Chapter 13

Back at my desk after lunch, the switchboard is flashing like mad, and I see that Margo’s and Jake’s lines are busy. Nina also has a few calls on hold, so I buzz her to tell her to put one through to me too. I sit down to deal with the first call and catch sight of Margo waving through to me, smiling widely. She points at her head, then mine, indicating my hair, and gives me a thumbs up which makes me grimace. I don’t think I’ve worn it any other way than up during my five years working here. I feel like I’m not dressed properly, and it bothers me far more than it should. I focus on the call.

Half an hour later, I’m lost in thought, absorbed in a financial spreadsheet Jake needs by this evening. I’ve already plowed through a mountain of work today making light work of it and not conscious of eyes on me until I hear the movement of feet shifting on wooden floor. Looking up absent-mindedly, more from reaction than any actual realization, I see Jake Carrero is standing staring at me. Six feet from my desk! I jump with fright and my face flushes with heat and fright.

Crap.

“Sorry Mr. Ca … Jake; I didn’t see you there. Is there something I can do for you?” My voice is all over the place in my floundering panic, heart thundering through my chest at a rate of knots as I dissolve into bumbling incompetence.

How did I not realize that my boss is hovering by my desk?

I’m supposed to be constantly aware and attentive to his every demand; this is such a faux pas on my part. I’m on my feet trying to plaster on my most friendly and efficient smile. I’m breathless. It’s the fright he gave me; I’m flustered and trying to recover quickly, body trembling with the shock I gave myself noticing his presence.

“Emma …” He too seems at a loss for words, looking at me peculiarly with an uneasiness to his expression.

“I was coming to give you these. You look different!” His face is unreadable; I can’t even say what it is. I remember my hair is down, and I flush because I’m not prepared. Feeling overwhelmingly vulnerable, I falter.

“It won’t happen again. I took a shower at lunch because of the heat from earlier.” I need to reel myself in and claw back cool and controlled Emma. I’m babbling. I try a steadying breath to stop myself looking like a complete idiot.

“You look …” His green eyes are piercing through me and it’s sheer agony. All my little insecurities are peaking up in one fell swoop.

“Untidy? It’s not how I would normally come to work.” I’m rambling and fidgeting like crazy, unable to just regain control.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

This is not me!

Don’t fall to pieces, Emma, not now, please. Get a grip and pull yourself together.

I know it’s because he startled me, because I feel undressed, and because I’m at a loss being out of my comfort zone. And he’s acting … strange. My breathing is labored and I’m trying to steady it without making it too obvious, but I’m doing a terrible job.

“I was going to say …” He clears his throat, trailing off, and looks down at the papers to change his direction of conversation, probably because I’m making him uneasy.