Chapter 5

SCHOOL

He made sure his guards took round in raping them, after they were done, he would use his special belt to flog them. Nobody tried to kill him again after they witnessed what he did. So for him to be poisoned and killed just didn't sit well with me." Whenever I brought it up with Lia, she got angry and said I was just frightened that he was dead. She would say, "my friends have checked everywhere and have done some DNA test on him, babe, he's dead, you don't need to worry." I guess she's right; I am paranoid, I haven't been thinking straight, I should focus on our relationship and my kids. Ever since we moved here, Lia has been so gentle with my kids and me; she made sure we were well fed, made us take medications, took us in for therapy even though she was really busy.

She made time for us; this was why I love her. Over the past year, Lia and I never initiated anything sexual. I was getting confused. Doesn't she like me anymore? Is it because of the scars on my body? I kept questioning myself, I need to talk to her.

My kids have been better. Madison is more active than Addison. Although Thea has always been a quiet girl, she talked less. People always think she could not talk at all, but my baby girl is just a shy type.

Madison and Lia got along, they tried to get Addison to be involved in everything they did, but she always refused. I was getting worried for her. I didn't like how quiet she was becoming, at least we talked more when we were in Mr. Rogers's home, but now she's shutting me out, and it's so frustrating, but I have to be patient with her, that was what our therapist suggested. I don't know if she's opening up to the lady; I don't think so. The lady just tells us we should be patient and that one day, she would tell us what was bothering her.

My girls are starting school today. I was so excited and nervous for them. It's their first time going to school, although Mr. Rogers made sure to bring teachers to teach them at the compound. I guess that's the only thing he did right for my children.

Girls get down here; it's time for breakfast, Lia yelled for them. They came running down. "Good morning, Mama," Maddy said, kissing my cheek. Addy just nodded at me, seriously! Am your mother, that's all I get? I said in my mind.

"Alright, I'll be dropping you guys off today, but from tomorrow, Mr. D will be taking you to school. Is that alright with you guys?"

"Yes," Maddy said. We all looked at Thea; she looked down, feeling shy.

"Come on, tell me." Lia went closer to her.

"Can't I ride my skateboard to school? I don't want to go with Mr. D,"

"Alright, whatever you want," Lia said, kissing her on her head. See! She likes when she does that to her, but when I try to make contact with her, she refuses to let me touch her, even to hold her hand. What did I do wrong? I asked myself, holding my unshed tears. I didn't want my kids to see me like this. Today was supposed to be a happy day for them, so no crying, I said to myself.

"Alright, kids, let's get going, bye Amour," Lia said, pecking my lip. "Good, bye kids, good luck on your first day," I said, waving my hand at them. They waved back at me.

Addison

I was so nervous, I have never gone beyond the compound, and now I am supposed to go to school and surround myself with many people. It was what my therapist suggested. She thinks if I am around a lot of people, I would feel better. She just didn't understand; I hate being around people. Why would she force me to be around them? I looked at my sister; I knew she was more nervous than I was. Maybe it was because she would do all the talking. I held her hand.

"It's going to be alright, Maddy."

"How do you know that?"

"Well, because you'll be doing all the talking," I said, smirking at her.

"Oh, come on!" She glared at me.

"Why must I do the talking?"

"You're my sister. I need you to back me up, you know." I looked down.

"It's alright, Addy. I'll do all the talking. After all, I am the eldest."

"Alright, kids, we're here, don't be nervous; it's just school," Lia said. "But it's the first day, and you know how much I hate Mondays," Maddy said.

"Come out, kids, you'll be fine. After all, I know most of the teachers here, even the principal, so nobody will mess with you," she assured us. She turned to us and kissed us on our forehead. I love you."

"Love you, too," we said.

It keeps bothering me how Addy was okay with physical touch when it comes to Lia and me, but with Mom, she gets scared sometimes she would allow Mom to touch her but just not most of the time, and I know Mom is not happy about it. Maddy thought.

We went in and got our stuff. Thank God we have these classes together. I didn't want to be separated from my sister. We're late, damn it! I hate it when we have to introduce ourselves. Lia told us that we would have to introduce ourselves to our classmates and teachers since we were new. I knocked on the door, a female teacher opened it; thank goodness it was a female teacher.

"Hi, sorry for coming late, we could not find this class."

"No problem, come in," she said, opening the door wide for us. "Alright, girls, introduce yourself."

"My name is Madison, and this is my sister Addison," I said, glaring at her when I knew she wouldn't talk. She just nodded at them. Everyone was staring at us like they hadn't seen a girl before. I was starting to get nervous with the way they were looking at us. Did I say something bad? Is my dress not okay? Was my hair not in the place I wondered? The teacher touched my shoulder.

"Don't mind them. You girls are the first identical twins they would ever meet... I am just joking, but can't you see how they are staring at you girls? You are very beautiful," she complimented us.

"Thank you, Ma'am," I said, blushing like it was the first time someone had said I was beautiful. Well, apart from Mom and our therapist, we don't usually go out a lot, and when we do, we're always told we are pretty but not beautiful.

To me, being pretty means you're just attracted to my body, but when you say beautiful, it means my body, my soul, my scars, everything about me, but who the hell would fall in love with someone like me, I guess I'll just go to college, get a house, adopt children and have a dog. I mean, nobody will love all of me. I know this. My Mom was just lucky to have Lia with her, but I know I'll never be lucky like her. I'll never find love. I am negative again.

"Okay, girls, go over there. It is the only empty seat, and I can't change seats since I have done the seat arrangement already, or Dani can sit with Madison while Addison you sit with Violet.

Alright, let's continue, so we were discussing…"