Chapter 6

Tank

I’m sitting at the bar in the afternoon having a beer. Brit is sitting on my lap rubbing her boney ass against me trying to get my dick to rise. I’ve got one of my hands up her tiny shirt playing with one of her tits. Trying to get going but it isn’t working. Brit can try all she wants my dick doesn’t move unless I think of Lilly. I don’t want to think of Lilly at all. I need to get her out of my head. It is hard when she is around the club all the time. Or was until about two and half weeks ago. Now I notice she spends a lot of time with Lug Nut. At least three times a week. I don’t want to notice how much time she is spending with my brother. I don’t want to notice how she lights up when he comes here to pick her up to take her to wherever they go. Fuck. Why can’t I let her go? I haven’t even touched her and she is all I can think about. I have already decided a year ago that I can’t have her she shouldn’t still be on my mind all the fucking time. And it isn’t anything Lilly does. She isn’t trying to get my attention. Because of the way I act towards her Lilly stays as far from me as possible. But she is always on my mind. I can't shake her.

I’m pulled out of my head when out of the corner of my eye I see Lug Nut take a seat at the bar beside me. He gives me a nod but that’s it. Doesn’t talk to me. Several of my brothers have been like that more and more. They only talk to me when they have to. I know why they are like that. Some of it is the way I treat Lilly. They don’t understand I have to do everything I can to keep her from getting too close. It is for her own good. And the other part is since I can’t seem to get Lilly out of my head I stayed drunk more times than I can count on the days I do remember and have become an asshole to everyone around me. Noone wants to be around the drunk I have become. Not that I can blame them. I honestly am not sure how many would have my back right now.

Even my sweet club princess Merigold has said if I can’t get my shit straight soon she doesn’t want me around her or the kids. And that hurts bad. I love Merigold and those kids more than anything in this world and would never do anything to hurt them. But I get what she is saying. One time she brought the kids by, I was so drunk I couldn’t stand, let the less hold one of my god daughters. Another time I had a bunny on my dick and another tits in my hands. Normally that wouldn’t be a big deal. That day it was early in the morning and I had already been told twice that Merigold was bringing the kids by. And I was sitting at a booth close to the playroom. The kids had to pass by me to get to it. I felt like total shit when Merigold and Viper yelled at me. But the worst part was the look Merigold gave. It was a mix of disgust and disappointment. And Jace and Jax said they didn’t like me anymore because I was gross. I haven’t seen them since. And it hurts but I don’t know how to fix everything.

Lug Nut’s phone rings on the bar. I take a quick glance and see it is Lilly calling and that just pisses me off more. Why the fuck is she calling him? What is going on with those two? Is he fucking her? Why do I care? I see him smile when he answers the phone. “ Hey Lil.” But he stops what he was saying and the smile is gone. “ Calm down Lil. You need to breathe. Tell me what happened.” This now has my attention. Has something happened to Lilly? Is she hurt? He is silent for a second listening to her. Suddenly he stands damn near knocking the stool over. “ No, you did the right thing by calling me. Stay where you are. I’m gonna talk to Prez real quick, then I’m coming for you.” He says already towards Prez’s office. I don’t hear what else he says but I’m on high alert.

Not two minutes later Prez and Lug come rushing out of his office. Prez says “ Go and check on her. I’ve got Brick headed that way since he is closer. Bring her back here so I can talk to her. And Ace is on his way here.” Lug races out the door like his ass is on fire not even answering Prez. Not a second later I hear the rumble of a bike being started and the squeal of tires on the pavement. What the fuck? “ Hey, Prez. Problem?” Prez looks at me like he just noticed I was sitting there. “ Aww. Did the ugly cow get in trouble again?” Brit giggles while playing with the button on my jeans. Yea just hearing Lilly’s name got me getting hard in an instant. The timing couldn’t have been worse. Prez sneers at me and Brit “ Deal with your whore. I’ve got it handled.” Prez gives me and Brit a once over and shakes his head in disgust. Yea, I know I look like shit. And I’m acting like a dirtbag. I’ve got a beer in my hand and a shot of tequila on the bar and it isn’t even noon. I’m still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. I haven’t showered in at least two days. I think. I don’t know. I got black out drunk for the last two days. But that doesn’t stop Brit from taking my dick out of my pants and shoving it down her throat. I know she thinks it is her getting me going but it isn’t. It is all Lilly. It is always Lilly. Hell, it sounds like she might be in trouble so I shouldn’t be hard at all. But just the mention of her name is enough to get a rise out of me. Fucking pathetic. Prez walks back towards his office but yells over his shoulder “ Try to be finished before Lug gets back.” Then he slams the door to his office. I know he is pissed at me. I’m supposed to be his enforcer and I haven't been worth a shit to anyone for months now. Hell, I can’t even ride in the state I’ve been in. That is almost like death to bikers like us. We live to ride. Now it isn’t safe for me to go anywhere near my bike.

Ten minutes later Ace comes walking in. He sees me. Brit is on her knees trying to get my dick back to life. It started going down when I was in my head having a pity party. Ace shakes his head “ Fuck, Tank. You look like shit. You smell like rotten pussy and booze. Try getting a shower. I can smell you from here.” Ace walks towards Prez’s office when I hear him say “ Worthless fucker. Makes me sick.” I’m about to tell Brit to get up when Lug and Brick come charging through the door with the angel herself, Lilly boxed between them. Their arms around her. Prez must have heard them pull up because he runs out of his office with Ace in tow. Ace grabs Lilly checking her over like he is looking for injuries. When he looks at her hand he shakes his head. Lug grabs the first aid kit from behind the bar and heads to prez’s office. While Ace Lilly into a bear hug.

When he steps away Prez walks up and bear hugs her as well. He grabs her face and asks her something I can’t hear. Whatever it was she shakes her head no. Prez nods his head and hugs her again. I hear Brit say “ Fucking pathetic how they fawn over her fat ass.” Prez growls. Fucking growls “ Tank! Take your useless ass and whore out of here.” Keeping Lilly pressed against him, her face buried in his chest he goes to his office. Ace, and Brick follow, not even looking my way.