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Chapter 7 - Nadia

I looked over my shoulder as I walked down 72nd Street toward the subway station, but none of the four men exited the bar to follow me. I wasn’t sure if I was grateful or disappointed by that.

A few tears blurred the edge of my vision, which only upset me more. I couldn’t believe I’d allowed myself to like him. To think that he would be interested in me. It was such a ridiculous thing to be upset about. The entire lifespan of my crush—if you could even call it that—had begun, flourished, and then ended in the span of a few hours. There were Marvel movies which lasted longer than that.

And yet it felt like someone had stabbed a knife into my heart and was slowly twisting it.

I took the subway steps two at a time and walked down to the end of the platform. I only had to wait a few minutes before the next train came along, which I rode for one stop before transferring to the F-train. Miraculously, it wasn’t very crowded, so I grabbed a seat by myself at the end.

I glanced at my phone. It would take over an hour to get back to my tiny apartment in Queens. I considered putting my headphones in and listening to a podcast, but I was more in the mood to feel sorry for myself.

A group relationship. Four of them, and one of me. What the fuck was that? Granted, they would be sharing me in different ways, so it wasn’t like I’d be a human pincushion for their dicks. I wasn’t sure if that made it more or less weird.

“A fucking rent-a-girlfriend,” I muttered. Saying it out loud made it sound even more ridiculous. What happened to flirting, getting to know someone, and letting a relationship develop naturally? That was the problem with Tinder: you got right down to what you wanted, whether that was a fuck-buddy for some no-strings-attached sex or a friend to watch rom-coms with.

I started to text Robbie to lay into him for sending me on this adventure, but then decided it would be more fun to rip into him in person the next time we shared a shift.

Ryan’s words echoed in my head. Braden here wants an actress to pretend to be his girlfriend. To convince his parents he’s not gay. It made so much sense now that I thought about it. Girls were constantly ogling Braden at the theater, and there were always one or two dancers who flirted with him after each rehearsal. He never seemed to reciprocate beyond some friendly chit-chat. Any straight guy would have loved to have dancers throwing themselves at them.

And Ryan—he didn’t think I was suitable. His excuse was that a girl from the show would make things weird, but in my fragile state I knew that was just the excuse layered over his real reason: he didn’t want me as a fuck-buddy. It didn’t sting as much as the Braden revelation, but it stung nonetheless.

The worst part of it all? I had to work with them tomorrow, and the day after that. Four guys who had offered this ridiculous arrangement would be around me at all times. In Dorian’s case, I would have to actually dance with him several times during the show.

Kill me now.

I guess it was a good thing I was just the understudy to Tatiana. If I had to do the actual show with Braden, rather than just dancing in the background, things would have been really bad.

“Why are all the good ones gay?” I wondered out loud.

A woman in the row behind me coughed conspicuously into her hand. I hadn’t realized anyone else had sat down. Great. A little more embarrassment before the night is over.

What really stung was that I could still feel myself pining over Braden. The feel of his body pressed between my legs was fresh in my mind, with the lustful look in his sapphire eyes. I guess that’s what separated a good actor from a great one. He’d even fooled me.

He was so present in my thoughts that I even imagined him walking down the subway cars toward me. Two cars up, moving through the divider from one car to another. Same jeans and tight-fitting shirt, his raven-black hair fluttering as he passed underneath the air conditioner vents along the walkway.

I blinked.

No way.

Braden passed through the divider into my car, and his entire demeanor perked up.

“You have got to be kidding me,” I said as he rushed toward me. “I thought you lived on the upper east side?”

“I do,” he said, relieved. “I didn’t think I’d made it in time. But here you are.”

The woman behind me cleared her throat. “Is this the gay guy?”

Braden’s mouth hung open. “Uh, what?”

“Wait,” I said. “You followed me? How the hell did you know where I was going?”

Braden sat in the empty seat next to me and leaned back. “Your profile said you lived in Queens. That’s like an $80 Uber ride, and the 72nd Street station was close to the bar. I made a guess that you would transfer to the F-train at Lexington. When I searched most of the cars and didn’t see you I was certain you’d taken F-train all the way to Penn Station and jumped on the Long Island Rail.”

I gave him a wary stare. “The LIRR is overpriced. What do you want?”

“He looks like he wants to apologize,” the woman behind us said. I twisted and gave her a pointed look. When she made no effort to move, I took Braden’s hand and led him to the other side of the car where we could be alone.

“Don’t want anyone overhearing what we say?” Braden asked me.

“I’ve had enough weird conversations tonight. I could do without the peanut gallery. Why did you follow me?”

Braden shrugged one shoulder and smiled awkwardly. “I wanted to apologize?”

God, he was gorgeous. It wasn’t fair for a man to be this beautiful. It made me want to forgive him and then buy him another pitcher of beer as if I were the one at fault here.

“Apology accepted,” I said curtly. I pointed at the exterior of the train, which was slowing down to the point that we could see the signage. “You’ll want to get off at Queensbridge if you’re headed back into the city.”

“I’ve got time to kill,” he grinned. “My date canceled on me.” He jabbed me in the arm with his finger and added, “Plus, I didn’t actually apologize yet.”

“I got the general vibe of it.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. He was staring intently at me now, like a beautiful oil painting on the wall next to my face. “I should have been honest with you the moment you sat down at the table. I was… embarrassed, I guess?”

“Gee,” I said flatly. “I don’t know why you’d be embarrassed about wanting to share a girl among your three buddies, like some desperate fraternity slut.”

It was a harsh thing to say, and I knew it immediately. He winced and stared at his feet like the boy who’d been scolded.

“I didn’t mean it to sound so bad,” I said. “I’m just…”

“I get it,” he replied. “You’re upset. I would be too if I was misled by a deceptive Tinder profile.”

“That’s… Not what I’m upset about,” I said. I felt like he deserved a little bit of honesty after I’d bitten his head off. “I’m upset because I thought you liked me. And now I’ve found out you’re gay.”

He blinked. “I’m not gay.”

“Right, right.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re pretending to be straight. So your parents don’t—”

His beautiful face leaned in and kissed me.

I was too shocked to respond at first, but then my lips melted into his. They were warm and soft and sweet, and his feathery hair brushed against my face as he pressed himself into my mouth. I kissed him back, passion and desire growing with every hot second, and I opened my mouth to accept his tongue as I surrendered to the urges that had caused me to leave the bar in the first place.

The screech of brakes indicated we were pulling into a station, but the only thing in the world that mattered was Braden’s body leaning into mine. He was everything I wanted, everything I’d ever wanted.

As soon as the train came to a stop, Braden pulled away and held my gaze. There was a question in his eyes. He was asking if I could handle where the night would take us.

Asking if I trusted him.

I nodded without thinking. I would follow him anywhere.

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