Chapter 5 Clara is concerned

CLARA'S POV I had wanted to discuss it with my son for a long time. But I don't know how to go about it. I know his personality and what he wants and accepts. But I couldn't keep quiet and watch. I want my son to be happy just like every mother would. It's been years now after the death of Rachel and Jordan isn't thinking about finding himself another woman. I know he loves Rachel and she felt great about him as well. But he can't keep living like this. Five years have passed and Jordan has not stopped thinking about Rachel. I know in his line of duty, getting married might be optional. But I don't want my son remaining a single father forever. He has to get another woman and find happiness again. As I sat before him, I was thinking of the choice of words to convey my message when finally I started like this; " Jordan, there are things in this life we wished never happened. Something we would never have allowed to happen if we have the power to stop it from happening. Things like death. None of us have the power to stop it when it's about to take our loved ones away. If it was a physical battle, we would have fought to the last drop of our blood. If it was financially, we would have stopped it, using our entire wealth and properties. But alas, we could only try, struggle to prevent it, hire the best surgeon and spend whatever needed to be spent, but we cannot give the final verdict. It's been five years and over since Rachel died. We all miss her, Jora, You , myself and everyone she ever came in contact with.." I paused. I sighed audibly and glanced at Jordan, his face was calm but I know his heart is in pain. He still feels her absence despite a few years having passed. But his heart never stopped grieving. Meanwhile I had to continue " We love her very much but we have been separated when her heart stops beating. She became an immortal and we are still on this side of mortality. We need to forget about her and move on with our lives. I mean you have to let go and let in someone else in your heart. You've been grieved, hurt, mourn and sob quietly. But Jordan, you need to keep living if not for your family but for your daughter. You need to embrace life with another woman. You need to give Jora the warmth of a mother, and that is what I might not be able to give her. She needs to be like every proper child who grows under the wings of her parents. The memories that Rachel had left behind will remain evergreen in our hearts.." I coaxed. Only I can be this worried for Jordan. Jackson is not interested in me mentioning the name Jordan in his ears. He wouldn't want to have anything to do with him and already concluded that Martha, Jordan's little sister was going to get every one of his properties because she married a man he recommended for her. Jordan has been disowned already in his heart and what can I do? I've been caught between making a choice between my husband and my Son. The latter deserves to be happy and be allowed to make his decisions in the choice of paths he wants in this life. But Jackson wants to control his life entirely just like he was doing to Martha. Her daughter was just like a zombie, and going every way Jackson ordered her and her husband. They don't have a say or thought of their own. They follow whichever path Jackson decides for them and keeps flowing along with his tides. But Jordan is not like Martha, stupid and brainless like them. That's why Jackson never seemed to be bothered by his son's happiness. "Thank you mum. But I can't say anything to all you just said. Falling in love with another woman is something that is totally off my mind. I don't have interest in getting entangled with anyone else. Rachel died because she was protecting me . I can't get involved with another woman to endanger her life as well. My life is always on the line each time I go on operations. I have enough haters and enemies who seek to hunt me down or attack those close to me. Getting married and having a woman is discovering another loophole in my life where they can easily strike me. I am satisfied with having Jora as my child. I am not seeking to have another child with any woman. I just want to live freely and be flexible. Jora remains in this house until she's of age to mix with other people. I can't take her to live with me, I can't endanger her life as well"Jordan replied. I saw beyond his words, his pain and his determination. I couldn't say anything again. We all know he lost his wife because she was protecting him. They tried to get him through Rachel. But she was strong and determined to see Jordan saved and despite being heavily pregnant then, she remained mute which earned her inhuman treatment. Only when she was dying was she dumped in front of Jordan's house and his servants found their madam and alerted Jordan. "If you don't want to have more kids, I won't pressure you to do so. But I am also concerned about your emotional needs. Don't you have sexual desires?" I asked. He is my son, I shouldn't be mincing words asking him about his sexual orientation. A man has needs. Hasn't he be having sex after Rachel died or does he go to women randomly and do it? " I do mum, a lot. But I got myself busy and I usually suppress it. I hadn't done it with anyone else besides Rachel.." Jordan replied me, and I was dumbfounded. A young man like him stays without a woman for over five years? I looked around the room as if I was just stepping into it for the first time. I don't know what to say and standing up I reminded him that he should try and let go. I said goodnight and left his room.