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Chapter Six

two years later

I groaned, lifting my head from the soft mesh of grass beneath me. It had started raining during the night and I'd had to rush from one end of the forest to the other just for some decent shade.

Still, werewolves can go weeks without sleep, I mean it'll fuck with the mind but we can do it.

And I'd enough experience to stay awake for a flipping month. Because that was where I lived now, my home, it was the forest.

I lifted myself off of the ground and onto my paws, I'd taken to sleeping in wolf form these days, it keeps me more sensitive and receptive in any case of danger.

My fur was matted, dirt clung to my sides and there was an unbearable itch somewhere on the front of my stomach.

I made my way towards the scent of fresh water, my paws aching from all the running I'd done last night

I swear chasing prey makes you lose more weight than you gain, I need to gain weight. I still look sixteen because I wasn't getting enough nutrition when my growth spurt finally kicked in.

I found myself at the usual clearing, a large lake that looked deeper than it was. I still found myself keeping clear of the deeper end. I don't know what it is about water but it freaks me out when I'm in wolf form.

So I transformed, after looking left and right, I didn't need anyone finding me naked in the middle of a murky lake, the people at my new school already thought I was weird.

I brushed the mud off of my body.

It felt weird to be in human form, almost, stretched.

Even though after the incident I'd found another school to intrude on I still spent every other second in wolf form, it felt more natural that way, more true to myself.

I watched my reflection in the water, I breathed a heavy sigh.

I was thin. Too thin. At this rate I would not be able to hold off rogues as well as I could last summer.

Unfortunately winter was coming and being the stupid fuck I am I forgot to prepare, by which I mean gathering food before hand. I didn't even need to keep it, even eating a large amount before the winter would be okay. I just needed enough meat to for some fat to keep me warm and enough fat to burn when it got harder to find food.

Most animals have run off to their own little holes during winter and the most I ever catch out in the rain is a dear, maybe a stray dog, but have you ever tried dog meat? I'll start by informing you I didn't kill the dog I tried it had starved to death maybe minutes prior, either way I'll just advise you not to try it and leave it at that.

Once I was done I returned to wolf form and sprinted my way back across the forest to the abandoned garage, that's where I kept the van.

Yeah, I didn't give it back, should have but... who are we kidding why the fuck would I return their piece of shit van after all those bastards had done to me? I would have stolen more from them than I had managed to if I'd have had the time or foresight to do so. In my dreams I had prepared for months before I left just nicking things here and there while they had no clue what was going on but it was easier the way it happened. Well, as far as I can call it easy.

Anyway, I slid the back open and pulled out my school clothes that where drying on a branch railing I'd nailed inside. I'd cleaned it last night.

I sighed as looked inside the van.

So many bad memories.

It was strange how only after it was all over did I really begin to understand that what was happening to me was wrong.

That my mother and father should not have beaten me.

That the people at school did not have a reason to bully me.

That Castus had no fucking right to reject his mate. The lunus of the pack.

Because back then I always knew it wasn't nice, that it hurt me. But back then I'd always believed it was just the way of life, you deal with what you have. Somehow I felt as though part of it was because I was a smartass, someone who rarely got along with any one who was full of himself and that was the only reason why I felt I had a reason to defend myself.

But I know now, I didn't deserve it.

It baffles me now that I didn't straight up tell them to stop, not even once. It probably wouldn't have worked but it would have been worth it. All of the what-ifs running through my mind were extremely bothersome.

Do I regret running away?

No.

I could never regret that.

Everything in my life is calmer now. For the most part.

I am respected at school. I do not attempt to make friends, I am a lone wolf, a rogue wolf, we only need the company of our own bloody fangs and friends are just a distraction from the fact that you are, in this world, alone and belong to no one.

They do not ask me questions, they observe silently, even if they do not understand consciously their subconscious understands perfectly well that I am someone dangerous, that getting to know me would be a waste because I would not appreciate their efforts and probably would not remember them tomorrow.

What else might you ask about my current situation?

Did I get over Castus?

That was the heaviest question.

I will admit that I am not.

I cant never find a relief of the feelings I feel for him, I know I feel a lot of hatred towards him but the love that you are forced into feeling by nature is still there, still binding me to the man.

You don't get over mates, they are your love for life, we are bound, at least I am. Maybe this isn't the case for anyone else?

Maybe he has moved on with someone... Maybe that is why ever so often deep at night my body ripples in pain and I feel a variety of strange pains as thought my body is trying to separate with myself, my mind too, and those vile images slipping in and out of my vision.

Why was I alive? Should the rejection not have forced me into a manic state or driven me to madness or simply shut down my brain entirely? Were those not the lessons they taught us in the pack or was that just another big lie.

I cannot tell you that. I do not know. I should be dead, I should have died, my only guess is I did not successfully sever our bond with my pathetic little 'I accept'. I still felt him there, in my heart. Surely, if he had successfully broken the bond on his part I would not be experiencing what I was experiencing either? No. I wiped the thought from my mind. It was better to believe he had no thought of me. Better to move on thoughtless, unquestioning, confidently.

Still, on the full moon I no longer get blood thirst but an untamable craving for my mate.

But you know what I do?

Do you want to know?

I sleep with someone else.

That option being much easier than lasting the full moon on my own.

At first I did it to spite him, fully aware he was sleeping with others, however it hurt me more than I knew it did him.

Now it's just a coping mechanism, to deal with the pain I endure for every second he is not by my side cuddling me into his muscly arms.

I wanted him still.

But had I the chance to return I would still rebuke it with every fiber of my being.

I pulled the clothes off of the hanger and snatched some under wear from the blue basket in the corner, my van was completely filled to the brim with junk, most of it necessary.

Slinging them over my arm I shut the van door, the sound of the metal falling against the bottom echoed dangerously throughout the wood.

It was not on my to-do list to attract any unnecessary attention.

Speaking of which...

I stopped.

Paused.

Momentarily confused.

What was that smell?

On the edge of my truck I smelt the smell of another werewolf.

It tingled in my nose, like it had been hidden but still showed up. Like the scent shouldn't exist.

I lent in further.

The smell was gone.

Then I turned to look at the side wall of the van.

I gaped, that was all I could do. My eyes widened.

The marking of claws scratching the van had been drawn all the way from one end to the other.

And there was no mistaking it. It was a werewolf. You know what was worse? I knew who's it was.

I shivered, willing my beating heart to slow down. Goosebumps brushed my skin.

Castus had followed me.

But why?

What did he want from me?

I hated him.

I HATE HIM.

If he returns he will only reopen wounds that were never closed to begin with.

If he returns, he has returned.

Then I realized. Since I never broke our seal properly he was coming to kill me. So he could find a mate, so he could move on without me, so his pack could find a new Luna. I would not let that happen.

I looked right and left.

No one.

He was coming for me, and I would not let him break my heart a second time.

Castus, you can try to scare me all you like, but I'm a rogue now, try me, I will gouge your eyes out and feed you to the others. I'm not being restricted by any of those pathetic rules your inherited cult-like pack endures.

I'm no longer that pathetic little weakling I once was. I might be thin and malnourished, I might be struggling to find food for the winter but in my mind there were no longer any boundaries. I could rip him to shreds, I could slit the throat of anyone who crossed me and not think twice nor regret my actions. I wasn't weak anymore.

Maybe before I would stand my ground and ignore that rocks pelleted at me.

But now I would fight back. And have you ever seen a wild wolf fight back? Because you're about to.

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