Chapter 7
Skyler Johnson
As I pull away from the curb, still seeing a waving Candice in my side mirror the smile I've been trying to keep up for that little girl slips from my face. It's been a long week of my parents trying to get me to talk to Xavier and consider what they asked of me and today was my break. Although I knew he was going to be there I just hoped he wouldn't ruin my day for the sake of his sister but that's clearly not his style. Everything was going fine until Candice went to the bathroom and now I'm left with a heavy feeling in my stomach. I didn't ask to be born into this and I no one forced them to hide this from me for eighteen years of my life but I understand my mother's choices.
I've only known Candice for two weeks and I love that little girl with all my heart. I would hate for this world to gobble her up and change her mind-set about it. I was so surprised when I found out she was twelve because she's so small and so innocent, something you don't get enough of in these days. It breaks my heart to think that she'll have to grow and up and learn that people aren't always what they appear to be and at the same time it makes me sick to think that she'll blindly trust the wrong person and end up getting hurt. It's a loose-loose situation no matter how hard you try to keep her safe. I mean, look what happened when my mother tried to keep me safe.
"How was it?" My father asks as soon as I walk into the kitchen. I don't really now why they have offices if they sit and work at the kitchen table half the time. I get the sun warms up the room all day long but we have heaters and lights in the house for a reason. I stare at him for a minute and the sight is a little unnerving. He looks more tired than I have ever seen him in my life and I can't help but feel that it's my fault.
"Great, until your golden boy pointed out that I'll die soon enough." I tell him, feeling bad but I can't take all the blame for the state he's in. He made his choices and now I'm making mine, no matter how much it upsets him.
"Xavier can be a little blunt some times." He says, running his hand through his dark hair, leaving me to wonder if he looks like this when he's trying to come up with excuses for my behaviour sometimes. It's honestly not a very good look on him.
"Oh, I got that. I got that when he was warning me not to die and break his sisters heart. I also got that when he told me that the only people he protects is family and workers and I'm neither so my life doesn't matter." I tell him, annoyed just thinking about the stupid man's face.
"Well, what do you expect, it's dog eats dog world out there and if there's nothing attaching you to the top you're a deer caught in headlights." He says and I stare at him in utter shock.
"Okay, so you're fine with your only child dying because of mistakes you made? I never wanted this, any of it. I didn't even know I was a mafia princess." I say with a bitter laugh. "I grew up thinking that we were on the right side of the law only to find out my dad is a man with a very bad reputation. It's not fun walking around with that on your conscience and if you can do that I take my hat of to you but I will not be apart of it." I tell him with anger blazing in my eyes and that seems to spark his anger because the next moment he's on his feet and glaring right back at me.
"You don't always get to make the choices in life that you want to make. You can't just check out of your life and run away from who you are. Your mother couldn't do that, I couldn't do that and you can't do that. You are who you are, you were born that way and I've strived to give you everything you wanted in life. I never said no when it came to you and you know that. I always pegged you for a smart girl so don't prove me wrong by being stupid and gallivanting around with that blond haired boy because you're going to get both of you killed. If you can live with that on your conscience go ahead." He says and walks out of the kitchen, leaving me standing there in shock.
I've never seen that side of my father, ever. He's always been the loving and caring man that pushed me on the swings and game me a shoulder to cry on when things just weren't going right in my life. He's always been the man that gave me my dream car, sent my friends and I on spring breaks that cost a small fortune and he's right, he's never said no when it came to me, that was my mother's job. Now, though. Now I understand that he's someone else too. He's someone that has little regard for life if it's not his own and he doesn't take kindly to people questioning him, not that I've ever done that before this whole mess started.
He's always been my father and he's always been a mafia boss and I'm always going to be cought in the cross fire, weather it's fair or not.
I soak up the sun as I watch him walk across the grass. Three weeks ago I was so sure of what was going to happen after I finish school and now I can only hope I live long enough to start teaching dance classes in a week. I may not have had a clue on what I'm going to be in life but now it's very clear to me. I'm going to be the wife of a man I don't love but before I can do that I'm going to have to break the heart of a man I do love.
"Hey, you sounded off on the phone, what's wrong?" Tristan asks as he takes a seat next to me on the grass. He leans in to kiss me and I selfishly kiss him back while knowing I'm going to break his heart in less than ten minutes. If this is what breaking someone's heart is like I can't imagine people doing it every day. How do you live with yourself after crushing someone’s hopes and dreams?
"I need to talk to you about something." I say against his lips as the kiss ends. Neither of us pull back and I wonder if he knowns what's about to come.
"Okay, I'm listening." He says, finally pulling back and allowing me to look into his eyes. I wish I could just run away from him but I know that's not an option. Not in the life that I am forced to call mine now.
"I love you, you know I do but I've been thinking about us." I start and by the look on his face I can see that I've already broken his heart and I wish I can just take back what I'm about to say but I can't. Not if I want him to be safe. "What's going to happen when you go away at the end of the summer and I'm left behind? I don't want to be the person holding you back from enjoying your life at university." I tell him and he shakes his head.
"You're not going to keep me from anything. I love you, I've loved you forever so don't do this. Not without giving us a chance first, we haven't even been together for a full month yet, don't try to end a good thing." He begs and I close my eyes and lean my head against his chest.
"That's all the more reason to end it now, don't you think? When we haven't spent every waking moment together and the distance won't kill us slowly." I plead with him to understand, to except my lie and move on with his life.
"You're killing me now. Don't do this, please don't do this." He says, holding me against him, like he's afraid I'll disappear if he lets go and we both know I just might.
"I don't want to break your heart but selfishly I have to protect mine before I protect yours." I know these words will destroy him because Tristan has never been one to handle a selfish lover. He likes receiving just as much as he likes giving and for him to find out you're only in this for yourself is something that breaks him so when he pulls away from me I can't blame him.
"You know, you've been spoiled all your life but I never thought you would be selfish when it came to love. Don't you have any regard for the people around you?" He asks and before I can answer him he gets up and walks away. It scares me how easy it was to break him but when you've been friends as long as we have it's good to know what makes a person tick when you have to lie right to their faces.
As I watch him walk away from him I know I'm going to have to fix this somehow but it's not going to be today and it's not going to be tomorrow. Today I'm set on protecting him because no one is going to protect me from heartbreak I have to at least protect him and breaking his heart is the way to go. One thing I know to be true is all the love I have for Tristan Blake is the same amount of hate I hate for Xavier Black.