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Eight

HOLDING to her chest the lapels of the robe, Arianna walked along the side of the road, resolutely ignoring any sound that could scare her.

Earlier, she came from the other direction, more scared of what she was going to find when she got there than of anything else that could scare anyone on a deserted, dark road. But that's over, it was all over.

They could start again.

Suddenly, she saw movement ahead of her.

Arianna froze, her hair rising in a panic attack. But the squeal she was about to let go was abruptly caught back when she recognized who was standing in her path.

"Tommy?!"

"Ate ...?"

It was really him. Tommy, her brother.

"Tommy ..."

She walked faster towards him. He looked frozen as he stood there. He was tall for his age, but he somehow appeared small then.

He somehow looked like a young kid again, that same little kid she held to her side on the day of their father's funeral while their mother cried in the arms of their neighbors because she tended to faint, and the adults were ready to catch her.

They faced each other. He was looking at the man's robe that covered her. He stepped closer.

"Tommy ...?"

His eyes rose to her face. They were now filling fast with tears. "Is it true...?"

It was, but the question only heightened the terrible guilt and pity she could see on his face. "Tommy..."

"Nooooo!" he cried in a small voice.

And she caught her sobbing young brother before he fell to the ground.

"HOW did you know where to find me?" Arianna asked her brother weakly.

They had gone home and the gas stove in the middle of the dirty kitchen at the back of the old wooden hut was burning when she came out again after cleaning and getting dressed.

They had another stove they could use coal on, and they only used the gas stove for emergencies. This was where they stayed during the cold season, and where they celebrated Christmas.

Sometimes they would even sleep here on old metal folding beds.

She had meant to cover the dirt floor with smooth cement when she could save for it, so they could cover it with linoleum which would be less cold at night. This way, they could sleep there with thicker blankets on the floor when their mother needed the heat.

She never recovered her health. She was always thin. And she knew it was because they could barely catch up with her medicine.

Tommy was there, drinking coffee and waiting for her.

She guessed that tonight could be considered an emergency.

He wouldn't just drink coffee unless he was about to go out to work early in the morning. If there was work he could find.

She sighed.

The rims of his eyes were still red from his crying earlier.

"Did you check on Mama?" he asked in his small voice.

There was no bluster on it tonight. He still looked and felt like a little kid. Like earlier.

She nodded. "I readied her medicine before I left to look for you. She had her melatonin on it. I wanted to make sure she would be asleep early if we got back late, and I didn't want her awake and worrying about us," she told him.

Their mother was in a deep slumber when she peaked at the tiny room she shared with her.

The only other room was the one they let Tommy use so he could have his privacy as the only male in the house.

It was full of his drawings.

"I came from Madame Venus's place. The men who were holding me released me and I went to talk to her about how I was ... how I was going to pay for what I took. I was ready to do anything. But she laughed at me and said I was too young to do anything significant for her to earn the money right away. And then she told me I shouldn't worry because you already paid."

She sighed deeply. "Tommy, I—"

"I lost my mind because I only knew of one way she would make you pay if you didn't have the money." His tears started falling again. "She told me to find you when I started breaking things and shouting about how she had exploited you and... she didn't want customers or anyone there to find out, you see. So I ran to get you... to try to catch you if... she said I could never... that you'd left early on and it was going to be too late...and she was right. She was right."

He dropped his head to his hands that were clasped on the surface of the table.

"Did anyone hear you? Does anyone else know?" she asked.

He raised his head and shook it. "No. No one could see me. I didn't think anyone knew me from whoever was there at the bar tonight. Don't worry, I didn't even mention your name. I just made enough noise so she would get rid of me."

She closed her eyes, breathing easily. "Good, then." But when she opened her eyes, he was looking at her and he was shaking.

"Ate... forgive me!"

"I’ve forgiven you!" she insisted.

She'd said it several times while they walked home. He couldn't seem to accept it.

"You did it for Mama. It was wrong, so you should never do it again. She would not forgive herself if any one of us got in trouble just so we could buy her medicine. That's going to kill her!"

He was nodding his head. "I will never do it again!"

"Don't ever lie to me again about getting it from any odd jobs or from your drawing." Her teeth caught at her trembling lower lip. She was trying hard not to cry, too. "I know you can sell your drawings, but I should have suspected because it was big money. I should have..."

She caught herself. That was the wrong approach.

"You're not a bad person, Tommy. You were trying to help. Just the wrong way."

Now he was shaking his head from side to side. "But this happened to you because of what I did!"

She forced a smile. "What happened to me? Nothing. Nothing happened to me."

He caught something in her tone and he stared at her.

"You will not go to jail or slave yourself to anyone. Whatever you took was already paid. Mama has medicine for three months because of it. Those are what's important right now. And maybe you won't do it again—"

"I will never!"

"So we will stop here, and you will help me forget about all that we shouldn't remember. Do you understand, Tommy? From now on, you will help me work and earn money here from inside the hacienda. You will not go out and find work in town. You will never get near the bars again. Do you hear me?"

"Ate..."

"We will bury everything. No one needs to know. We are safe ... and we will forget what happened tonight."

It took a moment. They were both silent, but her and Tommy's eyes spoke a thousand words and understood the reality of their lives.

Then, he nodded.

She sighed. "Sleep. It will be morning soon and we need to sell vegetables early."

He stood up. "Yes, ate," he whispered.

She hugged him tight when he passed by her side, and for once she'd let her.

There were no complaints about him being bigger, taller, and older than three years old tonight.

Then she let him go so he could go to his room up the three steps of the wooden stairs.

She was left there.

She stared at the tongue of light produced by the gas lamp for a long time. Bathing didn't clean her of the memory of him, nor take away the pain, so what she instructed Tommy to do wasn't easy for her to obey.

Not at all.

And she didn't even know how long it would take for her to forget.

But Tommy didn't need to know that.

When her eyes started to get hot, she blew out the light from the lamp.

And in the darkness, she finally was able to silently and properly weep over what she had lost.

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