NINE
-Fiona POV-
I walk back to Hunter, not knowing what to do with Indy. She’s clearly upset, I can imagine the shock, I’m shocked too. But at the same time, I feel excitement! I found my mate! This is extremely rare, at the moment, so it’s even more overwhelming.
I look at Hunter and shrug my shoulders: “What now?”
He smiles, “Let’s talk.”
I agree. Talking is probably the best way to start our relationship. I sit down, next to him, and stare into the fire in front of me. “Alright, you can start. Who are you and what are you doing here?”
“Well, I’ve already told you a bit of myself. I'm Hunter, lost my parents years ago and I’m now living as a rogue. I already did, but I mean: by myself. I haven’t seen humans or werewolves this close for ages, I’m sorry if I’m acting weird or something.”
I can feel he’s watching me, but I keep staring into the flames. He continues: “I guess I should be, uuuhhmm, in my mid thirties, right now? I’m not sure, celebrating birthdays is not fun when you don’t have someone to celebrate it with, you know.” He went silent for a moment and then asked: “What year is it, now?”
I smile, amused. “It’s 2050, february 5th, to be exact.”
“Then I’m 36, indeed. I’m born in 2015. No, I’m turning 36 then. The first of June is my birthday.”
He pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders, his feet and lower legs are still exposed. Only looking at his skin, is fuel to the fire inside of me. Darn, Fiona! Focus…
“And you?” He asks. “You know a bit about me, now. What about you?
I clear my throat, happy I've got some distraction now. “I’m Fiona, and unlike you… “ I look at Hunter and smile. “.... I do know my age: I’m 41 years old. I’ve lived on my own for, well, ever - it feels. I found Indy when she was still young, around 1 years old. She was abandoned in the woods. I brought her to our Alpha, and he gave me permission to raise her. Pups are very rare, you know. Now even more…” I stay silent, to think about that time. Indy practically saved me, although I’ve never told her that.
Hunter isn’t responding to my story, so after a few minutes I look up at him. Only to see him frowning, a lot. “What?” I ask.
“You mentioned the war, my parents told me about that. And something you call mating season. I still don’t understand… Why? And why would anyone abandon her child? I thought the two of you were friends, to be honest.. I didn’t think you raised her. You look, uuuh, very good for your age..” he says while his cheeks turn red.
I laugh, “Well, thank you. I guess..” and then I turn back to the more serious look. “The war almost killed our kind, did you know that?”
Hunter nods. “Yeah, I know. Mom and dad always explained to me how rare it was for them to be mates, that they found each other. They were both rogues, my whole family is. They say packs are dangerous.”
“Why?” I ask, surprised.
“Well, maybe because of that mating season? I surely don’t like that..” Hunter says, with an angry face.
I like him. He seems a bit childish, but I can refer that to his past. Living alone for that long is probably not the best for a person. But the fact he didn’t know about mating season, seems legit, seems real. But I’m on guard, I’m not ready to trust him fully, yet.
“What are you thinking about?” Suddenly I hear Hunter's raspy voice close to my head. He is sitting dangerously close to me, right now. “You smell amazing, did I tell you that?” He sniffs my neck and I immediately jump up. “Hunter!” I hiss to him. “Easy! Stay here..” my tone is very serious, and I can see it affects him. He’s not thinking straight at the moment, I need to distract him. Where is my spray? I need my spray.. I quickly search the tent, it must be here somewhere. I try to be as quiet as I can, hearing Indy’s calm snoring is the proof she’s asleep. And I really want to keep it that way. Finally, I found what I was looking for and I spray the fluid all over my face and hands.
I hurry outside, and I stare into the confused face of Hunter. “I - I’m sorry, Fiona! I’m not sure what came over me, it’s uuuhh... “
“It’s alright..” I say. “.. it’s the mating season, there’s nothing you can do about. I guess the spray isn’t working that good when it comes down to my mate.” I say shyly.
“Spray?” He asks.
“Yeah, I’m a biologist. I like flora and fauna the most, but I know other things too. Long story short: I found out that some kind of hormones temper the scent of a fertile, shapeshifted she-wolf. So, I made a spray with it. It helps me cover my scent, so others won’t attack me during mating season.”
“But how? What kind of hormones? And why are you still hiding if you have a spray?”
Should I tell him? I’m doubting, but it’s important for him to know about the mating season. Someone has to tell him.
“Well. I shapeshifted when I was younger, around 12 years old. It’s fun: having another ‘you’ in your mind and soul. I think you can agree with that..” I smile at him and he nods back. “But what I didn’t know by then, is that shapeshifting is also a sign for nature to prepare your body for the future. It’s creating a scent, the werewolf scent, so that after a few years you'll be able to find your mate. But, it’s apparently also a scent that's picked up during mating season, by other male wolves. Not only the mates. After you turn 18, she-wolves are getting fertile, right?” I stop for a moment to make sure he follows me.
Hunter is staring at me, a bit irritated. “You can continue, father gave me ‘the talk’ when I was younger. I know stuff!”
I chuckle. “Well, the combination of the werewolf scent that appears when you’ve shapeshifted, and the 18th birthday is a sign for nature that you’re ready to carry a pup.”
I stop talking, not knowing how I tell him about the next part.
“.. and?” he asks. “How did you find out about your spray? What is in it?”
I sigh. “I turned 18 that year, after mating season. I got raped twice, in the first mating season after my 18th birthday, the following march. The scent of a male wolf’s sperm is around my body for 24 hours. After that, it fades and that’s a sign for other males that I’m ‘free’ again. I got a visit, almost immediately after the first 24 hours.” I stop, and I feel how tears are forming already. It’s awful to look back. “I - uuuhh - I found out I was pregnant two days after the second ‘visit’. That’s when I started to notice that the moment you’re pregnant, the male wolves leave you alone.”
“I’m so sorry to hear, Fiona! What happened to your pup? I thought Indy wasn’t yours?”
I shake my head. “No, she isn’t. After 2 months, I miscarried. I was heartbroken, although the circumstances were not the best - I loved that pup. Mating season was already over, by then. It normally takes a couple of weeks. The elders told me it could take months before the pregnancy-hormones have left my body. I found peace in the forest, and some day I heard crying. I found Indy. I watched her first, for a whole day. But nobody was taking care of her. She was tiny and fragile, couldn’t walk or crawl. So after the dark kicked in, I took her home. Well, I told you about the approval of the Alpha to raise her. Well, to be honest, I wasn’t planning to raise her in the first place. I didn’t want anyone elses child, but we’re teached early on that every pup is valuable! So I couldn’t just leave her to die there, alone.”
I look down to my feet, he should think I’m a horrible person! Any she-wolf should be proud to raise a pup, right? But I didn’t want to be proud, I didn’t want anyone elses child! I just wanted my own, but he was dead.
I feel his hand on my shoulder. “Hey, it’s OK. I can understand.”
“You can?” I ask, surprised?
“Of course, I would feel the same.”
And I just knew. I knew that he knows what I meant: I was mourning about my own child. So, I continue: “So, I told the Alpha I didn’t want to raise her, but it was late already. He asked me to take care of her for the night, so that he could find a solution. But that night, something weird happened. Because of the pregnancy-hormones still in my body, I apparently was able to breastfeed her. I took her in my bed, and before I knew she pulled down my shirt and started to drink! I was glad I was able to do that for the little one. The next morning, I walked back to my Alpha to discuss Indy’s case. And he mentioned something strange. He asked: “What happened? You smell differently, are you pregnant again?” and then it kicked in: breastfeeding Indy was the cause of the change of smell!” I denied and explained what the elders told me: that the pregnancy-hormones are still in my body after the miscarriage.”
“Why didn’t you just tell the truth?” Hunter askes, confused.
“Because, at that point I realized that Indy could save me from the mating seasons in the future. If I kept breastfeeding her, until the age of 5 - like any normal pup does - the hormones would still be in my body! As a result: no male wolf would attack me, thinking I’m still not ‘viable’ to impregnate. So, although I wasn’t a fan of raising her in the first place, I decided to do so. Because of that, I was able to make a spray in the following years, so at the moment she was done with the lactate, I could save my body with the spray.”
Hunter nods. “I can understand you thought that way, by then. You were just 18! But I can see you love her, right?”
I smile. “I really do, she’s my daughter. I really feel that way, now. Yes, at first it was just practical. But soon I started to love her, she’s amazing! And I’m still feeling awful for why I kept her in the first place! She can never know, it would hurt her so much! She’s such a sensible and caring person. It will destroy her.” I sigh.
-Indy POV-
I wake up because of some noise outside. I hear Fiona close the zipper of the tent, sofly. Well, not softly enough. I’m awake now. I sigh in silent, she’s probably having a fun time with her ‘mate’ now. I try to not listen to their conversation, but the moment I hear Fiona say my name, I focus.
“... Indy. I watched her first, for a whole day. But nobody was taking care of her. She was tiny and fragile, couldn’t walk or crawl. So after the dark kicked in, I took her home. Well, I told you about the approval of the Alpha to raise her. Well, to be honest, I wasn’t planning to raise her in the first place. I didn’t want anyone elses child, but we’re teached early on that every pup is valuable! So I couldn’t just leave her to die there, alone.”
Wait, whut? She didn’t want to have me? I was just an obligation? I was too shocked to follow the whole conversation, thinking about what I just heard. But, I try to listen again.
".... that Indy could save me from the mating seasons in the future. If I kept breastfeeding her, until the age of 5 - like any normal pup does - the hormones would still be in my body! As a result: no male wolf would attack me, thinking I’m still not ‘viable’ to impregnate. So, although I wasn’t a fan of raising her in the first place, I decided to do so. Because of that, I was able to make a spray in the following years, so at the moment she was done with the lactate, I could save my body with the spray.”
It feels like I'm kicked in the stomach. I gasp for air. I shut down, completely. I know enough. I feel how I’m pulled down into a big, black hole. It’s true. I am not wanted, not even by my own ‘mother’...