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Chapter 6 Burden of guilt

ALICE POV:

I came to sleep early but sleep is no where I found. I avoided him whole day and Lauren understood it well. I feel sorry to ignore him but I am scared what if he asks me about it.

I don't know what if he saw me staring him and asked why?, I thought.

I thought it quiet awkward as I was gawking at him as he seemed like a flesh of mutton. He was looking so tempting especially her lips as we were almost going to kiss.

It so embarassing for me to face him after I thinking about him like this. He was sleeping and it happends in sleep but why the hell I got mind in devouring his lips.

I know he was amused and must be wandering like grandma and Lauren that why I am avoiding him. But honestly I feel ashamed for my thought which is making me guilty seeing him.

Thoughts and curse were on in my mind till then my eyes got heavy and closed. I don't know how long I was doing that but finally I felt asleep.

In morning, I woke up early so that I couldn't face him and left empty stomach. I stopped my car near a cafe for some light breakfast as it was enough time left for office hour.

When I entered office which was still a hour early. I found my office was empty and only some people were inn. They greeted me and I greeted them back.

I went to my cabin and found Ethan's and mine secretary arranging our schedule for today. They were shocked seeing me early morning in office and greeted me with a small smile. I greeted them back and ordered to come in my office back.

"I don't want any overload pressure of work on Ethan especially my work burden on him. If I have work please inform me and I will come after college and do it but please don't put burden on him."

"Yes mam we got it. And will keep in mind."

"Thanks and please send me a latte after some minutes. And Miss Anne let me know my schedule. Till then I will go and check Indian client's dress.

"Okay ma'am I will and just give me 15 mins I will let you know your schedule."

I nodded with a smile and they smiled back leaving my cabin behind me.

I went to see the work and it made angry as the design my client selected it was not like that at all. I highly instructed her everything should be perfect but the functions dress were having an issue.

First they had an engagement ceremony and the dress she wanted was silver and light pink combination. But my idiot employee is using two shade darker than that pink.

"Anne come here right now", I yelled her name.

She came running to me and her breath became heavy as well as face had hell scared reaction. I composed my anger as seeing her it seemed she will lose her life right now.

"Anne wasn't the Indian Royal client wanted light pink and silver combination?", I said trying my best not to yell or scare the hell out of her.

"Yes mam. They asked for light pink and silver combination lehenga with long flare sleeves which seems like dupatta for her. And her would be husband's silver glittery sherwani"

"Then why this dress is in dark shade of pink than the pink asked to be made", I said holding my loud voice with fists to compose anger.

"Sorry ma'am. I don't know why they did this. But I will make sure ma'am it gets corrected."

"Are you okay? Anne", I asked her as she was sweating a lot.

"Ye..sss.. ma..amm", she said as it was not expected and out of blue she answered stammering.

"Get easy Anne. Wanna have coffee with me Anne? You can ask Ethan's secretary to join too", I asked her inorder to make her calm and not myself guilty again.

She was confused hearing me and looked amused but I kept my hand on her shoulder. I asked her again and she nodded in yes still in disbelief what she heard.

Honestly I like Anne she is all like sister so cute and I adore her just like I adore Alex. She was younger from me cute, innocent, chubby cheek girl with golden locks falling on her back. Working with her made me feel good and lucky.

I went with her in my cabin and asked Eera to join us too. Office staffs were still coming as clock didn't struck at 9 and had some minutes left for that.

They came shyly smiling and looking at each other. I gestured them to seat with me on couch, they hesitantly sat with me.

I asked them about theirselves, family, life and manymore random things. After few minutes when they saw me being genuine and real with them they got comfortable with me.

Clock strucked 9 and we became so busy with our girls gossips that we didn't realised everyone was here. Ethan entered his cabin and saw me through glass wall in my cabin with our Eera and Anne gossiping, laughing with them.

He kept on staring actually he was glaring me with scowl on face. I felt a strong gaze on my back which made me turn and see him glaring. I looked in his eyes for some seconds but then turned my eyes to them.

They left when they heard Ethan's footsteps coming towards us. I was getting numb but I tried to be strong and normal but actually I was shivering internally as his gaze was strong enough to make me hell nervous.

"Why the hell are you avoiding me from tomorrow. What have I done to you? We were getting friends right? I shared my problem with you and you even helped me out. But what happened suddenly? Why are you avoiding me Alice?

I am sorry if I hurted you but please don't ignore me. I know our equations of life and thoughts are different but that doesn't means we can't be friends. Or you will ignore me", he said with pain but anger was visible too.

"You have done nothing its just my mood wasn't g..ood. I mean I am sorry I didn't wanted to make you feel hurt. I am Sorry..... Ethan. I was doing.... just ...actually I don't know", I said in my mind looking down.

I have work Ethan talk to you later", I said looking down but not him hiding my embarrassment and guilt. And went to see the work around office.

I knew he was staring me but I couldn't face him it was awkward for me after having tempting feelings to kiss him.I was cursing myself internally in mind. But I can't help it as I am ashamed of myself.

I entered the room where my indian client's dress was being ready. Before I entered Anne already asked her everything. When the designer saw me his eyes paused and throat got thirsty.

"It's not brides dress but bridesmaids dress ma'am. I mean her bestfriend wanted dress like her same but changed the colour of dress and designs. It will be sleevless and a thin georgette coat will be upon it. Ma'am"

"Ohhh!! But why the hell I don't know about. When were you going to let me know."

"I am sorry ma'am she informed it to Ethan sir at Saturday evening and sir asked me to do this. He was just about to leave when he got this call. May be that's why he didn't said you."

"It's okay. You do your work and make it ready by tomorrow as we need to show it. They are coming tomorrow to check the dress is good or not. If they didn't like it they may change it".

When I turned around to go out I bumped into someone and groaned in pain as his jaw hit my head hard. I said "ouch!!" in pain and he hissed in pain too.

I eyes looked upward to see who was it. And his handsome face with blue jewel eyes caught mine grey eyes. So it was known other than Ethan.

His eyes made me paused and frozed in my place when our eyes met. But our stare broke when Anne came rushing to me and him asking if we are fine or not. I nodded my head and left from there without saying anything and Anne followed me.

Ethan was still glaring and I can feel for a min that gaze at my back. We had it a meeting with new client and as Ethan was busy I said I will deal with it to her secretary.

She went to him and informed. Else of him giving answer he looked at me through glass wall. I smiled a bit which made his gaze getting soft and he nodded in yes.

I don't know why I smiled but it made him smiled back and I sighed in relief.

I met with my clients and Anne did all preparations like a pro. I was impressed by her. The meeting well amazing and we got another order but at first they were hesitant to meet us. As we are new in market but seeing our preparation they were impressed.

Anne was so happy and chirped while I was happy too. I treated me and Anne for lunch in one of my dad and uncle's hotel.

It was a delightful lunch with my assistant and she was very nervous first. But she got comforted with me and I was glad. Well Lauren joined me too while Lunch as the lectures being attend alone made her bored.

It was like 3 friends meeting on lunch after ages. The whole room was echoing with our chitchats, laughs and giggles. Thankfully we were having lunch in a private room as they knew I am Alice Smith.

We returned after 3 hours and saw Ethan furious at something. I forgot about my awkwardness and ran toward him asking "What happened?"

He lowered his gaze from the sky looking outside and looked at me. He was looking hurt and in pain which made my heart cringe in pain. He was silent which made me worried a bit.

"Did she again bothered you? I will kill that bitch", he nodded his head saying NO. "Then what happened why are you sad?", I asked through my concern for him.

"It's because dad he thinks I am not working with all my will. And come office to watch people's around me working and this beautiful interior of it. He thinks I am a piece of thrash who has no value.

I can't make him proud any day Alice I can't. He never gets satisfied with my work, dedication, manners, ethics, mark's. He always demotivated, neglected, and made my pride confidence go down in me.

He made me far from him my family from you all. As he is ashamed of me.

I guess he never tries to understand me, talk with me, nor even spare a loveable glance to me.

No matter what I do for him or how he always complaints and broke me into pieces shattering my hopes and me."

His eyes shedded tears on his own and some lone tears rolled down to his cheeks. Seeing him breaking down made my heart stab a little.

"Did he said you something?", he shook his head in yes. The attractive shiny blue eyes which always makes me lose my control had tears today. The devilish face which gloomed with spark and hotness was pale, broken, hurt today.

My eyes fixed with his teary eyes when he said all this. When his eyes started falling tears one by one it made me broken slowly too. I didn't want him to cry near me as I can't bear him seeing in vain.

My hands reached his cheeks and caressingly it wiped his tears. When he tried to control his tears and broke our stare I hugged him hard to take all his pain and sorrows inside me. As it made me hurt more than him to see him breaking down.

He hugged me back and tears rolled his cheeks to my hair. I looked at him and wiped his tears whereas holded him in my arms from one hand. He holded me too with his hands on my waist.

I smiled at him gesturing him to smile back while he did smiled but sadly.

"Did you had lunch?", he shook his head in no.

I dragged him to the couch and called peon to come and serve food for him. I ordered to bring indian cuisine kidney beans and laccha paratha for him. As I knew know being with him from last 10 days that he loves indian cuisine and I like it too.

He was still sad and sat with his pale face while I placed my hand on him after his plate arrived. His eyes fixed on me with sad eyes and I feeded him his food.

He was eating it silently from my hand and after making him eat 3 parathas. I smiled at him and he smiled back not happily but it wasn't even sad smile.

"Didn't you had your breakfast today?", he shook his head in no still staring me. "And may I ask why the hell have you not eat anything since morning?", I asked snatching my hand but he grabbed in again holding tight.

"Coz when I woke up I found out you left early in mmorning empty stomach which made me lose my appetite. I felt it was bcoz of me as you avoided my last day totally", hearing this it clenched my heart in guilt.

"Sorry but it wasn't you. I mean I left early as my eyes opened too early so I thought coming in office and look after some works. And today I felt to have hreakfast out but not in home", I said looking at him not in his eyes as it was totally lie. I was lying to him. Guilt took over me again remembering the truth.

"And what about last day. Why you ignored me like that? Did I made you uncomfortable? I mean while we were sleeping did I touched you and it made you uncomfortable plus angry on me.

Then I am really Sorry please forgive me. I didn't do it intentionally it has became my habit of hugging something under me and sleep.

Especially after I was shifted to boarding school it became my habit inorder to make me feel comfortable. I am really sorry Alice", he stated with tears again and guilt took a part of mine fully.

"I am Sorry Ethan this is not true. I know during sleep it happens and its natural but please stop blaming yourself.

It was not making me uncomfortable but it was awkward for me to wake up with a man being so close.

I am Sorry I behaved like this but it's just because everyday I don't wake up with a man all of a sudden seeing someone close made me go numb. That's it". I stated while I scratch back of neck in guilt it was not a lie but a half truth. He was still looking at me as if he didn't believe it but then he agreed with it and I sighed in relief.

I went to my cabin after taking my hand from him as he has meeting lined up. And needs to see the launch up party sets fire so he arrangs sponsors and everything needed.

I got busy in my designs and instructions when I remembered what uncle did. I texted him that I will be meeting him after office and he said okay.

I made sure my work is done till 6 pm and Ethan leaves after 7pm. So I asked her secretary to make him busy for one more hour and before he leaves office just text me up.

She nodded and I left at 6 after making sure I am done with my work. Tomorrow evening Indian client's were going to come and I needed to check whether the sample of their bug fat indian wedding dresses are done or not. Main was the bride's dresses then bridesmaid and last but not the least her groom and family.

When I reached his home I saw uncle in living room with cigar in his hand. He greeted me with a wide smile and I smiled too but then I direct came to point.

"Uncle you must think that you're son is thrash but believe me he is tge most hardworking person. He is the perfect leader of our team and I am greatful that I have him as my partner. But you know what you should not demotivate him nor shatter him into pieces as he is not worthy of it.

But a little bit care, affection, love, attention, praise he needs from you. He thinks you don't love him and it makes him so sad. Please uncle I know you want to make him strong and you love him too. But please for the sake of mine show him some love so that he gets proud too for having you.

He should not have terror for you but only love with respect it will work much better than this rude arrogant heartless dad personality"

I smiled at uncle and hugged him after I finished. He smiled back and said "He will try his best" uncle's eyes was clear with guilt as he catched his fault.

"It was really not good to know that anyone's father behaves like this too their child. It kills a child from inside and every hopes or confidence for our ownself dies literally in pieces.

The main shock for me was this that uncle who loves me and lauren so much. Always supports and encourage us in our life for our best was partial while opposite with his son.

My mind refused to believe it in forst place but seeing Ethan'seyes made me believe it", I said to myself in mind.

He asked me how I got to know and I again lied saying I heard it from Lauren. And today when I saw Ethan tensed it made me feel bad for him.

"I don't want anyone to be sad near me they should smile isn't it", he smiled and kissed my temple hearing it.

I joked to make his mood light saying,

"I know Uncle I am best and loveable a lot but I don't think you're son is that ugly. You can give him some love from my share I don't mind. But yeah Lauren may mind and I will handle her", he laughed out loud hearing me.

"Ofcourse dear you are the sweetest and adorable girl and you don't worry he will get his share. Your share will be always yours as you are really special. But yeah my son is special to but I need time for getting in good terms still I will try my best."

"Thank you and don't worry I will help you. When Alice is there you don't need to worry", my phone beeped and I saw it was Eera's text saying Ethan is leaving "Uncle now I may take your leave and just call me for any tips. Give everyone my love and the biggest share is for you."

I winked him and he chuckled hugging me last time. I made it fast and reached home soon.

When I enetered home I saw grandma and Lauren was not there. Marry the caretaker came and said they went out for roaming.

As grandma was in home from one week. Last she got out with me for my office's first day party.

I nodded my head and went to my room for changing. I came down asked her for coffee. Made myself comfortable in living rooms couch putting on the TV.

I wondered the whole day I was just in so guilt and now after speaking with him. It made me feel relief from the burden of guilt. It was tough to avoid that blue eyes gaze but ends well than all's well.

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