Do You Or Do You Not Want Me, Mate? Chapter 1 Read Online for Free

**A year ago...

All Serena could do was watch from a distance.

The longing, the extreme ache to be with him nearly killed her, like knives that had been stabbed repeatedly over and over again as she watched the only thing that owned her heart.

His tousled raven black hair that felt soft to her fingertips, his piercing sky blue eyes that made her weak in the knees, his muscular frame that she loved to explore with her hands and that smile, that goddamn smile that could get him out of trouble...

He was a work of art, a fine masterpiece.

He was simply beautiful in Serena's eyes.

And he was hers, her mate, Travis.

But why would Serena be sad at the very sight of her mate?

As she watched Travis from her usual table in the school's cafeteria, she could see that he looked happy; he was laughing with his friends - the popular kids all boisterous without a care in the world - but when his lips curled up into that breath-taking smile, she frowned.

That smile wasn't directed at her. In fact, it was directed to the girl who was sitting on his lap who smiled back at him. Serena looked away.

Her little sister, Carmela and Travis' girlfriend.

Carmela was worlds apart from Serena, but in terms of beauty, they were up to par in their own right. Carmela was petite with wavy blond hair that fell below her shoulders in soft waves. She had doe eyed sapphire eyes and her features were angelic, but like any preconceived notions on people who look they couldn't hurt a fly, she was anything but angelic. Everyone had a second skin underneath the surface, and when you ripped it out, a person's true colors shines out.

And that was her bitchiness.

Sure, she was beautiful but her beauty was only skin deep that matched her awful personality - ugly as sin.

Her sensitive hearing caught a sickening giggle she didn't want to hear. Heightened senses had its disadvantages, but she was born with it, nor she didn't have much of a choice. The giggle lasted for a few seconds and she took a glance at the popular table again and saw her sister giving Travis chaste kisses.

'Why am I tormenting myself with this shit?' Serena thought angrily.

The sight of her skank of a sister repulsed her; she wanted to go there and rip her little sister's fucking head off, but she had to restrain herself from going on a killing spree.

She had to calm down, yet it was easier said than done.

Travis wanted to keep their relationship a secret, which she didn't understand. She had asked time and time again why they couldn't declare they were mates, but all he said was that...

He wasn't ready and couldn't break up with his girlfriend.

Lame, right?

But what could she do? He was next in line for the Alpha seat of the Crimson Moon pack and everybody thought that Carmela was his mate - the most popular girl in school.

It was sensible for everyone and for him. He had to keep up with appearances and his parents were freaking stuck-ups.

Serena was, after all, just a regular girl trying to blend in and could never be compared to her sister who'd top everything she does.

But, behind closed doors, Travis was hers and only hers for the taking.

Serena felt like a mistress, but whatever she could scrape off from their relationship, even if it's killing her inside, she would take it.

But for how long?

Serena felt an arm wrap around her shoulders and she glanced up to the side. It was her best friend since she was seven years old, Conrad, looking at her with such concern. His blond hair was mussed up, probably from running his fingers through it numerous times and his dark blue eyes were swirling with worry.

"Is something wrong, Serena?" Conrad asked as he looking at her with concern. "You look like you are about to kill someone."

Oh, how true he was down to a tee, but Serena couldn't let him show that she was on the verge of plowing her way towards the popular table and snatch his man from her sister's grubby paws, so she shook those murderous thoughts away and gave her friend a warm smile.

"I'm fine, nothing's wrong," Serena lied through her teeth and it amazed her how lying came so easy to her these days. "I'm just peachy."

Conrad frowned. "You sure?"

Serena nodded. "Yes, I'm sure."

Conrad didn't buy it. He knew Serena for so long and he knew that she was anything but fine, but he respected her privacy. She'll tell him when she's ready and he will be there for her to listen without prejudice.

Serena felt something prodding in her mind, like an incessant nag trying to break in, and she knew who it was. As much as she liked to hold on to that wall that blocked the mind connection to her mate, she had to pull that shield down or her mind might blow up like a popped balloon if he wouldn't stop jabbing into her mental defenses.

She took a deep breath then exhaled and released the mental hold to let her mate in.

'Yes, Travis?' she asked mentally and just for kicks, she added, 'How may I help you?'

Serena gazed at the popular table and saw Travis frowning at her while Carmela was in his lap, kissing his neck.

'Why is Conrad touching you like that?' Travis growled into her mind.

Travis knew what he was doing was unfair. Here he was, playing happy couple with Carmela who was not his mate while the love of his life was a couple tables down from him, witnessing their lovey-dovey act.

He was a heartless bastard, yet he pictured himself as a spineless eel.

Serena flinched from his anger that seeped into their connection, but she wasn't having it. Not anymore.

'Well hello to you too, Travis,' she said sarcastically.

'Shrug off Conrad's arm off of you, right now,' he demanded hotly.

'Oh please, Travis,' she sneered. 'It's okay for you to be with my sister who is not your mate while I can't talk or even hang out with my guy friends?' she was seething at this point, trying to reign in her wolf from bursting out. 'Conrad's my best friend whether you like it or not, so just suck it up like I do with Carmela.'

Guilt bubbled inside Travis. God, he wanted so bad to claim Serena when he found out they were mates a day after his seventeenth birthday. She was perfect for him, beautiful on the inside and out. He had no doubt that she would be a great Alpha Female, but knowing his father, he wanted someone with character, and his father meant Carmela. Sure she was beautiful, but she was ugly as a troll on the inside.

But, it was his father's strong intentions and he had no choice but to follow.

As he held onto Serena's gaze, he marveled at the sight of his sexy ass mate. She had an exotic beauty going on: tan skin, almond shaped brown eyes, and a heart shape face. Her hair was a straight chocolate brown with stray tendrils that framed her face when she tucked her hair behind her ear. But what attracted Travis to her appearance was her lips, those luscious lips that he never got tired of kissing whenever they were together.

He loved her so damn much...

'That's not fair, Serena. You're my mate and it's natural for me to be jealous,' he said. 'Besides, Carmela is my girlfriend and --'

'I'm your mate, Travis!' Serena counteracted, cutting him off. 'Why is it so hard for you to understand that?' she was breathing raggedly, too pissed off to care. 'For months, I endured everything, seeing your fucking mouth attached to hers and do you see me being jealous?'

He didn't answer. He remained silent because he knew that Serena was right. As much as he would like to break it off with Carmela, he couldn't. He just couldn't do it.

'Answer me, damn it!' she roared and boy, was she mad...

'No,' he softly said.

They lapsed into silence - a very tense one. Travis didn't know what to say for he was stuck between a rock and a hard place as he rode through the silence. He wanted to say something, anything just to appease her, but for some reason, he couldn't find the right words to say. He realized that he had dug his own grave.

'You know what? Whatever,' she finally said, feeling defeated.

'Serena...' he said.

She stood up from the table which had Conrad jostle beside her. "You okay, Serena?" Conrad asked.

She ignored him as she went around the chair and made her way out of the cafeteria. Her wolf was clawing out, trying to break free as her heart churned from the pain she was feeling. Her strides were long and fast; she wanted to get the hell out of there and run.

'Serena, where are you going?' Travis asked in her mind.

She didn't bother to answer as she put the shield up, hindering him from speaking again. She felt that familiar prod, that incessant jab as her mate tried to get in again, but she held on to it. She was not in the mood for bullshit right now.

With a few long strides, she was finally out of the building, feeling the cold, crisp wind slapping into her skin. At this point, her wolf was trashing inside as she longed for a run, so without hesitation, she headed towards the woods on a fast sprint.

Each pound of her feet was powerful as she sprinted off like a bullet. The surroundings around her were nothing but blurry figures like an out-of-focus camera. The feeling of exhilaration crossed her face as the wind lapped at her cheeks and she loved it, for running was part of the joys of being a wolf. As she sprinted harder, she was now at the entryway of the woods and felt her body starting to shift with each earth-shattering stomp until there, a resounding crack echoed and another crack after crack resonated as Serena's body started to morph into her majestic white-furred, four-legged beast.

With a final push, she jumped on mid air as she took on the final transformation, ripping her clothes along with it, and landed on the ground with her four huge paws with a crouch.

Gone was the pain she had felt.

Gone was the heartache that her mate inflicted.

Gone were the thoughts of him and with that wretched whore.

Her wolf had taken over and she only had one thing on her mind:

Run.

Serena lay on her back on the forest floor, resting on their clearing - her and Travis secret spot - as she stared at the sky up ahead which was grey and cloudy, an indication that it was about to rain. The clothes she wore that she got from her secret stash in the woods felt flimsy, she didn't mind the coarse feeling she got when the fabric touched the grass. She loved the outdoors and the freedom that came along with it.

Despite the run she took a few hours ago, she still felt the ache in her heart. All she ever wanted was for Travis to proclaim to the whole world that she was his mate. She wanted to be known as his and his alone but...

Was that too much to ask?

Was it too much of a request that he had to deny it over and over again?

I guess it did, but enough was enough. She needed an answer, a finality, and she would be damned if Travis would prolong this fucked up agony.

One way or another, it's either Travis let her be a part of his life or not.

With this, Serena took the initiative in seeking out his mate as she pulled down the shield that separated their mate connection. As the mental wall went down, she was immediately attacked with an onslaught of questions from his worried mate. She couldn't keep up with the rapid questions being thrown at her, and then she snapped him out of his ramble. The boy didn't know when to shut up.

'Travis, one at the time,' she chastised him. 'I can't keep up if you keep going at it like that.'

'Where were you?' he asked with concern seeping into the link. 'I was so worried.'

She sighed. 'I just needed a run,' she said simply.

'Thank god,' he said with such relief. 'I thought something happened to you.'

'Well, nothing happened, so you can stop worrying now,' she said.

They went silent after that. Serena had made up her mind that she was going to let Travis choose. Her or Carmela. God knows what would've happened if by chance he'd chosen her slut of a sister over her. If it would come to that, she didn't know what to do.

'Uh, Travis,' she started and felt rather nervous, 'I'm at our spot. Can you come over? I need to talk to you.'

'Sure,' he responded quickly. 'I was heading there anyway. Be there in 5.' With that, he ended the mind link.

Patiently, she waited for Travis to come. She was preparing herself mentally and emotionally for his decision, and hopefully it would not come to rejecting her.

In werewolf society, being denied by your mate was not entirely frowned upon, but discouraged all the same. There were countless stories of denied mates and it wasn't a fairytale. She didn't like what she heard, but the good thing was that they always find their way back to the one they were destined to be with.

True, but she didn't want to experience that excruciating agony of not being with your mate for a long time. She already had enough of her own and adding rejection in the picture was just taking the piss.

It didn't take long for Travis to get to their spot. When he arrived at the clearing, he went directly to her lying figure and towered over her with a smile on his face.

"Hey, sweetheart," he said lovingly as he gazed into her eyes.

Serena smiled and stood on her feet then faced him. She was unsure, not knowing how to start the conversation, but she need to push that awkwardness at the back of her head and let determination push forward.

It was time to get some fucking answers, right here and right now.

"Travis," she started, "we need to talk about us."

Travis frowned, not really sure if he was comfortable talking about their relationship. Serena already pestered him for so long and now she wanted to try her luck again. Unfortunately, the answer would always be the same and he hated himself for it.

"What about us?" he asked hesitantly.

She took a deep breath and uttered out the words which would make or break everything.

"Claim me."

Travis was lost for words. He didn't expect Serena would ask him that. He was put on the tight spot because he couldn't do what she was asking of him. His father would kill him if he'd claim Serena.

"I-I-I..." he stammered, trying to put this as though he wasn't denying her.

"Travis, I've had enough," she said as she stood her ground. "I am sick and tired of seeing you getting cozy with my sister when you should be with me, your mate."

Travis couldn't wrap around what she had just said. He was praying that it didn't come down to this, but he didn't anticipate that it would come this sooner, but eventually, there was so much a person could take. He could see it in Serena's eyes that she was fed up. But he couldn't afford to defy his father, much less let go of Carmela. His father had high hopes that he would be mated to Carmela on his eighteenth birthday where he will take over the pack.

And then, there was Serena, his mate.

He held on to Carmela just to appease his father and the people who surrounded him and at the same time, he held on to Serena for his happiness.

But the question was, where's the democracy in that?

None - for Serena, anyway.

"I... I..."

Serena couldn't take it anymore. She wanted fucking answers and she wanted them now.

"Damn it, Travis! Do you or do you not want me?!" she screamed with all her might, making Travis flinch from the force of the emotion she put into it. "You have to choose: me or my sister." She was breathing hard, trying to control the tears that were threatening to fall. She was stuck in between anger and pain and she just wanted to get over this prolonging agony that Travis had put her through.

Travis shook his head. "That's not fair, Serena. You can't make me choose," he said, frustrated. "Carmela is my girlfriend even before I knew we were mates. I can't do that to her."

All of a sudden, she screamed out of desperation. Why couldn't he see that this was killing her inside and out? She was now tired with all the hiding, the lying and sneaking around and damn it! She wanted to have a normal, loving relationship with her mate. Was that too much to ask for?

As she finally contained herself, she asked Travis again, and she gave him a look that said 'no more shitting around'.

"I ask you again, me or my sister. Choose."

Travis gazed into Serena's determined brown eyes. He wanted to choose her so badly, but knowing the predicament he was in, he just couldn't. Period.

He was ashamed that he was not strong enough to take everything like a man that he was meant to be. He failed himself, and most of all, he failed his mate.

With that, he gave his answer through body language. Head bent low and a shake of his head.

He wasn't choosing her. He chose Carmela.

Serena couldn't believe it - what she had feared had come true. Her mate, Travis, chose her bitch ass of a sister over her. She felt that she wasn't good enough for him and with that, she erupted into an hysterical sob.

Travis looked up and reached out to Serena, but his hand was slapped away which had him wince. And then, she clawed at her skin as though she was trying to get rid of the dirt. She rubbed and scraped all traces in her body that Travis had touched and she felt disgusted.

She sobbed as she rubbed her arms, her legs, her stomach, she rubbed everywhere roughly trying to get rid of Travis' essence on her. She wanted it off right now.

Travis grabbed a hold of her shoulders to make her stop. "Serena, what are you doing?" he asked, trying to make her stop what she was doing. "You're going to get hurt if you don't stop doing that."

She shoved him away from her as anger seeped into her veins. The burning rage was incomparable to the pain that was in her heart and right now, she couldn't care less.

"Don't you ever touch me again!" she screamed with so much hatred. "You disgust me!"

And for the finale, she said, "I hate you!"

Travis felt like he was punched in the gut hard that knocked the wind out of him. He could take all the insults and the blame, but hearing his mate saying she hated him was unbearable. If only he was strong enough to defy all odds, but instead, he ended up being a dickhead.

"You don't mean that, Serena," he choked. "I love you." And he took a few steps to take her in his arms.

Serena didn't want to be near him. She was repulsed by his very presence and with that, she spun on her heel and ran away from everything and away from him.

As she sprinted harder, she heard her name being called out desperately, but she didn't stop.

She felt something wet drop on her skin, and another, and another. She looked up at the sky and saw that it had started to rain.

Serena snorted.

How cliche.

It just had to rain at the time of her heartbreak.