Under The Willow Tree

Octavias POV

“TCH… A 79? I should have done way better.” I muttered, clicking my tongue, and rolling my eyes. I shove the finished test packet, disappointing grade and all, into my bag.

’I would have done better, if I didn’t have that incident on my mind’ I thought, poking a jab at Lucia.

She doesn’t say anything, making me feel a little guilty for what I said earlier today. I had made a conclusion, an assumption, based on what had happened. It wasn’t right of me.

I stand from my desk, and swing my backpack over my shoulders as I follow my classmates out the door. ’Im sorry..’ I thought to her, lowly.

She gave me no reply.

’Lucia… talk to me.’ I sighed. ’Please?’

Again, no reply.

’At least let me know you are still there.’ I grew frustrated. I had always heard stories about other wolves, whose wolf had receded due to a broken heart or severe trauma.

This wasn’t the first silent treatment I received from Lucia though. Her being this way about things always scared me.

’What is there to talk about? I’m busy being upset with you.’ she whimpers, bringing me some relief… yet pushing the dagger further into my heart.

’I'm really sorry Lucia. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m just… I’m trying to protect us.’ I thought as I made my way back through the halls, passing the spot where I had found my mate just a few hours earlier. ’I don’t want to get hurt, I don't want you to get hurt.’

She stays silent, irritating me further as I pass through a door taking me into a descending hallway from my classroom. My shoes clip the floor softly as I walk.

’Can you imagine how much it would hurt if he rejects us?’ My chest grows tighter, almost suffocating me at just the thought of that situation. I unconsciously sniff around for his delicious scent, but I find nothing.

’I.. don’t want us to be put through that. We are so close to getting our space and freedom from mom and dad.’ I continue, pulling out my airpod case.

’I know.. But he is our mate. He was destined for us, chosen specially by the moon goddess.’ I can sense her frustration with me, as she barks in my head. ’We have to at least try to find him, and show him how amazing we can be. How much he could… Love us.’ I feel her grow sad again, less determined.

’Let me… think about it Lucia. Ok?’ I ask gently, placing my airpods in each ear. But without saying a word, she retreats to my subconscious, growing quiet once more.

’I can tell I really hurt her. But.. I'm trying to be realistic.’ I think to myself, zipping my airpod case back into the front pocket of my backpack.

I exit the back of the arts and sciences building through one of the fire safety doors, taking in a deep whiff of the fresh air as I walk along the sidewalk. Then something occurs to me, ‘Had I even thought about having a relationship?’ I glance around once more.

The realization hits me. I have never even been in a relationship. I hadn’t even thought about meeting my mate! What the heck am I supposed to do now?! I don’t even know him.

’Is that even.. something I want right now?’ I start to feel anxious, and overwhelmed. ’love?’ I pass swiftly between the math building and computer lab, and pull out my phone.

’No…no. I need to focus. I can’t be happy here… I can’t stay.’ I shake my head, attempting to shake away my thoughts of him.

I look down at my screen and start up the punk-pop radio, laughing lightly at myself. Changing my train of thought before I break my own heart even further.

’If Faye saw me listening to this, I would be a laughing stock.’ I think back to when we were kids, flipping our hair around and dancing like idiots in my bedroom. My chest sinks. ’I miss those days… everything was so much easier back then.’

As the sidewalk ends, I step into the familiar crunches of grass that lead to my safe place. I make my way through the beautifully shaded oak and pine trees filling the woods, enjoying the scents of nature flowing around me.

After quite a bit of walking, I come to a large willow tree, leaning towards a large flowing river. The sound of the river's light trickle was being drowned out by my music, but it was still there. The soft branches of the willow tree and it’s leaves flutter through the breeze, making a delicate yet calming scene.

At the base of the tree, between its large roots, there is a bowl-like dip. Cautiously, I take a seat. Making sure not to get any dirt on my leggings.

I look around, still enjoying my music on blast, and slide my backpack off. “Hmm.. where is it…” I murmur, digging around in my bag. “Ah!”

I pull out my sketchbook, and then a pencil and my manual sharpener. I sharpen my pencil before I take a deep breath, savoring the woodsy scent around me once more. Then I flip to the first clean page I can find.

I begin sketching, drawing the scenery laid out in front of me. I get lost in my drawings, forgetting about my troubles and drifting into my relaxation. ’This is exactly what I needed, some time just doing what I love to do.’ I sigh, a small smile creeping onto my face.

I come here a lot when I need to clear my head, or when I just want to escape from my reality. Everything here is peaceful, no fighting parents or irritating pack members hovering over me because of my parents protection orders.

It's even better that nobody is around to tell me what to do or who to be when I'm here, in my safe space. Everything feels natural and unforced. I feel like… me.

When I complete the sketch, I look around. Satisfied with how my view of the forest came out, letting out a light ‘ah’.

I flip to the final page of my sketchbook, and a thought pops into my mind. ’His eyes…’ I think back to when I met my mate… the only part of his face I recalled focusing on was his eyes. His large, emerald green eyes.

Our interaction had been so quick, I wasn’t able to catch what the rest of him looked like.

I hadn’t even seen his face, though I’m sure it was absolutely handsome.

I take a deep breath, and begin to sketch again. This time sketching his enchanting irises, carefully placing each line and swirl. ’I may not be able to add any color, but for now… I can create the pattern perfectly.’

His eyes were engraved in my memory. Even if I didn’t know him, even if I wanted to forget him forever, ultimately I couldn’t.

’Mate bonds are so strange..’ I thought to Lucia, as I sat my sketchbook down and leaned back against the sunken tree trunk. ’Nothing makes sense anymore.’

’Its meant to be that way, Mates are two halves of a single soul. Boundless, and passionate. Each is specially made for the other.’ She replies, as I start to feel relaxed and sleepy. ’We need to find him Octavia… he is meant to be our other half.’

She was right, for as long as I could remember I longed for my mate to come and take me away from my troubles. To change the perfectly planned out future my parents laid out for me. I had always wanted to be free, but I never imagined being free alone.

I am just in denial… over the timing. Over the ordinary way we found each other… and over the way he ran away.

I'm so close to freeing myself from their suffocating plans.

I'm in denial because… I already loved him. It didn’t even matter that he ran away.

It doesn’t matter that it is going to ruin my plans.

It doesn’t matter that it's probably going to hurt me.

I want to be with him.

My chest begins to throb again as I think about these things, my mixed emotions poisoning my consciousness.

I looked up through the leaves and watched the wind pull a few away from their branches. The sun rained down through each little space, casting shadows over my body as I relaxed there by the river.

I felt my stomach turn, with excitement and nervousness. It radiated around my body making me feel… like I could float away at any moment.

’I don’t know how to feel about any of it anymore Lucia.’ I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin mix with the gentle breeze.

’It’s okay to not know yet, just give it time. And don’t do anything rash in the meantime.’ she chuckles internally, receding into the crevasses of my mind again.

After awhile of laying under the tree listening to music, I felt my body grow lighter and lighter. Each breath taking me deeper into a peaceful sleep.