Ungrateful

“I’m taking you out after school,” Dylan said proudly.

“Oh are you?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said confidently.

“We have homework, Dylan!” I laughed.

I love it when he’s happy. His smile, his proud walk, everything about him made my world brighter. Before Dylan, the only other person I had in my life was Liz. I love her to death and she is enough but there’s something about having someone love me that made everything better. Dylan loved me and cared about me. Love. Dylan. Both were amazing. It wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows but growing up with Greg happy days were hard to come back. When I lost Levi I felt so alone. Knowing that Dylan was my person made everything shitty about my life at home bearable.

My calculus class comes into view and I only have a few more steps to take until I’m there. I don’t see it coming, I don’t see him, I don’t see anything but a blinding white light as it blinds my vision. He moved so fast. One second I’m walking to class and the next I’m flying. My back slams against the hard wall next to my lockers and my head bounces off the wall. I can’t see anything as my body begins to slump to the floor.

He pushed me against the wall.

Strong hands that once held me warmly gripped my shoulders painfully. I cry out as he yanks me up in one fluid movement making my head spin as the fog clears. I sway as I struggle to stay standing. Dylan lifts his arms and places his hands on both sides of my head. He leans into me and as I look into his eyes I don’t see any trace of the Dylan I know, of the Dylan I love.

“I said I’m taking you to dinner, Amia. I want to take you out and I don’t want to hear any complains,” he growled. “That’s the second time today that you’ve talked back to me. Why are you acting up? Am I not good enough for you? Since when have you been so fucking ungrateful? Do you not want to be with me anymore?”

The world comes to a standstill and I feel like I’m standing at the edge of the it as I stare at my boyfriend. I don’t know what to say. My mouth opens but the words don’t come out. My head starts pounding and I flinch as I hold my head.

It hurts.

“Dylan, I-”

“Do you understand?” He snarled.

I haven’t seen him this way in a long time. I don’t understand why he’s being like this and for a second I forget myself. I’m too stunned to form words but the way he’s looking at me scares me. Where is the Dylan I know and love? I nod and do whatever I can to hide the fear in my eyes. I need to do something to break the spell keeping this angry beast in front of me. I lean on the the tips of my toes, carefully lean in, and give him a kiss on the kiss.

“That sounds like a great idea, baby. I’m sorry if I made you… mad… I missed you and I-I could use a break from school and home,” I said. Mentally, I kicked myself for adding home in there but he didn’t seem to notice.

“That’s my girl,” he murmured.

The anger is wiped from his face and a hint of a smile pulls at the corner of his lip. I’m hopeful as he leans down and nuzzles into my neck. I lean into him and ignore the pounding in my ears. I ignored the way I blanched as I was released from his line of sight. My eyes locked on Levi who was still staring at us. I swallowed, hardened my jaw, and lifted my chin as I stared back at him.

“The second bell is about to ring, can I go to class?” I asked.

Dylan gets mad easily and I should have been more careful. He hasn’t gotten like this for a long time. I’m not sure what to make of what just happened. I don’t know why he’s so sensitive but with everything that happened this morning I’m just shaken up.

“Go, I don’t want you to be late either,” Dylan murmured. His lips slide against my skin as he pulls back from me.

“Bye,” I said, faintly. I flashed him a smile before he turned from me. He walks past Levi without a second glance. I watch as he walks out of the hall. It isn’t until the door closes behind him that I turn and head toward mine.

I sit down in my seat just as the bell rings. I drop my bag to the floor and it isn’t until all of my supplies for this class are out that I feel the tremble in my fingers. I slide my hands under the desk and place them on my thighs. Here, they are free to quake. I force my breathing to come out slow and even. When the trembling slows, I place my elbows on my desk, and pretend to read my textbook. My phone lights up, I find a text from Dylan.

Dylan: I’ll meet you in my car after school.

Me: Okay, I’ll put my stuff away and head right out.

Dylan: Don’t be late.

Me: I won’t, babe.

Dylan: Looking forward to it.

Just like that, I’m expected to not react to what happened in the hallway. The logical part of me knows I should talk to him about this. I know he shouldn’t be treating me this way but I can’t. I just can’t get myself to bring it up. I’m afraid of how it will turn out if I do. He texted me as if nothing happened.

No one saw us other than Levi, so it’s like nothing happened. My heart is still beating so fast it feels like it might beat right out of my chest. I shake the my head and decide to focus on school. Unlike how my day started, the rest of the school day goes by uneventfully. Before I know it it’s the end of the day. I’ve spent the day going through the motions on autopilot.