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1. Let it hurt until it can't hurt anymore?

RIVER

Facing the ruler, he couldn't get past the thoughts that wouldn't leave his mind for the last couple of years. Time flew, and nobody had the right or power to stop it, even if led by the best intentions. Lately, the male would visit his friend more frequently, seeking advice, grabbing onto any piece of information that could ease his mind.

"Noah has grown into a quite interesting young man. Are you planning for another one, or is Ally giving you a hard time?" River chuckled. It didn't matter how hard he tried to ease the tension around them- each attempt seemed pointless, failing before his lips parted. By pushing Wrath's buttons, he hoped that their conversation's main topic wouldn't be him again. Sometimes it was better to distract a friend than confess the fear you weren't supposed to feel.

"You know her better than I do. My wife made me coffee this morning and winked at me when she handed me the cup. I've never been more scared of a drink in all of my life." Darius laughed, side-eying the library door. His wife had a habit of appearing out of nowhere whenever someone mentioned her, and dealing with her rage wasn't the part of the day he would enjoy. Every so often, he did wonder how they ended up linked as mates- especially after all those years; she was the only one who could make his blood boil. Leaving for wars felt easier than fighting with Ally. Wrath sighed and shook his head: "I would love to have more children; the Goddess knows how much I love that woman and how I adore the family we have built. It would be wonderful to have another addition, but I don't think it'll ever happen. Carrying Noah was a true Hell for her; I'm sure you remember how weak she became. I almost lost my wife, and despite the love, I feel for that child- I wouldn't risk her life for another one. Anyway, let's drop this topic, I'm not in the mood for such conversations. Should I ask how are you doing now, or should we have a glass of whiskey first?" Darius placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, squeezing it a little to show that he was there for Sloth.

"I still can't go there. Maybe I could, it’s been years, but I can’t force myself to enter the castle." River sighed, squeezing his eyes in an attempt to remember his mate's smile. His most vivid memory of her face was from the birthday party- the shock, terror, surprise, and fear as he had to watch him leave. It's becoming difficult lately since the deadly sin hasn't had a chance to approach his mate for six years. Perhaps, back then she didn’t know why he had to go, but leaving her in the dark was better- for her.

Their life was beautiful at the very beginning. Sloth and Bea grew closer than any childhood friends- at one point, no one could separate them from each other. Eros and Eve appreciated his patience with their daughter, the love, affection, and attention he kept giving without asking for anything in return. Even after the young Prince was born, they didn't mind River always being around, taking away the little time parents had with their middle child.

Everything went perfectly until a new servant entered the castle and raised suspicion, getting targeted by none other than the deadly sin. For some reason, River couldn't feel entirely comfortable whenever the servant was around, his senses sharpening at times when Bea was near. After a couple of weeks, the servant was declared his enemy, even despite the King's and Queen's claims that the new employee was harmless.

It was the day when Bea turned eight- the Kingdom celebrated the Princesses birthday, her parents holding a massive party in the castle. Everyone was invited- from Royalties to servants, no matter who they were; each shifter had a chance to stop by the court, join the party or congratulate the young Princess. Attention, given to Bea, was stripped from her by none other than her secret mate. Sloth lost his self-control and killed the man right in front of everyone's eyes. After all this time, he still couldn't remember the reason behind his outburst of rage, but the man couldn't turn back the time even if he wanted to. Perhaps her parents might forgive him if he wouldn't tear the male in pieces, slowly, torturing his victim while his vicious laugh echoed against the castle walls.

"My mate doesn't know who I am- she has no idea about the whole deadly sin bullshit or the bond. How could I go back there, knowing that she might fear me? There's no chance that she hasn't heard of my doings yet. I was supposed to be there for her, protect her from any danger. To love her more than I've ever loved anyone. Yet, I'm wasting your time here or wandering around unknown places, trying to find peace. How could I find it?" River shook his head in denial. For years, he had tried to understand his doings, the reason behind his actions. Yet to no avail.

"Give them time? Let it hurt until it can't hurt anymore?" Darius tried to encourage his friend many times, but lately, it's been extremely challenging to see River as he used to be. Wrath wasn't there when the accident happened; he had heard nothing but rumors about the blood bath his friend caused. In his opinion, the biggest problem was how vividly everyone described the murder while Sloth would be the one to kill someone as a sin, not as a shifter.

The deadly sin eyed Darius, trying his best to fake a smile, yet only the corner of his lip barely twitched. He shook his head and lazily approached the sofa near the library window. The male could only guess how many times, and for how long, he had slept on that sofa, which was the main reason why his friend got it in the first place. Sitting down, his eyes fell to the marble floor, focusing on the fake crack pattern. "I've been thinking a lot lately, especially about her. Explaining myself won't work since the damage is done, and no matter what my intentions were, I killed someone in front of her mother's eyes on her damn birthday. She's fourteen now, a little more grown, yet still a child. The most lucid of her memories will involve the walls I painted with that servant's blood. Deep down, Bea knows who I am, she knows how I look, but after that damned day, she will assume that I am someone else. That I might fake who I am on the surface. I can't escape time, Darius; I can't make it stop. Two years. Two damn years and she will be out there, looking for her mate, sooner or later getting hit with the disappointing news. That is, if the King and Queen won't decide that marrying her off to some monarch might be the best outcome of this whole shit show. I'll carry the scars of everything I've done, but funny enough, unlike the pattern on your floor- those won't make me look handsome or appealing. People have perfect imperfections, while mine ruined me and any chance I might have in the future. I'm sick and tired of thinking, planning, recalling memories. This is the end, my friend."

"You can't give up; you just can't. Look at Ally and me- we still fight, we have our differences and things we can't get over with, but we're still here, fighting side by side. The same day will come for you and Bea, give her a little faith, give it to her parents." Darius knew that giving up wasn't the right decision. The Underworld ruler had to go through quite a rough period of time, and even after all those years- nothing got easier.

"I've given them enough benefit of the doubt. I'm not giving up; I'm letting go." River hid his face behind his palms, met with the welcoming darkness after closing his eyes. It wasn't the end of his life, but it did feel like he had lost everything he had to live for.

"What are you going to do? Reject her?" Wrath wished to be the man who would feel bad for the possible rejection. As much as he loved his wife and her family- the man didn't care about the broken mate bond. However, he did care about his only true friend and ally. River might be a deadly sin, lazy as Hell, dragging so many unfortunate souls along him, but the man had never been this miserable- so hurt, you could see the pain and suffering in his eyes.

"Quite the opposite- I'll wait," Sloth whispered.

"Wait for what? Where? Sloth, you're confusing me- all this time, you kept wandering around, unable to find a place to settle. And now you will wait?" Darius pinched the bridge of his nose, too tired to bring his words together and come to conclusions.

"Yes, until she turns sixteen."

"For what? For fuck's sake, what are you going to wait for? Hold up; you will blow your only real chance at happiness?" Darius felt as if his blood boiled in anger. The male wouldn't let his friend give up so early; he couldn't watch him destroy everything he had believed in, even for a mate. Sloth started fading, knowingly building up the road for self-destruction.

"For the day, when she finds me. For the day when I can see the woman, she has grown into and admire her for the last time. And for the rejection. I wouldn't push her away; I couldn't rob her of happiness. But... But I can let her end it. Maybe one day she will understand that she was the better part."

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