Chapter 2

I came out of my room and found the room messy, it was dark and it felt suffocating in the living room, empty bottles of drinks lay on the floor and my mother sat down on the sofa with a picture album and tears in her eyes as she clipped through it.

I exhaled softly and walked over to the window and pulled the window open to let in the cold air. It was daylight but since the curtains and windows were closed it felt like it was late at night here.

"Robin." I heard my mother's soft voice and turned around to look at her. "Come over here." She taps the chair next to her, she looks so pale and I was not sure if she had any sleep last night since there were dark circles under her eyes.

I walked over to her and sat next to her like an obedient child, my mother had lost a lot of weight and it makes my heart bleed to see her this way, like someone who had lost her reason to live.

"Look at this," she pointed at a picture and I looked down at it. "Isn't this so lovely, aren't we both happy together, just you and me?" She looked at my face and I could still remember the time we took this picture. It was my four years birthday and the last time I saw my mother smile broadly.

"Mom..." I looked at her eyes and her eyes were suddenly covered with fear.

"I can not let you go, Robin," she said without hesitation like she already knew what my words would be. "I know he is your father, but I just can't." She shook her head and pulled me in for a tight hug.

"He is trying to take you away from me too," I pressed my lips together as I could feel my mother's heartbeat fast and her body trembled. "Your dad wants to go to the state with him, but if you tell him you won't go he will not take you..."

"I will go, mom." My words seem to make her still and she pulls me to an arm's length and looks at my face with a troubled expression.

"You would?" Her voice quiver and the look on her face was as if I had also betrayed her by saying that and tears filled her eyes. "Robin I would be so lonely, I would be lonely."

"Mom..."

"He is taking you away for a long time, don't you even think of my feelings? How can you say that Robin?" Tears rolled down her cheek and I wanted to lift my hands and wipe them off but I stopped myself.

"Mom, you have been lonely even when I am this close to you, you just care about your drinks and get wasted all the time." These were not the words I wanted to tell her, this was not the fuel I wanted to add to the flames, but would you blame me for this?

"Robin..." A line appeared in between her brows and her eyes searched mine with tears in them. "Not you too, you also think I am an irresponsible mother, how could you?" She began to sob.

"Not that mom," I said loudly.

"Then what Robin?" She cuts me off. "Stay with me and I will change my drinking habits." She begged me but I shook my head. I had pleaded with her over and over again on this issue but she had ignored me and had kept it up.

"If I stay with you, you will lose me forever..."

"What are you talking about Robin?"

"I saw it." Tears filled my eyes but I never wanted to cry, crying was for weak people. "I saw the court file, I read it..."

"No, you didn't..." She looked at me with a furrowed brow. She must have thought I was naive to all that had been happening, but they have made me smart, they have made me this way.

"I did and it says that dad has the right to take me away from you once I turn seven and that if you refuse, he would take me away and you would never see me again."

"Robin..." Tears flowed uncontrollably from her eyes and she held my shoulder with sadness.

"Don't you want to see me again mom?" I looked into her eyes and I could feel the pain she felt. "Don't you want us to meet again?" I held her hands. "I want to meet you again mom." The tears I had been holding back flowed down my cheek.

"I want to be with you too, but...not now," I shook my head. "Not now mom, let me go with dad and when I get my right, the rights to make my decisions, I will return to you," I assured her and the tears in her eyes seemed to stop flowing.

"Robin..." She pulled me into a hug and I felt so small in her embrace. "My child, I am so sorry to have laid so much burden on you son, I am truly sorry."

I know my mother loves me, just like she had told my father, I was the only joy she had left, she had never hit me before, no matter what, just wanted her to stop all the feelings she had for someone like my father, perhaps that way she could feel less lonely.

"Just promise me one thing mom, promise me you would stop drinking and start a new and better life." I let her warmth envelop me, who knows, this might be the last time I see her.

She pulled me from her embrace and locked eyes with me. "For you son, I promise this." I forced a smile and raised my hands as I wiped off her tears. I wish this was the last time she cries and wishes this was an honest promise she was making.

I looked out of the window and exhaled softly as I got up from the sofa. "Since I would be leaving soon, let me go look around one more time." She nodded and I walked out of the house after picking up my coat.

I was not going to miss this country, I had no friends in it, no friends in school either, I was more like a kid without feelings and I love keeping to myself, all I did was to watch my mother cry and lock my heart.