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Chapter 5: Jayce

I watched Macey’s face disappear behind the closing doors of the ambulance and then continued to watch as they pulled away, lights flashing and sirens crying against the pale gray sky. Today wasn’t the first time one of my teammates had fallen. It tended to happen more at the beginning of the year, after a summer of lounging around instead of practicing almost exclusively every day, but guys still struggled after the winter break as well. I tried to remind the guys to keep up their hydration and drink water, but sometimes it didn’t matter. Sometimes practice was just…hard.

“Think he’s going to be okay, cap?” my friend and fellow player, Dalton, asked, slapping the dust from his cap on his knee. I nodded, adjusting my cap, and turned back to my team. The other students mainly had departed now, leaving us once again alone on the field. Our coach was out for the day, leaving it to us to practice without killing someone, which at this point didn’t seem like too far of a stretch after Daniel.

“They think it’s dehydration,” I said. “Hopefully, he’ll be alright. Dehydration is a serious thing, my friends. Don’t let something like that take you out of the game. It’s entirely preventable.”

“Okay,” Dalton said, tossing me the ball with a nod. “Let’s get back to practice.”

~ ~

I’d been looking forward to seeing Macey all day long since our run in on the field, so much so that I was actually early to our tutoring session—my first time early to anything, ever—and I had to sit alone at one of the study tables pretending to read a textbook for twenty minutes before she arrived. But when she did come, I realized, just like the first time, the wait had been worth it.

“Hi,” I said as Macey dropped her bag and slid into the chair across from me. “How was your day? Full of adventure, I hope.”

“It was good,” she said with a small smile. “I mean, aside from the fallen player, of course.”

“Daniel is going to be okay, right?”

“Yeah. The doc confirmed that it was just dehydration. Hopefully, it doesn’t happen again. How was your day?”

“Better now that you’re here,” I said smoothly, and she rolled her eyes. I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the tabletop, eyes pinned on Macey. She couldn’t hold my gaze, and I loved that every time she did look at me, a pink tint in her cheeks appeared. “I had no idea you were an EMT.”

“Just a volunteer,” she said quickly as if that discounted anything. “While I go to school. It will look good on my medical school application, and I enjoy the work. Really enjoy it.”

“You’re a brave soul,” I said. “Do you see lots of difficult things?”

Macey shrugged like she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about it, but I could tell she did. I could tell her eyes lit up as she spoke of that part of her life. “Eagle River isn’t an enormous district, so most of the stuff is pretty mild,” she said. “But occasionally, we get some really good stuff. And if Denver needs more hands, we’ll ride with them. Much more action there, if you ask me, but I still wouldn’t want to be there seeing that every day.”

I pursed my lips and nodded at her, impressed and admiring Macey Britton more with each passing second. She was bright. She was fearless. She was a healer.

“Very few can do what you do,” I said, and Macey flushed crimson again. “You should be proud of yourself.”

“Thanks,” she said with a forced smile, and I couldn’t pinpoint her tone of voice. Doubt? Insecurity? All of the above?

“Truly.” I leaned back in the chair and studied Macey, scanning the lines on her face for a story I was desperate to learn. Why did I care so much? I didn’t know. It had been a long time since I’d carried about anything or anyone that wasn’t baseball. “Give yourself some credit, Britton. You are a badass.”

“That’s quite the compliment coming from the self-proclaimed King Badass,” Macey said with a teasing grin that made my fingers tremble with desperation for her. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and pretended to scoff.

“Baseball is easy,” I said. “Well, maybe not easy, but nothing like going to school full time and working as an EMT, anyway.”

“We do what we must, right?” Macey said, but there was an unmistakable sadness inside her voice when she said this, as if she were genuinely exhausted.

“We should only do what we’re capable of,” I corrected her. “Burnout is a thing. Sometimes people like us forget to stop and smell the metaphorical roses. But we should. There is more to life than success. First, there’s happiness. And rest.”

“What is it they say,” mused Macey. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“Ah,” I said with a knowing nod of my head. “You’re one of those.”

“One of what?”

“One of those strive-for-greatness people,” I told her. “Big dreams, big career, big life. You’ll run yourself into the ground before you ever think about slowing down, and by the time you have it, you will have already died for it.”

“Are you really going to sit there and tell me that you’re not like that, too?” she asked, her eyebrows furrowing with disbelief. “You’re a college athlete whose livelihood depends on how you act, play, and live. You know the game, Jayce. We both do, and we both know what it takes to survive in this world, to excel.”

“I guess the difference is I’m not willing to die for baseball.” I leaned back in the chair, my eyes scanning Macey’s face with nothing but genuine curiosity. Everything she said, everything she did, enthralled me. Intrigued me. I actually cared about what she had to say; it looked like she felt the same. “Do you sincerely believe that playing baseball is the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my life?”

“I have to assume that most college athletes who are on full-ride scholarships enjoy the game enough to stay,” she said with a shrug. “Otherwise, they’d find other ways to pay for school.”

“Baseball is just a perk,” I told her, lacing my hands over my stomach. “I like to play, and I like not having student loan debt. What happens after college is completely up in the air.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, it’s so.”

“If that’s the case, Jayce, what is it you really want to do?” asked Macey, leaning forward to rest her arms on the table between us. “If you could never play baseball again, what would make you equally happy?”

“Math,” I said with a shrug, and Macey’s brow furrowed.

“Math?”

“That’s what I said.”

She nodded, sitting back in her chair and tapping her bottom lip with her index finger. “Math,” she repeated. “Who on earth actually likes math?”

“Well, I do, for one.”

“And you’re, like, good at it?”

I laughed, drawing a frown from Macey. “I’m good enough,” I told her. “You’ve never bothered to ask what I intend to major in.”

“Oh, you mean it’s not baseball?” she teased.

“No, it’s not baseball.”

“Then what?”

“Chemical Engineering.”

“Really.”

“Yep. Like I said, I love math. It’s just writing papers I have a hard time with. Words, ick.” I made a vomit face and gagging noise, and Macey giggled, her sweet sound ringing like Christmas carols in my ears.

“Don’t tell anybody,” she said, lowering her voice dramatically. “But I can’t do math for the life of me. If someone held a gun to my head and set a timer for me to do a basic math problem, I’d probably just die.”

“Hence why you’re an English tutor,” I said with a nod. “I guess that makes us the perfect pair then, doesn’t it?”

Macey’s laugh dulled a little at that, and I could almost see her internal struggle with keeping it professional or joking around with me. I loved when she opened up and didn’t want her to close back down. I was getting through what seemed to be the many layers of Macey Britton.

“What about you?” I asked before she could change the subject. “What’s your major?”

“What, you don’t know already?” Macey’s smile broadened again, and she reached one hand up to touch the braid that fell over her shoulder, fingering it unconsciously. A habit.

“I’m pretty sure I do,” I said. “But it would sound better coming from you. Pre-med, right?”

“Well, yes,” Macey said, and a small dimple appeared on her left cheek as her smile grew. “But you know that pre-med isn’t a major, right?”

“What?”

“Yeah.” She laughed, throwing her head back, and fuck, all I wanted to do was touch her. Feel her. I wanted to run my hands over her body and tease her like she teased me without even realizing it. I wanted to kiss her neck until she moaned for me, push her against the wall and fuck her until neither of us could stand or breathe.

Jesus Christ, Jayce, get a grip.

“Why are you laughing?” I asked, forcing my thoughts to wander back into safer territory.

“Pre-med isn’t a major,” she said again, that smile never wavering. “Biology is what I’m studying.”

I shook my head and leaned back again in the chair, folding my arms across my chest as I pondered this. “All these years,” I mused. “All these years, I always thought ‘pre-med’ was a major in itself.”

“It’s forgivable,” Macey said with a shrug. “You’re not the first.”

“Good.”

“Good,” she said, and now her serious face was back. “Now, let’s get to work before I get fired for not doing my job.”

“You’re a volunteer, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but it’s for my medical school application, so focus, Jayce.”

I didn’t want to, but it was time. Macey and I spent the next half hour going over my homework, working on the paper I hated to write. And even then, doing nothing but studying, seeing her there with her nose in a textbook and a permanent wrinkle of concentration etched across her forehead, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

She was…everything.

“Okay, that’s all the time I have tonight,” Macey said after glancing at the clock on her phone. “You did well today. The paper is really looking good. With just a few more minor edits to some parts, you can turn it in next week, and we can move on to the next project.”

“Sure. Thanks. Sounds good.”

She stood to gather up her things and put them back in her school bag, and I watched her do this, not yet ready to bid her goodnight.

“Wait,” I said, pushing my laptop to the side. “I’m exhausted, you’re probably exhausted, and the night is still young. Would you like to go get some dinner at the Mexican place down the block?”

“Dinner? Now?” Macey said, glancing at her watch, and I was almost certain she would deny me right then and there. I expected it. She already had once, after all.

“Yes,” I confirmed, trying feebly to keep the confident bravo in my voice. “Dinner.”

Much to my surprise, after a long moment of trying silence, Macey nodded just once, but it was all I needed. “That sounds nice,” she said. “Are you treating?”

“Well, that depends,” I said. “Can we call this a date?”

“No,” she said. “We can call it two friends having dinner because it’s late, and I don’t want to heat up ramen at home.”

“Deal,” I said, and Macey grinned. I didn’t care if she didn’t want to go on a date with me yet. She would know soon when the time was right. My primary focus was to get to know her. I wanted to be around her. I loved the company. She truly was…my friend, and I needed more of those.

“Okay then.” She strung her backpack over one shoulder and waited for me to pack up. I wanted to hold her hand as we walked, but it was too much, too soon, and I knew she wouldn’t fall for it. With how adamant Macey had been this far about not dating me, I wasn’t sure I wanted to get punched in the face tonight.

“It’s so nice out,” Macey mused as we walked shoulder to shoulder down the sidewalk towards the cute little campus restaurant. She was right, of course. It was beautiful out, the full moon basking us in the warm glow of the sky. Stars shone like fireflies in the all-consuming blackness above us. It was chilly, as it almost always was in Colorado at night, but neither of us seemed to mind.

“Here,” I said, shrugging off my school baseball jacket. “I can’t tell if you’re cold yet, but it’s getting chilly.”

Macey opened her mouth, probably to argue, but I already had the jacket draped over her shoulders before she could fight me. She seemed to succumb to her vulnerability then, and I saw the tension leave her shoulders as she relaxed.

“Thank you,” she said instead, and even under the inky blackness of the night, the red tint in her cheeks appeared.

“You’re welcome.”

The restaurant was close, and after requesting a table and being sat down in a small booth in the corner, Macey and I ordered our drinks and some nachos for the table. It was after ten, so the place was almost completely deserted, leaving the two of us to get to know each other under the best circumstances.

“This is nice,” Macey said, taking a sip from her soda. “It’s been a while since I’ve had something other than Ramen noodles and orange juice.”

“Together or apart?” I asked, and Macey chuckled, casting her eyes down to the tabletop.

“Either,” she said. “It’s easy to get creative when you live off microwave noodles.” She smiled playfully when she said this, and all I wanted to do was lean across the table and kiss her.

“Lucky for you, I’m a huge Ramen noodle fan,” I said with a shrug. “The biggest.”

“Lucky for me?” Macey repeated. “What do you think is going to happen, Gregory? Do you believe even for a second that I’m actually going to cook for you?”

“Well, yeah.” I reached for a chip off the plate of nachos the server delivered and popped one into my mouth. Macey did the same, but a small dribble of melted cheese clung to her chin, and my fingers itched to wipe it away. I resisted the urge because I didn’t want to scare her off so soon. But by her third, unknowing bite, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I leaned across the table as Macey stared at me, and my thumb brushed her chin. The tiny speck of cheese fell, but I let my hand linger there for a moment longer as Macey and I stared at each other…lost, somehow, but also found.

“Jayce,” Macey said softly, and she pulled her head back just an inch, not even that, but it was far enough to break contact.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“It’s…fine,” Macey said with a quick shake of her head. But it didn’t sound fine.

“What’s wrong, Macey? Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”

She shook her head again, but I didn’t have to push her because she continued to speak a moment later.

“I like you,” she said, subconsciously tracing the condensation on her ice water glass. “But I don’t think I’m in a place right now to be serious with anyone.”

It took a moment for her words to register, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was caught off guard or if I was trying to make up for the fact that she had just shut down any future I’d ever considered having with her. Which, to be honest hadn’t been a huge thought of mine, but I would have liked to know that the opportunity was there.

So, like any super-intelligent but somehow still douchey college guy, I said the first thing I could think of to defend my surprise. “Serious?” I asked. “Who was asking you to be serious?”

I don’t know what provoked me to say it. Macey was cute, hell yes, and she was charming. And funny. And stupidly kind. And gorgeous, in her own nerdy, hippy way. But I wasn’t in the market for a girlfriend, either.

At least, that’s what I was telling myself.

“If you’re not hitting on me, then what in the hell are you doing?” Macey asked, zoning in on me. There was anger in her eyes, so intense that I had to look away for a moment to gather my bearings.

“We’re friends,” I said. “You’re fun to talk to, fun to hang out with. I’m sorry if I came off as flirty. I guess I’m just over-friendly.”

“Oh,” Macey said with a nod. “Yes, that you are.”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, Macey, I’ve wanted to get into your pants once or twice since I met you, but I’ve concluded that friends are probably the best we can hope for now.”

Keep talking, Jayce. The hole isn’t deep enough yet.

“You know, you’re right.” Macey smiled again, but it wasn’t her usual smile—her easygoing, lovely, friend-of-the-world smile. Not this time. This time, it was deadly. Sinister, even. “I’m so glad that we’re such good friends. Friends are great.”

“Good then,” I said, smiling politely at the server as she dispersed our plates on the table in front of us. “I’m glad that’s all settled.”

Macey nodded, poking at her burrito with the tips of her fork. She was bummed, I could tell, but I didn’t know what exactly she was upset about. She’d openly rejected me twice, and the moment I said to her that I was okay with being friends, suddenly I was the bad guy?

“What’s wrong?” I asked, cutting off a piece of my burrito. I shoved it into my mouth and chewed, hoping Macey didn’t notice how my eyes welled up with tears as the shredded chicken burned my tongue. But I couldn’t spit it out, not in front of her. I could only swallow like a jackass.

“Nothing’s wrong.” She put her fork down and reached for another sip of the soda. “I just suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, right? You wouldn’t be caught dead with a girl like me.”

This time, halfway through a large swallow of Coke, I spit it out, mostly out of shock than anything else.

“Seriously?” I grabbed a napkin from the table and started mopping the sticky mess, staring down at Macey. “You rejected me multiple times, then had the balls to sit here and tell me you didn’t want anything serious, and now you’re blaming me?”

“No, I’m not blaming you. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” Flustered suddenly, Macey dropped her fork from her hand and reached for her jacket. “I should go,” she said. “Thank you for dinner.”

“You didn’t even eat.” I started to rise from the booth with her, but she put her hand out to stop me, an easy, everyday gesture that still somehow shot an icy shard through my heart.

“I just remembered that I have an exam tomorrow that I need to have homework done for,” she said, but the false bullshit in her voice was clear as crystal. “But I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Macey.” Before I could stop her, Macey shrugged on her jacket and walked right out the door, vanishing on the other side of the swinging glass entrance. I stared after her, stunned, not realizing that my jaw was hanging open until the server came up to the table with a pitied expression on her face.

“Date didn’t end well?” she asked kindly, and I slammed my jaw close.

“Um. It—it wasn’t a date. I think. Check, please?”

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