Her thoughts on him

Julia

In death, it seems Nick Greyfoot is accomplishing what he had not been able to in life: He is causing me to lose Noah. Since his return, Noah seems to welcome any excuse not to be in my company. I despise that I am experiencing petty jealousy toward a dead man because all of my husband’s focus is on him, that I have begun to

doubt myself and question my husband’s love for me.

I rather wish now that I hadn’t encouraged him to go, to take one last trip with Nick, but I knew how much he had enjoyed traveling before I came into his life. Bless him, he had always sensed how much I worried that something awful might happen while he was away, so he had stopped his exploits, which had created a fissure between the brothers. I had thought the trip would do us all a world of good, might make Nick more accepting of me.

It was no secret among the packs that we didn’t quite approve of each other. It saddens me that we had not been on good terms when he parted this earth.

Suddenly I become aware of a hand closing around on my lap and squeezing.

“Where have your thoughts gone?” Minerva asks.

Tea has been prepared and brought to us, but it has grown cold with neither of us touching it. “My apologies. I’m being an awful hostess.”

“Bullocks. Under the circumstances, you shouldn’t feel as though you need to be a hostess at all. You looked so sad just then. I think it’s more than the funeral or Nick’s death that’s troubling you. I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”

It seems at once a betrayal and a weakness to voice my doubts, but perhaps another’s perspective can shed some light. “Noah’s not been quite himself since he returned."

“No doubt grief is taking its toll,” Minerva assures me.

“That’s what I’ve been telling myself. But he’s been so distant, offering and accepting no affection whatsoever. And that is so unlike him. Although I’m a beastly woman for finding fault with his lack of attention during a time such as this.” But how can we console each other when he takes all his meals in his room, and has yet to visit my bed?

“You’re not at all beastly, but I do doubt he’s in an amorous mood, considering the circumstances.”

“I don’t expect him to make love to me. I know I’m hardly attractive in this condition, heavy with a child as I am, and as you say, he is distracted, but a gentle kiss would be welcomed," Even a smile, a soft touch, a reassurance that he still cares for me. After months of being separated, when he had finally arrived home he just stood there staring at me as though he hardly recognized me. I was the one who had wrapped my arms around him, the one who had squeezed. His only words had been. ‘I’m sorry.’

Then he had marched into the residence as though that was enough.

“Have patience," Minerva suggested. “The brothers were extremely close.”

“I know they were. But we were separated for four months. It was supposed to be only three; however Nick’s death delayed Noah’s return. Not that I had realized Nick was dead. The telegram Noah sent merely read, ‘Delayed. Return as soon as possible’. It wasn’t until he arrived in a wagon bearing a wooden box that I learned the truth. That in itself is odd … not sharing his burdens."

“He probably didn’t want to worry you, not in your delicate condition,” She suggests.

“Yet I want to be there for him. We’ve always had the sort of marriage where our joys were doubled and our burdens halved. But that’s merely a small indication of how he changed while he is away. During this week, I’ve had moments where I felt as though I don’t even know him at all any longer. Which is ludicrous. He’s my Noah, my mate.”

“Which, my dear, is what you must focus on. He no doubt feels as though he lost half himself in those jungles. The twins, I know, seemed to have a special bond, an attachment far more intimate and stronger than that found between other siblings.”

“I know you’re right. I just feel as though he’s keeping me at a distance,” I sigh.

“Men are odd that way, striving to never show any weakness. I suspect he fears needing you and so he pretends he doesn’t. The very last thing he needs is for you to be pushy. It’ll just make him dig in his heels. Men are stubborn

that way. Patience is all you require. He’ll come ’round.”

I hope so, as I truly don’t like this … oddness in our relationship. It makes me feel out of sorts.

“How are you feeling with the baby?” She asks.

Welcoming the change in topic, I can’t stop myself from smiling as I fold my hands on my belly. “Wonderful. Happy about my condition in spite of the sadness over Nick’s passing. I do believe this one is going to stay around to play in the nursery.” I glance at the clock on the mantel, “I think we’ve given the gentlemen enough time with their scotch. Shall we join them?”

As I and Minerva stroll into the library, the men stand, the somberness about them as they sit, remaining with them, maybe even closing more tightly around them.

“Our apologies for being gone so long,” Noah says. “We got caught up in reminiscing. Time got away from us.”

“We thought as much,” I say. “Dinner will be served shortly. Perhaps we might all like to take a moment to freshen up before.”

“Splendid notion,” He says, then he tosses back the amber liquid that remains in his glass. With a grimace, he clenches his jaw, giving his head a barely perceptible shake. It occurs to me that Noah never seemed to relish spirits with the enthusiasm of his brother.

Setting his glass aside, he joins me, offering his arm, and I inhale his familiar tangy bergamot scent. That is another thing I have noticed, his scent is the same, and then not, it’s deeper and a bit more earthy. We leave the room in silence, with the others following behind just as solemnly.