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Bird Watching

It was Lila Braddock's Saturday to pick up the morning coffee for the "bird watching" event with her friends... of course that meant her friends were already looking at the beautiful creatures in their natural habitat and she would get last pick as to which bird she would admire from afar; and if she was in the mood when the time came, she would trap it... for a while at least.

Maybe an hour or two, if her stamina was at its peak.

Although this morning she had other thoughts occupying her mind.

She walked into the Blue Moon Coffee shop sending a quick thanks to the heavens that it was not too busy— of course, it was seven o’clock on a Saturday morning - she didn’t expect it to be busy. She placed her order quickly enough with the female cashier then proceeded to look around the goodies set about the shop. The coffee cups always caught her attention. They were themed with the most popular painters throughout history. Being an art lover, she recognized them all: Gentileschi, Cassat, Bracquemonde, O'Keefe and Breslau. One unknown did catch her eye almost instantly. The cup was colored in mostly blue hues with a few yellow and white swirls like stars. She grabbed the ceramic cup to search for the name of the artist.

Lila frowned. The name rang a bell, but not loud enough to remind her of his paintings. She put the cup down and pulled out her cell phone. She made a mental note to read about this Van Gogh fella later on when she was home.

She took a seat at the nearest table to wait for her order, resting her chin against her palm. She began replaying the words her doctor had uttered the day before: "You were born without ovaries. You will never nest a man."

At twenty-seven years old, Lila had never thought about procreating, but now that the possibility was absolutely impossible it was all she could think about- and she never wanted anything more.

She sighed trying to think of the pros in this situation: She would be able to retire early and live in a beachfront condo, sipping margaritas all day. Hell, she could start now. Not like anyone she was related to would need part of her liver anyway.

The sight of a little family taking an early morning walk caught her attention outside. A woman was holding a little boy's hand and surprisingly, the man with them seemed to have been nested again. He was huge, he was waddling and looked just about ready to pop.

He looked so happy, she mused when he rubbed his belly lovingly.

They all looked happy.

A heavy pang filled her heart- her eyes filled with moisture knowing she would never have this.

Her mind began processing all the cons. If she needed a kidney, there would be no one to give her one. If she died, no one would miss her. She would probably die on her own with no one noticing she was no longer in the living realm until her flesh rotted and putrefied and the smell of death filled the building and all adjoining neighbors noticed there was a little something extra in fresh beach breeze they paid extra for.

Honestly, she wasn't even in the mood to go bird watching today but she knew staying at home would only amplify her failure as a woman. She crossed her arms across her chest, feeling the swelling of her size D breasts on her torso. Strictly decorational, she thought. They'd never have a function. She closed her eyes trying to get over the anger she felt towards her betraying body.

A chime from her cell phone alerted her of an incoming text message.

The other Bird Watch Club members were asking where their coffee was. The message pulling Lila out of her misery. She checked the time stamp on the receipt she was given, and then the time on her phone. Fifteen minutes had passed, and her name had not been called yet. Considering she was planning a life sans offspring, she thought that perhaps her name had been called and she may have missed it. She stood, heading to the pick-up area.

As soon as she got the counter, she noticed not a single drink had been made yet. She looked at the staff and realized what the problem was. The barista looked to be about five-months nested. Lila began listening in on the conversation he was having with the female cashier. He was relentlessly complaining to her how difficult being nested was, actually making it seem like he had been the only man in the world to ever be nested, she thought bitterly.

Lila growled internally. His incessant bitching meant he was preparing the coffees at glacial pace because seemingly he needed his hands to talk as well as his voice.

His partner should have kept it in her pants, she thought growing more irritated by the second.

Frustrated and trying to divert her attention from the painfully annoying scene, she began responding to her fellow Bird Watchers. She was afraid to throw a fit and be immortalized on the internet as a bully to nested men who were bringing forth the miracle of life!

Her fingers began typing away: Any pretty birds up at this time?

Chloe: One or two but Jane and Aisha already called dibs.

Just as well, Lila thought. The way she was feeling today, even the whole lube aisle at her local sex shop couldn't get her in the mood to perform successfully. Still, she didn't want to let on that there was something wrong.

Lila: Boooo! No fair!

Aisha: Where is our coffee? My birdie has been flying all morning long and I can already tell I’m going to need extra energy to keep up with him!

Lila: Nested barista at the wheel.

A flurry of emojis came in from the girls. From annoyed emoji faces, to a violin, to an animated emoji rolling its eyes.

Jane: Can you bring muffins?

Chloe: Jane wants to lure her bird back to her nest with breadcrumbs because she doesn’t think her muffin will do the trick. (Adding three laughing emojis at the end).

“Lila, your order is ready.” Mr. Can't-Pop-Soon-Enough finally announced. Lila grabbed a coffee tray and put all four cups in them before he offered to do it for her. She opted to buy muffins from the supermarket near the courts even if they weren't as delicious.

Seeing and hearing this guy really using his nesting as an excuse for subpar work performance only made her lose faith in nature.

Onward to Brinkley's Organic Market bakery aisle!


It wasn't hard to find her friends when she pulled into the park. The only people there were the players, her friends and one miscellaneous guy sitting at the end of the bleachers near her friends.

As she drove near them, she saw them laughing and pointing. Lila shook her head. Their intentions were so obvious she could practically smell their arousal from the confines of her vehicle.

She quickly stationed her black Jeep Wrangler making her way to the girls with provisions in hand. “What have I missed?” She asked as she moved the coffee tray near her friends so that they could find the cup with their name on it.

“A lot of the birds have gone bare-breasted,” Jane giggled as she took a sip from her coffee.

Through her peripheral vision Lila caught the bright glare bouncing off of the other spectator's glasses but by the time she turned to look at him, he'd already turned his attention back to the game.

Not giving another thought she began pulling items out of the reusable cloth bags displaying Brinkley's green logo.

“For the trail back to your nest.” She handed Jane a four-pack of assorted muffins in a see-through tray along with two bottles of water.

She then handed Aisha an energy drink with a wink.

“You’re my angel,” Aisha said with appreciation, promptly placing the energy drink in her purse. "I'll let the caffeine fuel me first and I'll keep this in reserve, just in case." She said with a giggle.

Jane, who was looking at the muffin tray with disgust began complaining. “Organic store-bought muffins, Lila? Really? I wanted coffee shop muffins not these." She huffed. "Why - I’ll be lucky if I can lure that nerd with this.” She pointed just behind Lila at the guy that was sitting by himself.

Instinctively, Lila turned in the direction her friend had pointed at the same time the bearded guy turned to look at them.

The two making eye-contact and he did not look happy.

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