with pain, as if someone had his hands placed within the enclosure of her heart as he mercilessly played with it.Her shoulders shook with her tears, and with a single glance at her trolley, she remembered about Nasir’s letters.
She crawled using her knees to where the trolley was kept. She wanted to feel Nasir beside her, if possible, to have his hands wrapped around her. And that was only possible through his letters. There were only two letters remaining, she had read the other ones in the last two semesters she had spent in Katsina.
She had cherished these two letters and felt like there would be a time she would need them the most, whenever she tried to read them. Without doubt, she pulled them out of the zip and hugged them to her chest, cying painfully. With so much timbre she thought she would lose it on herself.
She read the first one, which had ‘Read this when you feel lost.’ It calmed her, but the last one she held in her hands was the one that had ‘Read this when you feel heartbroken, confused and in pain.’ She opened the letter, because it was exactly the way she felt.
Rise and shine, Beautiful.
Pardon my manner, my way of talking or should say writing? I’m writing this as early as 5:10am, do you know why? Because I realize just what you mean to me, today. If you’re reading this letter last, then it’s something to laugh about. Because it’s the first letter I’ve written.
Aisha, I know you’re heartbroken, you’re confused, you don’t know the right path to follow. And you’re in so muc pain that you feel as if you deserve nothing good in this world. That’s not true. All this is a phase, we al have our good and bad days. This life is just like a book, we read it chapter by chapter without knowing what the next chapter has in store for us.
I know you fell as if all you deserve in this life is pain and and nothing but pain, right? No, you’re wrong and naive and only a girl in pain. All these thoughts are capable of crashing into you to break you more. Don’t lose it all, Aisha. You’ll be able to walk through it. And someday you’ll smile back at all these pains. Because they’re like a path you follow to something great, a better version of you, and ofcourse; you’ll be stronger than you are, now.
All I want you to know is, hold yourself close. No matter how the situation is trying to pull you apart, to break and tear you to shred, don’t give up. Love yourself. Whatever happens, put yourself first above anyone in this world, and most imoortantly, pray. Allah will be your guid, Aisha. And all this will be, but memories. Bittersweet kind of memories. Never feel bad because you’re experiencing this, the pain will shape you. The disappointment and the heartbreak will mould you into the greter version of you.
I love you, Aisha. I love you so much that you’re all that I can think of.
Stay strong for me, be happy for me. Smile and laugh alot. Be happy, Aisha.
You owe only you your happiness, and there is noone in this world that is responsible for your happiness but you.
I love you, just push a little too hard. I’ll pull you out, very soon.
Dr. Nasir.