Cold.

That's how my surroundings had become ever since the rogue had opened his eyes. Their total blankness scared me. I wanted to run, but the intensity of his gaze, and the need to see more than his eyes, rooted me in place.

No color, just like water.

But I had seen. His eyes weren't as colorless as they appeared to be. Now and then a purple dot would appear. He is having an inner turmoil, which is what I tell myself every time that dot appears.

The eyes always tell you how a person feels, but not his eyes. His eyes leave you frustrated because you can't see. His eyes are like staring at a glass of water, desperately trying to find something, anything in that liquid of nothingness.

Another thing I couldn't explain was the internal heat I felt after I had seen his eyes. It was like my body was on fire, the familiar feeling of heat, but this type had me wondering. You don't go into heat until you have found our mate, and neither did m wolf and I recognize this man as ours.

Then why did I feel this need to rip off my clothes and crave skin to skin contact?

A cold shower didn't help either. I had opened my windows, hoping that the air would be able to put out that fire, but the cold had been too much, so I wrapped a blanket around myself to protect my nudity from the cold.

Going to the pack doctor is important, and going to see the rogue is another.

Going to the dungeons is a bad idea and I am mad at myself for even considering it. If I went down there, I am going to want him to want me. Having a rogue touch me is as bad as it can get, and as much as I need a fucking relief, he isn't going to be the one to do it. If he ever escapes, even if it is by mistake, the first thing he is going to do is touch me and I can't let that happen.

Alpha Davidson is my fuckbuddy. Anytime I needed relief, he was the one I went to, without hesitation.

At times, our intimacy would reach a point where he was close to marking me. I worried what his mate would think of him, of us if she found out. Davidson had given up on his mate the first time he fucked me. I know he wants me as his mate, his luna, but I am not going to jeopardize my mate bond and his, just for a few hours of fun.

His eyes widened when he took my scantily clad form at his doorway. If he is surprised to see me, then I have come at the wrong time.

He didn't kiss me back when I kissed him and I am sure something is wrong and I just hope it isn't what I think it is.

It was just a few moments of touching here and there before Davidson pushed me away. I used my hands to cover what I could. The internal heat has lessened, but it was still there. I am no longer cold, just dirty.

"You have found her, haven't you?" My voice was sad as I spoke, my heart breaking.

"Cersei," he says softly.

"Don't call me that David."

"I can't help it. It's not my fault you cut your hair like that."

"It has grown longer."

"You still need a haircut."

"Don't try to change the subject David. We have to talk about it."

"She doesn't even want anything to do with me. She called me a slut and burnt my mattress after learning about us and the others."

I chuckled softly. "I do have to agree with her David. You are a slut."

"That's not the point and you know it. I don't want us to end and you know it."

Sometimes, I wonder how David still maintained his alpha position. Womanizers don't stay on top for that long.

"I don't want to be the other woman David. We all have to make sacrifices at some point. Having a mate is a good thing. You need a luna David and I can't fill that spot, not when she is here. Goodbye David and thanks for tonight and all those other nights."

I shed a tear as I shifted into my wolf. David is the only alpha who thought I deserved to be alpha.

The painkillers weren't helping. Cody had prescribed them for me, telling me they would help with the headache and the heat. I had taken a shot of tequila, but even that didn't help.

A week had passed since I left my heart at David's place. I won't lie, I was beginning to like David. I would have accepted his proposal but it wouldn't be fair to anyone.

A knock on my door snapped me out of my thoughts. I quickly scrambled around for any piece of clothing. Nudity had become a thing for me, especially in my alone time.

The robe wouldn't cover much but I am not letting whoever is on the other side look at my body. I flung the door open.

"Eyes up here buddy."

Pink stained his cheeks as he cleared his throat.

"What do you want at this time Bradley? Shouldn't you be asleep or something?"

"Um, Alpha Beckett is here."

"Is he alone?"

"No. He brought someone with him."

I furrowed my brow. What did Beckett want at this time? And that too with a stranger? He was the first alpha who didn't want me around, but thanks to my awesome self, I didn't let him push me around.

He, together with the other alphas, Davidson included, watched in silence for the arrival of my mate. There was this sick belief that my mate was the only one who would be able to force me into submission since the other alphas couldn't do it.

"Um, okay," I said, gesturing for him to step aside as I started to move forward.

Bradley stood rooted in his spot. "Er.. my lady don't you think you should put on something before we leave?"

I patted his arm. Look at him getting all concerned.

"Don't worry, Bradley. If Beckett can't handle some skin, I'd skin him alive."

Swallowing painfully, he nodded.

Beckett wasn't smiling by the time I reached the living room. He wore his signature look.

"The least you can do on my lands is smile."

His frown only deepened when he took in my appearance.

"A man only smiles when he is happy."

"So, you have finally admitted to your long-life unhappiness. Man, am I glad."

"My happiness is none of your concern. I didn't come here in the dead of the night to discuss my happiness."

"If not, why did you disturb my sleep?"

I haven't slept for a while now. Having a rogue on my lands is unsettling, but it wouldn't cost me my sleep. The internal heat was something I couldn't handle.

Giving myself an orgasm only made things worse.

"The council didn't agree with me when I didn't want that clubhouse. Now look what it has done to my son. Look, see for yourself what your stupid clubhouse has done to my source of pride and joy."

He is ugly.

That was the first thing I noticed. I knew that even without the sideburns, scars, and a blind eye, he would still be ugly.

That was the highest form of ugliness.

Without blemish, and still, be ugly.

If I was his mother, I would have thrown him to the wolves. Not wolves, since he was a wolf, but to death itself.

Not able to hold it, I laughed.

Beckett frowned at me. "Are you done?"

"This is your source of pride and joy? Now I know why you have been unhappy all your life."

While Bradley was doing all he could to suppress his laughter, Beckett was building his rage.

I don't know if it was me or something else, but Beckett didn't shift.

But he didn't leave quietly either. After putting a hole in my wall, he left frowning.

"What was that all about?" I asked Bradley.

He shrugs. "I don't know, but I am advising you, my lady. You ought to be careful of that man. He is very angry and might stir up trouble."

Awww. "It's nice to know that someone cares about my sorry arse. But don't worry about me Bradley. They don't call me alpha for nothing. Now go to sleep Bradley. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."