Chapter 9

The strange Lady took me home that night. As we stopped in front of my gate, I was reluctant to get down.

She was talking to me after handling me a card.

'…This is my business card, just in case you need someone to talk to. My name is Lydia. I live with my family…my husband and two sons close to the restaurant where I work. Listen to me, this is not the end of life….i understand how painful and thorn you are right now but give yourself time, you will be fine. You are beautiful and will get over all this. Is his loss not yours, don't blame yourself for any of this. He was blind not to see the good woman in you. I can lead you inside if you want…

I told her I was alright, I got down and walk into my gate. The heel shoe I wore was beginning to annoy me just like everything was annoying me.

I removed the shoe, carried it in my hands and walked barefooted.

It was after the security man opened the gate and I entered I heard Lydia driving away.

The security man was saying something, probably asking me if I was alright and why I returned so late.

I did not even bother to listen to him, I just walked into the house.

My Dad was still awake, watching a football match in the sitting room as I entered.

He turned to me angrily, asking me where I was coming from by such a time. I was not in the mood for anybody, i tried to keep my head sane and right. Everything has become useless and meaningless including life itself.

No matter the amount of motivation I hear I will still not be alright. My heart was aching, my eyes swollen and I felt unworthy to even live.

I just thought maybe even God is against me. my parents were against me, my boyfriend of three years was against me, he finally ended the relationship i put my all into, I was also against myself. Nothing was worth it anymore and nothing will ever be the same again.

I wanted to come home and surprise my parents with an engagement ring, I did not want them to be disappointed again like the first time.

But instead I came home surprised at myself, the whole event turned upside down not as I have expected.

I was tired, sad, lonely and felt not good enough.

'Rebecca, I'm asking you a question, where are you coming from by this time of the night. Did you check the time, do you know how late it is? I and your Mom kept calling you but you never picked our calls. Where did you think you are going to when I'm still talking?

My Dad howled down at me with words, which shows he was angry. I stopped walking but did not turn back to look at him. I just stood there with my back to him.

Let him just finish with his rant so that I will quietly go to my room.

'…Rebecca you can't go out and come in any time you like. This is still my house. If you want to do as you wish then go and get married and do anything that pleases you in your husband's house but I will not tolerate such behavior in my house. Since you saw that it was late why didn't you sleep over because I know there is no other place you will be except in Richard's house. You should have slept over at his place instead of risking your life to come home and I don't care if he drove all the way down to drop you…I hate grown up…adults taking unnecessary risk. I still don't understand what you and that Richard is doing. You think you are still a kid, I have told you that if you are not careful your sister Melinda will bring a serious man to this house and you will still go and catch flower at her wedding because that is all you know how to do….

He was still talking when my Mom came out of the their room, robbing her eyes which shows that she was sleeping. She asked my Dad why he was shouting.

'Didn't you see your daughter? She is just coming back from wherever she went to….look at the time. I was talking to her and she was walking away. Look…look at her giving me her back. She has started growing wings, I was talking to her before and she was walking out of me. You have to talk sense into her because I will destroy those wings of hers if she dares try to use it in my house. I have told her to go and marry so that she can do anything she wish in her husband's house. This is my house and I won't tolerate nonsense. She will soon be thirty years and still single, deceiving herself all in the name of relationship. Maybe I should prepare a certificate down for her just in case Richard decide not to marry her again after three, four or even five years of dating and uselessing her life…. I will hand her the certificate of being a fool and wasting her years with an unserious man. If a man is serious to marry a woman he will start taking some certain steps. It will be a great shame if that boy end up leaving her. I don't pray for such to happen but I wish Rebecca will stop being stupid and think about her time running out with speed. She keep attending her friend's wedding when exactly will they attend her own? Rebecca continue to deceive yourself…I hope you know what you are doing…

I turned and looked at them, tears was running down my face again. My Mom asked me if I was alright, my Dad felt like he was too harsh and reduced his tone but he did not stop talking.

I interrupted him angrily and said amidst tears that made him to be quiet.

'Dad, go and get the certificate ready because Richard just called it quit. He said I'm not good enough and he want to be with a better person. Yes, I still hope all this is all a dream but as I wait for reality to hit me, start preparing the certificate of my failure for me. You have painted me enough with your mouth and actions, all I hear every day in this house is 'marriage…marriage…marriage" I'm so tired of you and Mom singing it to my ears. I hate to come back to this house because of the continues reminder but because I have no choice I still have to come home. I have tried my best to ignore, pretend, overlook and cheer myself up. I become so desperate to settle down and move out of this house, I centered my world on a man who broke me into pieces. I guess you are happy. Dad you should rejoice because you have won…maybe we should celebrate that I'm truly a failure. I will never be good enough for anyone, never good for my parents or Richard. If I wake up tomorrow morning and all this is real…that everything that just happened today is true, then I will know the next step to take but for now please, let me be. If I don't make you proud at least you have Joe, my elder brother who is married and you also have Melinda. They will make you proud. Well… I can't be a failure…not totally. I have a good heart, I give it all out. I have prayed and hope to really make you both proud and put a real smile on your faces but is never as I hoped. My world came crashing, I'm upside down with no one to look up to for comfort but Richard can't leave me for real right? All this still can't be real…

I speak every word with tears and demonstrated like a crazy woman. I was sick and tired of my parents taunting my every breath.

After talking I turned and went to my room and locked the door leaving them in the sitting room.

I woke up very late the following morning with sun light hitting my face and a knock on my door. It was my Mom's voice calling me.

I checked my phone to see if Richard called, if there was a good morning message from him but I saw none. I saw the shoe I wore last night, I was still in the same gown, I did not bother changing to any night wear last night. I slept off after a long midnight cry, socking my pillow with tears.

Tears filled my eyes again as reality began to hit me. Is indeed true that Richard broke up with me.

I picked up my phone to call him, maybe he was not with his senses yesterday when he said those things.

He probably did not mean any of those things he said.

I called him and he did not pick up. He was probably not with his phone.

I called three more times but yet he did not pick. I decided to wait for some time.

My phone started ringing and I quickly checked, thinking is Richard but it was an office call.