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~ Chapter Four ~

"Good morning, Doc," Nola - the main cook of the pack and one of my friends - said as I walked into the kitchen far too early for anyone else to be awake.

"Morning, Nola," I muttered back.

"Are you interested in the menu today?" she teased, turning to face me with her big smile. Normally, that smile would cheer me up, but I was missing a particular wolf and couldn't bring myself to feel many positive emotions yet.

"I have a better question," I told her. "What's on his menu?"

Nola stared at me a moment then turned around. "You know, for a doctor, you really don't know much about mental health."

"Nola-"

"You can't think about him too much, Erica. It just isn't... healthy. Like, at all. You know you can't have him. He'll probably be dead by the end of the week, anyway."

"Nola!" I roared, and she spun around to face me. "Can you not? It's hard enough trying to accept that myself, I do not need you reminding me." Nola's face slowly softened, so I folded my arms on the table and dropped my head onto them. My face tucked neatly into my elbow, where I hoped all of my problems would just go away.

I felt Nola come up next to me after a moment, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. She placed her head just beside mine and stood there for just a couple of seconds, which was all she could spare from the food she was making for the entire pack.

Before she pulled away, she whispered, "His menu consists of some of our best fruits today. Without exercise, I figure he'll need healthy foods. I'll make him a juicy sandwich for lunch."

I leaned back, turning to look into Nola's eyes. She gave me a soft smile. "For us, however, it's pancakes and bacon."

A smile lit up my face before I could stop it. "That's perfect timing."

"Well, actually," she said as she walked back to the oven, "I knew you'd want something you loved to get your mind off of everything happening. Clearly, I know my friend quite well."

"You do," I agreed.

"Don't try to think about him too much, okay?" she told me. "Just focus on trying to keep him alive, I'll try to keep him healthy. You know Connor's doing his best to keep him safe, too. I don't want you worrying when you can focus your mental energy on something much better."

"I don't like your mental energy talks, Nola," I admitted, "but you definitely have a point."

"My mental energy talks keep me sane," she mused. "Sit tight, I'll have breakfast served in no time."

I ate my breakfast about as quickly as inhaling, and I told Nola to make sure the kids of the house didn't have too big of portions unless they were Jacob, as he needed lots to sustain his current energy levels. She told me I was insane for thinking she could ever resist his puppy eyes, and I just laughed at her as I left for my office.

My day was wasted training, working on the injuries training caused, and working out. I was jittery as I ran around the pack grounds thinking about where exactly Dimitri had been picked up from a couple of days ago. There was the pool some distance from the house, which we didn't use much because Roger thought swimming together built bonds too strong - for whatever reason; there was the woods in general, in which he could've come from any direction headed to any destination; there was the driveway, even, where he might have tried to enter the house in hopes of finding peace, when really all we could offer him was violence - and then a mate he couldn't touch.

When I returned from the run with the pack, I rushed back up to my room and changed into something more conservative, so I wasn't teasing my mate when he couldn't do anything more than look and barely touch me. I dragged my hair, as frizzy as it seemed, into a dense bun at the top of my head, and went for the door.

Before I could step out into the hall, I was cut off by Connor. He shoved me back inside and followed, shutting the door lightly enough that not even James, who I'd caught a glimpse of down the hall, could hear it. My mouth opened to confront Connor for bothering me like this when he knew it was time for my daily visit, but the words never came out because I spotted blood on his hands.

"Keep quiet," he whispered to me.

"Why?" I was still staring at his hands.

"Roger, James, the other warriors. I just... They can't know I'm in here. Can you keep quiet?" I nervously nodded, so Connor breathed out in relief and said, "This isn't my blood or your mate's, before you ask. It's a rogue's."

"A rogue's?" I repeated. "I didn't see any during our run."

"That's because Roger didn't want you to. Do you know those wolves who went the other way? They were headed for the rogue."

I frowned. "That doesn't have anything to do with why you're here, does it?"

"No, I just didn't want you to think too hard about my hands." He tucked them into his pockets, which weirded me out only a little considering he really needed to wash them somewhere. "I'm here because I need to talk to you about Roger. I think he's... I think he's found his mate."

"His mate," I said in disbelief, scoffing. "Who?"

"This wolf came to the pack yesterday - he kept it quiet from everyone but James. She's some advocate for rogues or something, obsessed with stopping alphas from just killing the creatures as soon as they enter pack grounds." How impossible, I thought. With alphas and their egos, telling them simply to stop would go down about as well as telling them to kill themsleves.

"I caught sight of her before she left," Connor continued. "She and Roger were looking pretty into each other."

"That is not a visual I want," I groaned as I cringed. "Why do I even have to know this?"

"Because," Connor motioned at me, "you can use it. If Roger knows what it's like to be separated from his mate, he might feel some sympathy toward your situation. I'm not saying he'll let your mate free just like that, but he could... I don't know, ease up on you? Let you go down there more often?"

I bit my lip as I avoided Connor's gaze now. He'd always been just a little bit optomistic, even in the worst of circumstances. No matter what was happening, he always tried to be positive or, if that was close to impossible, he'd divert attention from a situation to make everyone feel better. More often than not, he made things worse by instilling false hope. Right now, he was trying to tell me that Roger, our close-to-heartless alpha who despised the thought of mates - particularly the bond they brought, would possibly change everything for one woman.

It was the biggest stretch Connor had ever made, and only upset me when I thought about what would really happen: Roger would snap, have my mate executed, and probably banish me from the pack just for meeting the guy. He could find a doctor elsewhere or just call on my father.

Something in my face must have told Connor exactly how I was feeling, because he sighed and his entire body sunk with the force of it. We both knew my situation was completely hopeless.

"I appreciate the thought, Con, I really do," I told him quietly. "I wish I could share your optimism... but I think we both know that isn't true. Nothing will come of this but pain for me, whether Roger finds his mate or not."

Connor breathed another heavy sigh. "I know, I'm so sorry it's this way for you."

"It's okay," I lied. "I'm going to see my mate now, if you don't mind. I have to get as much time in with him as I can before... before the inevitable." My voice was shaky and my eyes felt watery, but I fought through the tears that wanted to fall. I didn't have time to cry or to breakdown - not time that I could waste, at least.

Leaving Connor in my room, I headed out and down the stairs for the basement. Most of the pack warriors were off taking showers and preparing for the rest of the night, while I was walking in a pair of sweatpants and a short top to meet my mate, who was still imprisoned.

And waiting eagerly for me with a soft smile on his face despite everything.

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