Chapter 3 - Rage
Rage
Outside the cave, the sun shone through the heavy grey rain clouds. In the light, I could see the dried blood on my hands and knees, the blood of my people, spilled over the cave floor I crawled on. I summon the strength I had left to my legs as I pushed myself towards the river, now filled once again. With a single thought on my mind, I threw myself into the water. I have to get clean! The heaven would not forgive me for having the blood of my people on my hands. I dove under the surface and ripped a handful of old dead weed from the bottom of the river. I scrubbed my skin free from the blood, but I couldn’t stop, in a desperate attempt to replace the pain in my chest, I scrubbed my body with the rough weeds until the skin felt raw. I cried, for my mother, for the children, and for all the people in our cave. The pain in my heart was unbearable. I screamed, trying to relief the pressure over my chest. I screamed until my throat was sore and I tasted blood in my mouth, begging the big Heaven to tell me why. I crawled up on the river bank and wrapped my arms around my thin body, missing my mother’s embrace. I couldn’t scream anymore and after a while, I ran out of tears and drifted into darkness.
Rain woke me up. I didn’t move at first, still hoping to hear my mother or someone in the cave. I knew I wouldn’t hear anything, I knew I was all alone, but if I didn’t open my eyes, I could stay just a little longer. The rain grew more violent and i rolled over on my back and oped my mouth. The sweet drops coated the dry inside of my mouth. I licked my cracked lips and swallowed to moisten my aching throat. My mother’s last words echoing in my head, “Survive! Do you hear me? Promise me you survive!”
I sat up and let my eyes wander across the land.
I wondered how long I had slept. The grass seemed to have grown, the water in the river looked clearer. I could see the cave from here, but I couldn’t go back there. Where would I go? Our old village was gone. It burned down due to the angry sun. The cave saved us. It gave us shelter from the sun and the wind.
I stand up and start to move towards the side of the cave. There were still some crops left in the ground, so I used my hands and fingers to dig them up. I found a piece of cloth to wrap them in and another to put over my shoulders. A few straps of leather and a strawhat to shield me from the sun. Up on my feet, I held my hands out in front of me, watching the rain clean the dirt of my fingers. I was wondering if these fingers could dig a grave for my people. Were they supposed to? As a sole survivor, does it fall to me to bury the bodies scattered in the cave? I feel a flame in my chest. It grows into a raging fire as I think of what happened here. Why? What did we do to deserve this punishment? What was the offence resulting in this cruelty? Why give us the rain and lift our spirits, only to take the joy away in the most cruel way? I tilt my head up to stare at the Heaven and, with a strong low voice, unknown to me, I say, ”You killed them, you can bury them,” and I began to walk.
I followed the river in the direction of the current. After a while, the rain stops and I can see the sun setting, but I don’t want to stop, I don’t want to rest and dream only to wake up to this nightmare. My chest is still burning, anger pulsing thru my body, and the rage keeps me moving. As the sun sets, the full moon climb and lights up my way. In a distance I hear a howl. A howl is a good sign, I think to myself. If the predators is back, so is the prey.
“At first light, I will tie a snare and maybe I can catch a rabbit,” I whisper out in the night. Another howl, and it sounds closer, but it doesn’t scare me, I find it rather comforting knowing I’m not all alone, and through the night the howling keeps me company.
I can tell the riverbank is getting wider. Sand replaces the mud and dead grass. I decide to stop for a while. I take the cloth from my shoulders and lay it on the sand and sit down. My stomach is rumbling and for the first time since this nightmare started, I felt hunger.
Grabbing a beetroot from the other cloth and brushing the dirt away, I put it to my lips and close my eyes.
Filling my belly made the fire fade a bit. It was still there, but it wasn’t raging. I walked down to the river, crouch down and scooped up water to drink with my hands.
I stay still for a wile, staring at the reflection of the morning sun dancing on the surface of the river. Crickets and other insects wake up to play in the dawn and fill the air with small noises.
I haven’t heard a howl in a long time and it makes me feel lonely.
I walk back up the sand, starting to tie my snares, a skill everyone in the village had to learn as children in order to help before they were old enough to hunt. I feel my heart ace as pictures floods my mind, memories of my mother so patiently sitting with me to learn the different types of knots and which ones are used for different animals. Suddenly, I hear a twig breaking in the bushes behind me. I’m fast on my feet, expecting to see golden eyes on a pale face. But I don’t. I hear a few more twigs snap before a gigantic wolf appears from the shadows. The wolf stops before it gets too close. Glowing eyes are staring at me and I can’t stop myself.
“If you look for something to eat, I’m sorry to disappoint, nothing more than skin and bones here,” I chuckle, surprising myself that I’m not afraid. Not even a little. Maybe it’s because of the lack of sleep, the exhaustion, or I have simply just lost my mind or my will to live.
It’s an enormous wolf, Ive never seen one up close before, but I know they are not supposed to be this huge. The fur is thick and has the same color as the Heaven on a clear night, I can even se her children shining in it, the sun reflects and thousands of stars seem to live in the dark fur. This fuels the fire in my chest once again.
“Of course it’s you!” I scream at the wolf. “Come to finish the job have you? Well, go on! Get it over with!” I stare into the wolves’ eyes, they seem to shift from green to blue to violet, and I breathe heavily. Is it going to kill me? Think of it, I really don’t care. Its almost as I hope the wolf does me the favor. Then I think of my mother’s words.
” Promise me you survive” I look at the beast again.
“You are going to make me keep my word, aren’t you?”
The wolf sits down on its hind legs, tilts its head up, and lets out a long, strong howl. The sound vibrates in the ground beneath me and goes directly to my heart. and soothe the flames. I am shocked at first, then I feel the angry energy rolling off my body. I slump down in the sand, the small grains cut into the dry skin on my knees but it doesn’t bother me, that pain is nothing to the one in my chest. I am shaking, crying, trying to hold on to the rage that kept me going but it slipping away. The wolf circles me a few times and then takes its place beside me, whines a little before shocking me by putting its colossal head in my lap. My tears are still flowing down my cheeks as I lift my hand and start stroking the soft fur.
It’s like water between my fingers, every hair perfectly inline with the others.
The feeling in my palms reminds me of the fur-coat my mother wore when the cold came. She told me my father got it for her when she was expecting me.
I never knew my father but every time my mother spoke of him, the love in her eyes was overwhelming. She loved him so much when he was alive, and she missed him so much when he were gone. I look at the wolf with his head on my legs.
This must be a weird dream. Soon I will wake up confused. Confused but relieved, that instead of dreaming about the carnage in the cave, I dreamed about a monsterwolf consoling me. The colossal head leaves my lap and comes up to my face. I feel its breath like a warm and moist wind on my cheeks. I thought it would smell bad, like the dogs in the village when I was a small child, but it doesn’t. It smells like fruit and flowers, Like trees in the spring and the first harvest of crops in the summer. It smells like earth itself.
A big nose is sniffing me, the cold wet feeling makes me shiver, a warm smooth tongue is licking away the salty drops still leaving my eyes. It licks my cheeks, my jawline, my neck and the top of my chest, determined to erase every trace of my sadness. The nose stops at the crock of my neck, sniffing and taking deep breaths, and I am really starting to feel better. I bury my fingers it the fur, enjoying the feeling, I let out a deep sigh and close my eyes but snap them open as I feel 2 canines penetrating my skin, sinking past my flesh and into my very soul.