Read with BonusRead with Bonus

Chapter 7

Aubrey sat patiently before me, but the annoyance rolled off of her in waves. I wondered if it was directed at me, and I wouldn’t blame her because our last conversation hadn’t been the nicest.

“I…” she started, but paused and breathed deeply, “I stopped seeing him.”

“Is it okay if I ask why?”

She seemed nervous, fiddling with her thumbs as if she had a secret too big to bear. Her eyes were red, nose puffy, and cheeks bright with freckles. Aubrey was not okay.

“I’m so tired, Lilith,” she whispered while staring blankly at her hands. “So, so tired of not feeling what I want to. What I should.”

“And what should you feel?” I tried to sound kind. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect besides more recklessness and demand on her part. I was only here because she paid me for this meeting. As sad as that sounded, that’s just how business worked.

At least that’s how I worked.

Maybe I had deep-set issues related to money that I should’ve been looking into. Either way, I had to try to care about Aubrey’s feelings. Surprisingly, I didn’t have to put in much effort because deep down, I understood where she was coming from.

“I know books and movies aren’t the best place to look for what romance is like but,” She sighed, “I was talking to a friend yesterday and…it was just the way he talked about her and the way he looked at her when she came to pick him up…”

“Oh…”

Yeah, I knew what she felt.

“It felt like I was watching a movie about the two of them.” She twiddled her thumbs, teeth digging into her bottom lip. “For some reason, I feel like I can never have that. My heart’s never, like…fluttered with anyone, and I’ve never been able to be myself around people.”

“Why is it so important for you to be with someone right now?” I asked gently, reaching over to touch her knuckles with delicate fingers. “You have so much to live for, you know?”

“Like what?”

“Well, when’s the last time you designed something?” I prodded while racking my brain for her profile that was snugly put away in the second drawer of my office. “I remembered you having a really successful fashion show in Dubai two years ago. Why haven’t you done anything since?”

“My boyfriend at the time felt it was too much pressure to date someone that well known.” She shrugged and pulled away to chip at a cookie on her plate. “Said I was susceptible to cheat when I had so many rich men with their eyes on me.”

I was stunned and shocked but realized that I’d almost done the same thing to please Mark back when I was dating him. I’d almost dropped my full-ride scholarship to college because he was so sure I would cheat when I left. Luck had been in my favor, though…but not in the way I expected.

Shaking my head lightly, I pushed away the horrid memory and focused back onto Aubrey who had decided to try dipping her cookie into her coffee.

“I think you need another fashion show, Aubrey,” I said in all seriousness.

“What.” She blanked out and dropped her cookie. Coffee droplets splashed onto the mahogany table, and I wondered if she’d given up on herself enough to never reconsider such a thing.

“I said what I said.”

“Lilith…” she began slowly as if talking to a toddler, “do you not understand how long it takes to build a reputation in the fashion world? And I just…dropped out! I’m not relevant anymore.”

“And what does that matter?” I gave a nonchalant shrug. “Bring your friends over, make them try it on, have a good day. I’m not asking you to go big, I’m asking you to go home. Where your heart is.”

Aubrey sat before me in stunned silence, and I felt so sorry for her. Had she truly forgotten herself to such an extent? How much had she changed herself over the course of a few years just to please men that could never truly love her?

“I don’t know if I have it in me.”

“I guess you need to start going to a few fashion shows and be inspired again.” The words spilled out of my mouth as a matter-of-fact reply. I wondered where I was getting all the right things to say so confidently. Admittedly, maybe I really wanted Aubrey to be okay again and it wasn’t just because of being paid. She was such a nice person, if only a little clueless.

She stood up abruptly, determination on her face. “I’ll do it!”

“Right now?” was my bewildered response. Her face fell and she plopped back down.

“No, not right now.” She sighed. “I have some things to take care of by the end of the week, but I’ll book the ticket for it right here and now.” She quickly pulled out her phone and tapped away. “I can’t give myself a moment to be distracted or forget about this.”

I chuckled as genuine warmth and adoration flooded my chest. “I’m glad you’re getting a head start.”

We got up to leave after I was done sipping my coffee. She’d booked her ticket, and I could see her skin practically buzzing with excitement. We walked out of the store to part ways, but she grabbed my hands before I could leave.

“Lilith”—She squeezed my fingers between hers, eyes shining—“you…you come off pretty strong sometimes but…it’s done me a lot of good. You’re probably the only honest person I have in my life. Thank you.”

I smiled and patted her hand. “You’re a good person, Aubrey. I have faith in you.”

With that, I gave her a small wave and walked off.

Tugging my coat tighter around myself, I picked up my pace. My heels clacked on the sidewalk, and I felt my toes cramp up in my wedges. It was getting colder.

Somehow the only ones that seemed immune to the shift in temperatures were kids. As I walked on the familiar strip that surrounded Central Park, I could hear their squeals and laughter carrying faintly in the wind. I guessed I could use a walk through the park, seeing as how draining my meeting was with Aubrey.

I pondered it as my foot sank slightly into the grass, walking to find my familiar spot by the pond. Aubrey had spent far too long dating all the wrong people, so it was only natural she should take a break. Was there a thing called being single for too long? Thinking back on my own dating life, I had only ever dated three men seriously. Mark was the worst, and I hadn’t dated since being set free from his torment. I did feel alone, but after all he had put me through, it was the only safe choice.

Mark wasn’t my only abusive ex. The other two guys I’d dated hadn’t been much different, but it was more subtle abuse. Subliminal, emotional, manipulative. Mark was outright violent.

After him, I decided that my luck was just too terrible when it came to love.

Is that why I did this job? Perhaps in a way, I was looking out for women and making sure they didn’t get trapped with the wrong guy. That’s why people hired me, didn’t they? To see if I could make happily ever after possible for them. I’d had a good run so far, with only two marriages ending in divorce, but only because the parties were forced into it.

Living for years on my own had made me so used to being independent, but it was becoming so tiring and draining. I wanted to be taken care of for a change.

Was that too much to ask?

I didn’t realize how lost in thought I was until the laughter grew louder. Children shrieking and yelling, seemingly fighting over crayons and colored pencils as they ran around a wooden picnic table. A woman stood at the end of the table, annoyed and impatient. I could tell she was minutes away from shouting. I watched mindlessly as a child got up with their sheet of paper and ran off to the swings where a man stood and pushed them as they laughed.

Wait a second…

I blinked, wondering if I was seeing things right. Was that really Cristo?

Should I have felt annoyed? I felt annoyed. I wasn’t sure why but…being around Cristo just…

Threatens my bubble?

As much as I hated to admit it to myself, it was true. He didn’t do much, but his simple and harmless existence was pushing at buttons I didn’t know I had, and it made me panic. Seeing him playing with kids, smiling at them, and carrying them around…it was cute. And I hated how attracted to him I felt in that moment.

Turning on my heel, I marched off quickly as I pushed down the vomit-inducing tenderness springing up in my chest. No, I didn’t need this. I didn’t need any of this right now. I couldn’t be around someone like this only to realize they were going to be just as terrible as the rest. As much as I would’ve liked being friends with him, I knew deep down it couldn’t happen.

Feeling the things I felt when I was with him repulsed me. And that was a problem.

“Lilith!”

My face burned hot and I quickened my pace, but I knew it would be no use. He’d already run up and jogged lightly next to me with a stupid grin on his face. “Is it fair to assume you’re the one stalking me today?”

I halted abruptly in my tracks to shoot him a glare. “I wasn’t!”

“You’re pretty far away from your favorite pond.”

“It’s not my favorite.” I rolled my eyes and started walking again.

He followed, jamming his hands into his windbreaker’s pockets. His eyes travelled around the park, peering back over his shoulder as more laughter erupted.

“I guess Trisha can handle them,” he mumbled unsurely.

“What are you even doing out here with kids?” I asked suspiciously. “Are you a part-time nursery teacher?”

“They’re from an orphanage nearby.” He chuckled. “I’m getting ideas from them.”

“How are kids supposed to help?”

“Well, they’re my clients, aren’t they?”

He wasn’t wrong…

“Anyway, I don’t think kids are asked enough about what they want to see when they walk around the city.” He shrugged and fell into step with me despite having longer strides.

“It’s not like that’s necessary. They stay inside and play video games all day.”

“Why do you think they do that?”

I sighed in defeat, seeing his point.

“I mean,” he began, “you do match-making, so don’t you have to consider whether the people you set up are going to be good parents?”

That made me feel a little guilty. I’d only ever thought of kids as something to help carry forward their parents’ work, which was why I was more focused in the best gene make-up rather than how they’d be treated as individuals regardless of it. Admittedly, it was tone-deaf of me to do so, seeing as how I’d grown up with a terrible parent myself.

Years ago, I promised myself I’d never be the kind of parent she was, but I lost the kid before I could even try. Then again, I knew I could never be a mother with the environment and state of mind I was in back then. I would’ve aborted it myself had Mark and his mother not…Jesus.

Speaking of motherhood, I needed to talk to Emily already. I knew it was about the case I filed against the two. Emily, Mark’s mother, was complicit in the abuse. An enabler, and even took part in it verbally, if not physically. She allowed him a space where he was free to do what he wanted and it was horrifying that she, as a woman, participated in it and stood by to watch it all happen to me.

“Hello?” Cristo waved his hand in front of my face and I pushed it away with a finger, shaking my head. He’d interfered too much without meaning to and I hated it.

“I need to go,” I said as gently as possible and picked up my pace, leaving him in the dust.

“You know what?” he yelled. “I wish you wouldn’t leave me hanging all the time!”

I rolled my eyes, not even bothering to respond. Verbally, at least.

Not my problem, Cristo.

Previous Chapter
Next Chapter