4. Rain
This chapter contains some triggers as it has some non-con situation. I will mark that part with * if anyone wants to skip it.
My lips still tingle from the kiss Jordan gave me earlier. I don’t understand why he is suddenly acting so nice to me. Up until two days ago, he had treated me like I was a slave. ‘Rain, do this; Rain, do that. Rain, you don’t get to eat for two days for breathing.’ Then all of a sudden, he changed. Last night he not only stole my first kiss—which I so wanted to be with my mate—but he also brought me food.
He probably only wants sex. But why me? There are plenty of females in the pack to choose from.
Once I finish cleaning the windows, I drag my feet to the stairs. If I make Jordan wait any longer, he would probably punish me.
The scent of lemons reaches me, and I rush all the way down to the first floor. Females are busy setting the last details to the backyard, where the party is to take place, and I try to make myself as small as possible, not wanting to be spotted.
“Rain,” someone suddenly calls my name. “Can I have a word with you?”
I could recognize that voice anywhere. My hands tremble as I slowly turn around to face the male behind me. “Yes, Alpha Ben,” I reply to Jordan’s father, the Alpha of the pack.
“If you would be so kind, follow me to my office.”
To his office? No. No. No. I desperately look around, hoping that someone would need me, but no one is paying attention to me. For a moment, I even think of throwing something on the floor, hoping that it would get me punished, but Alpha Ben puts his left hand on the lower of my back and nudges me forward. His touch makes me want to vomit.
When we are in front of his office, he opens the door and shoves me in. The blinds are rolled down, casting shadows all over the room. I stop near the desk, and when I hear the door locking, my knees almost give in.
Suddenly I am grabbed by the shoulders, spun around, and pushed against a wall.
“You have been avoiding me for far too long,” Alpha Ben growls into my ear as he pins my body against the wall, his fingers wrapping around my neck.
His scent of sour lemons makes me sick.
“Please,” I beg when his free hand starts to unfasten my jeans. My heart pounds in my chest. Why is there no one helping me?
“You think I don’t know about Jordan kissing you?” he asks as he shoves his fingers inside of me, hurting me.
I bite my tongue and close my eyes while I imagine I am away from here. Safia blocks the pain, and a white wolf comes to my imagination. I dreamed of him once, a long time ago. In that dream, he was being hurt by monsters hiding in the shadows. I chased the monsters away, and as he bled, I held his head on my lap. When he closed his silver eyes, I woke up. Since then, he is always with me when I am being… hurt.
“Does Jordan suspect what we do in this office?” Alpha Ben asks while he continues to harm me. I shake my head. Alpha Ben has been very careful not to be caught by anyone. “Good. You will continue to see him and do everything he asks of you for as long as he wants.”
I say nothing as I focus on the white wolf. Like me, he has also been abused. He is the only one that understands me, understands what I am going through. At least, that’s what I am imagining.
“Do you understand, you little whore?” Alpha Ben snarls in my ear.
A whimper reaches my ears. Was that me? “Yes,” I agree in fear of what he would do to me if I say no.
“Good,” he says before removing his hand from my jeans and putting his palms on my shoulders. “It’s been a long time since I have seen your lips around my dick,” he says as he pushes me down.
Safia blocks everything that is happening. I keep my eyes closed, focused on the white wolf. When Alpha Ben is done with me, he steps away from me, and I rush to the bathroom attached to the office and throw up. The dull pain I feel between my legs quickly vanishes as Safia does her best to block all the ugliest parts of the attack. She could make me forget everything, but I need to know what Alpha Ben does so that one day I can be strong enough not to let anyone else abuse me again.
Toothpaste is on the left side of the sink, and I grab it. I squeeze so much into my mouth that I end up vomiting again.
Minutes later, when I am in control of myself, and my mouth tastes like I have eaten an entire field of mint, I fix my jeans and get out of the bathroom. Alpha Ben is sitting at the desk, writing something on his computer.
“Can I go now?” I ask, hoping that he is done with me and I can take a shower to remove his scent from me.
“As I said earlier, I want to talk to you,” Alpha Ben says and points at a chair in front of his desk.
I do as he asks and sit across from him. My hands still tremble, so I put them on my lap while I wait for the Alpha to tell me what he wants so I can get the hell away from him.
“Soon, you will be nineteen,” he says after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. “Old enough to find a mate. Have you thought about what will happen to you if you don’t find the one fated to you?”
Except for Mr. Smith, no one knows that I am planning to run away. “No,” I say.
“My son will soon get bored of you. He will fuck you a few times and then move on to the next female. He is still a pup who thinks he is ready to become the Alpha of this pack. You need a real male….”
I feel he is looking at me, waiting for me to say something. Even if I can’t see his face, I keep my eyes fixed on a stack of papers on top of the desk.
My mate will be a real male, one that would never abuse me or any other female.
“Someone like me,” he adds. “Deep in the forest is a cabin. No one resides there. If you agree to let me take care of you, I will have you live in that cabin. All you have to do is tend to my needs since my mate can’t do it.”
I grit my teeth. While Luna Maria is terrible to me, she deserves a better mate. “I would never say yes to the one that had abused me for years.”
A growl sounds inside the office. “You never said no to me, so don’t play the victim card with me, you little whore.”
Still looking at the pile of papers, I say, “Can I leave now? I still have things to do for the party.”
Alpha Ben is quiet for a few moments before saying, “Think about what I am offering you—a house of your own. And pups. If you want that.”
“I would rather kill myself than carry your pups,” I say before standing up and going to the door. To my relief, he does not try to stop me.
“You have the rest of the day off. Be… nice to Jordan,” he informs me as I unlock the door.
Once I am in the hallway, I run to my personal bathroom, and still wearing the clothes, I turn on the water. Under the sink, I have a bottle of bleach, and I pour as much as I can over myself. If I could, I would drink it as well. After I use the entire bottle of bleach, I remove my clothes and use what I have left of my soap to wash my hair. I even used it to clean my mouth again.
I don’t know what I would do without Safia. She always blocks all the worst parts of my abuse for me.
When I can’t smell his scent on my skin, I get out of the bathroom, dry my hair, and put on new clothes. At this point, I am not sure if I should go to the waterfall. Jordan probably got tired of waiting for me.
Why did this have to happen to me? I knew that monsters lurked in the shadows, and I tried my best to avoid Alpha Ben. Except, he never hides. He is in plain sight, always waiting.
Not wanting to risk making Jordan angry, I finally decide to go to the waterfall. Close to where the forest starts, I meet with Kevin. He has a little basket with food and some cans of soda, and a blanket with him.
“Rain, so glad that I found you,” Kevin says while handing me the blanket and the basket. “Jordan is getting really impatient. I will let him know that you will be there in a few minutes.” In a low tone, he adds, “Be careful with Jordan. Your birthday is soon, and you will find out who your mate is. Please wait until then before you decide anything.” His scent changes, letting me know he is nervous. “Please wait,” he asks me again before leaving.
Jordan is most likely annoyed by now. I better not make him wait any longer. While I am not a fast runner, I walk as fast as I can, hoping Jordan will not be furious when I do make it to the waterfall.
When I finally see a male sitting on a rock, I slow my pace. If Safia is right, it is Jordan, and he seems very annoyed. I swallow hard before making myself known to him.
“What took you so long?” he growls at me when I stop next to the rock he is sitting on. He sounds really angry.
I put the basket and the blanket down. “I had a small accident,” I lie. It seems that today I am telling a lot of lies.
Jordan hops down. “Are you well?”
Is he really concerned about me?
“Yes. A bottle of bleach fell on me when I tried to grab it from a shelf.”
“That explains that awful scent.” He spreads the blanket on the ground and sits on it. “Come here.”
I look at him awkwardly. I know Alpha Ben ordered me to do as Jordan asked, but I can’t help but be scared. Will Jordan hurt me as well? Suddenly my birthday seems so far away.
Not wanting to make Jordan more upset than he already is, I sit on the blanket. As far away from him as I can. Without warning, Jordan pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around my waist.
“I don’t bite, you know.”
If only he knew the truth. If only I could say what his father was doing to me… but I can’t. Not because I am afraid to tell anyone—which I am—but because Alpha Ben had ordered me not to say a word about what happens in his office. I have tried many times to tell Mr. Smith, but each time I opened my mouth, it felt like a big block of cement was stuck in my throat. And the pain of ignoring my Alpha’s orders was and is too much for me. So I do the only thing I can do—endure it in silence. Once I am nineteen, I have the option to choose if I want to keep living in this pack or not. Only if I hit my head so hard that I forget everything that has been done to me will I remain here.
Jordan dips his head, his mouth brushing against mine. “Your kisses are addictive,” he says against my lips.
I try to jerk away from him, not wanting to be kissed after what had happened earlier, but Jordan grabs the back of my neck, holding me still.
His left hand moves up, the tip of his fingers touching the underside of my breast. I fight the urge to remove his hand. “I don’t want this,” I say, hoping that he will stop.
“I will never do anything you don’t want,” he murmurs before kissing me.
I squeeze my eyes shut just as he cups my left breast. I don’t have a bra, and I can almost feel his fingers on my skin through the thin fabric of my shirt.
Left without any other option, I let my mind wander, imagining the white wolf while I wait for Safia to block whatever Jordan is about to do to me.
His lips continue to move on top of mine, his thumb circling my nipple.
‘Safia, come on!’ I plead with my wolf, not wanting to know, to feel anymore.
Tears sting my eyes when Safia continues to ignore me. Jordan’s hand slides down to the waistband of my pants, and I concentrate on the white wolf. He is the only one that can keep me safe now.
Jordan breaks the kiss and presses his forehead against mine. “Why are you so scared? I already said I won’t do anything you don’t want me to,” he snarls.
Great. I made him angry again.
I open my eyes.
“I… I… have never done this before,” I say a half-truth. Alpha Ben has only used his fingers to harm me, preferring me to perform oral on him.
Jordan kisses my forehead. “I know. We will have sex only if you want to, but stop acting like I am about to force myself on you because I am not.” I nod, but I don’t believe him. He grabs my chin and forces me to look up at him. I wish I could see the expression on his face. “I might be many things, Rain, but I am not a rapist. You are safe with me.”
Tears that I have been holding in for so long come pouring down my cheeks. I don’t know why, if it is from the way Jordan reassures me or the way he is holding me, but call me stupid for feeling safe with him, despite knowing what he ultimately wants—sex.
Even if I never had sex, I hate the idea of having to be intimate with someone. I know that the connexion sex brings is important between mates, but I am sure the male that is to be mine will be kind and patient with me until I am ready to take that step with him.
“Hey, hey, you are safe,” Jordan reassures me.
I sob because Jordan doesn’t make me feel… dirty. What is wrong with me?
Jordan growls. “Who the fuck hurt you?”
I shake my head, not being able to tell him even if I want to.
“You need to calm down because you are starting to freak me out. I don’t know what to do when females cry,” he groans.
Despite the situation I am in, I start laughing while tears still stream down my face.
“Are you crying or laughing?” he asks.
“Both?” I try to decide.
He snorts and grabs a can of soda. “Drink this,” he says after popping it open for me.
“Thank you,” I say after taking a few sips, the sugar making me feel better.
“What happened?” Jordan asks while cleaning my face with a napkin he found in the basket.
I try to think of something to tell him when I blurt out, “Do you know how long it has been since someone made me feel safe?”
Now, why did I tell him that?
Jordan gives me a peck on the lips. “Good. I am… sorry… for the way I treated you in the past.”
“Please, you just want to have sex,” I huff. “No need to lie to get laid. Just order me to stay still, and I will.”
“I would never abuse my Alpha Voice like that. I already told you I am not going to force you to do anything. If we are going to have sex, it will be because you want to be with me.”
I press my lips into a thin line for a few moments. “What if you find your mate tonight?”
“We will cross that bridge when the moment comes. Meanwhile, let’s see what Kevin put in the basket for us to eat and maybe have some fun in the waterfall.”
I glance at the pool formed at the base of the waterfall. Is it deep enough to swim? “I don’t have a bra on, just a pair of panties.”
“I am comando,” Jordan says, and I return my attention to him. “Skinny dipping is the best.”