Part 2

Part 2

I can’t focus on work. My head is spinning with thoughts of the company’s rate of return, visions, investments, the clash with William Black and Filip’s furious face.

Fortunately the office is quiet today. Kristoffer, who has been working at the company for two years and is a bit older than me, has his headphones on and is nodding along to the music while his fingers clatter away on his keyboard. He’s quite introverted and only opens his mouth when absolutely necessary. He’s always deeply absorbed in his work. Together with Jens, he’s brilliant at creating visual identities for our clients and unique marketing material that makes them stand out from the crowd. At the moment he’s developing a big campaign for the region’s libraries. I’ve already done some proofreading of the material, and it looks promising.

Jens, who has just celebrated his fiftieth birthday a month ago, sits next to Kristoffer. The two are thick as thieves and share their own secret language I’ve long since given up on trying to decode.

Jens kept on sending me concerned looks until he left the office at lunchtime.

‘I need to take two of the kids to the dentist today,’ he said and squinted at me.

‘Are you ok, Hannah? What’s all this about a serious talk with Filip tomorrow?’

‘It’s nothing,’ I replied, a bit too hastily. ‘Just a few practicalities we need to go over.’

Jens didn’t look satisfied with my answer, but fortunately he was running late and didn’t have time to press the subject any further. Mona, our sweet accountant who comes in a few days a week to do our bookkeeping and send out invoices, left an hour later. She peered at me anxiously through her round glasses but didn’t say anything. She’s not the type to pry. But then again, she doesn’t need to. With her job she already knows all about the company’s financial situation.

Now it’s two in the afternoon, and only Kristoffer, Tobias and I are left in the office. I sigh quietly and pretend to be busy updating Filip’s meeting schedule. Tobias looks at me significantly as he passes my desk on the way to the kitchenette to refill his mug. It’s obvious that he’s dying to ask me what happened in the conference room.

Who was the man I was talking to?

Why does Filip want to have a talk with me tomorrow?

What’s going on?

I deliberately avoid his gaze, and he doesn’t say anything. The silence in the office is unbearable, and by three thirty I’ve had enough.

‘I’m going home,’ I say, turning off my computer and grabbing my purse. ‘I was here quite early this morning, so… See you tomorrow.’

Tobias swivels around in his chair.

‘Yeah, sure, but… uh… are you ok?’

‘Sure,’ I reply briskly. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘Oh, I just thought…’

He falters.

Any other day I’d have taken pleasure in his concern. But not today. Today I just need to get out of this building as quickly as possible.

‘See you tomorrow,’ I call out as I hurry past him, grabbing my things from the cloakroom on the way out.

The daylight is quickly fading when I step out into the car park. The sky is still dark with heavy clouds, but the wind has let up a bit, and it’s not nearly as cold as it was this morning. I take a deep inhale, and it feels like the first breath I’ve taken since I set foot in the reception this morning to the news that Mr. Black had already arrived.

I pull my hat down over my hair, which is now hanging loose over my shoulders, and decide to walk home to get some fresh air. It only takes half an hour and will give me the chance to air out my thoughts.

This morning I couldn’t wait to get the day over with. Now I wish I had a time machine that would send me back to the moment I walked into the Treholt Building knowing what I do now.

There are quite a few things I would do differently, I think, feeling the weight of the boots in my rucksack. From now on I’ll make sure to listen extra carefully whenever Rosa from the reception opens her mouth.

I scowl. This is a Valentine’s Day I won’t be forgetting any time soon. It will forever be stored in my memory with a big warning sign—not for the faint of heart.

Despite the cold, my cheeks are burning up. In my mind’s eye I suddenly see the incident in the conference room from William’s perspective—me walking in, being hit by the door from behind and landing on the table with arms and legs splayed to all sides. I wonder what was going through his mind at that moment? Even though he seemed unimpressed, I’m sure he had himself a good laugh afterwards. And I don’t blame him. He must have felt like he had walked onto the set of Bridget Jones’ Diary.

I stop at the crosswalk and wait for a few cars to pass. Then I cross and turn down the footpath that leads through the residential area where my parents and I live.

Meeting William was a baffling experience. At first he was full of charm; he even flirted with me. Granted, it’s been a long time since a man has shown interest in me that way, but I’m not that rusty. I’m certain that was flirting on his part.

But then…

Perplexed, I bite my lip. Fifteen minutes later he was a whole different person, cold and cynical. A bona fide businessman, exposing my ignorance about my father’s company’s financial difficulties in no time. In the moment I had laughed, but in retrospect it’s just painful to think about.

There was absolutely no reason to act so arrogantly, I think, feeling a surge of anger. I have a feeling he only came to the meeting this morning to please his father. He never had any intention of even considering the investment. He just wanted to get the meeting over with as quickly as possible.

Who comes to a meeting directly from a night out anyway? Reeking of smoke and beer and covered in lipstick marks? It’s ridiculous, and he deserved to be told off. That man is obviously used to walking all over people like… people like me, who aren’t finance whizzes like him. No doubt he’s also used to always getting his way.

I smile to myself.

But not this time, Mr. Black. This time you were forced to hear the truth. You had it coming, and it was about time.

My smile quickly fades. If only Filip hadn’t shown up right in the middle of my thundering tirade against William.

It’s nearly dark by the time I unlock the front door and step into the hallway. I’ve only just kicked off my shoes when Mum comes out to me. She has dark circles under her glassy blue eyes, and in recent months she’s started to look thinner and frailer. Winters usually take a toll on her, but in the summer she recovers, both in terms of her mood and her weight, so I’m not too worried—not yet, at least.

‘Oh, Hannah, I’m glad you’re finally back,’ she says, relieved. ‘I really need to get out, so I’m going to go sit in the garage for a bit. Dad is in the living room watching TV.’

She grabs her coat from the hook and steps into a pair of worn clogs. ‘I’ll be back in ten minutes. And by the way, everything went well at the physiotherapist today. But Dad is tired now.’

‘Ok. That’s fine. You just go ahead. I’ll take over,’ I say, shutting the door behind her. I drop my things and take off my coat before crouching down to pet Bailey, who’s happily nuzzling my legs.

‘Did you have a good day, Bailey? Did you take care of Mum and Dad?’

Bailey responds with a slobbery tongue on my cheek, and I laugh. ‘Oh, so you think you did a good job, do you? Then I can guarantee you that your day was better than mine.’

I get back up and walk into the living room. Dad is sitting in his favourite armchair, as always. The fireplace is roaring in the corner, and on TV two hosts are eagerly describing their flea market finds. The programme hasn’t really seemed to capture Dad’s attention though, because he’s dozing off in front of the screen.

‘Hi Dad.’

I walk over to the chair, crouch down like I usually do and place my hand over his. He blinks, and it takes a few seconds for his eyes to focus on mine. Then he smiles. That little, lopsided smile he’s had ever since the stroke paralysed one side of his face.

‘Hi Dad, I’m home.’

He embraces me with his warm, brown eyes.

‘Han…nah.’

‘Dad. Did you have a good day?’

He nods slowly. Then his eyes drift upwards, and he stares at my forehead until I realise what it is he’s spotted.

My hand flies up to the bump. ‘Oh, that was just an accident. I was in a hurry and walked straight into a door at the office.’

I give his hand another squeeze before standing up and flopping onto the sofa. ‘Don’t worry. It doesn’t hurt anymore. What are you watching? We can watch together. Then I’ll go cook us some dinner afterwards.’

Dad turns his head and follows me with sceptical eyes. The stroke may have robbed him of most of his speech, but I know he can still read my face well enough to see through my little white lie. But I have no intention of revealing how I actually got the bump.

‘Wow, would you look at that,’ I exclaim, pointing at the screen. The female host is proudly holding up a blue ceramic vase in front of the camera while the expert by her side proudly rambles on about what is clearly a very rare find.

Dad finally takes his eyes off me and turns his attention to the television. I sigh with relief and sink back into the sofa. Half an hour with my feet up is exactly what I need. The day’s events are still whirling around in my head, but I try to push them aside. Instead I turn my thoughts to my mum, who I know is currently chain-smoking in the garage. Last summer she bought a used table and chair set off the internet and put it in the garage so she could sit and smoke without being disturbed by nosy neighbours.

I’m usually the one who empties the ashtray out there, and the amount of butts has steadily increased throughout the past six months. I know I ought to have a talk with her, tell her that she can’t keep going this way. But for now I’ll spare her. After all, I’ve learned a thing or two in the three years since Dad’s stroke. That you can’t fight on all fronts at once. That you have to pick your battles. And right now we’re still just trying to get by. Trying to stick to the routine.

When Dad got sick, everything collapsed. Mum lost her job at the real estate agency where she worked. She was on sick leave for a while, and she had to fight to get back into the job market. Now she has a part-time job she likes. Everyday from five to nine, she helps serve dinner at a nearby nursing home. She cleans up, does the dishes and helps put the residents to bed.

The job allows her to spend the daytime with my Dad while I go to work. When I come home in the afternoon, I take over. At that point Mum is usually desperate to get out of the house and think about something else. At the nursing home there’s always plenty to keep her busy, which gives her a much-needed break from all her fretting about the future.

I always make sure to be home around four. Dad gets anxious when Mum starts her restless pacing, and he doesn’t calm down until I show up. We can leave him alone for a few hours at a time, but he doesn’t like it. And neither do Mum and I.

The heat from the fire makes my eyelids droop. I savour the feeling of sitting here with Dad, relaxing for a while. And I’m grateful that Dad is still well enough to live in the house as long as Mum and I take turns helping him.

That was our biggest worry after the stroke. What would happen to Dad and the company? What would happen with our house? How would we be able to afford to stay here if Dad could no longer work? That was when Filip stepped in like a guardian angel. The company was divided into thirds between him, my mum and me, but it was Filip who took over as CEO of the company, and that was exactly what we needed. With his help we’ve been able to make just enough money off the company to pay our mortgage and keep the house.

So we’re getting by. For now, at least.

Half an hour later Mum goes to work. While I’m peeling potatoes, I hear my phone ping.

I drop the peeler and hurry over to my bag by the desk. Could it be Christel? I haven’t heard from my friend for a few weeks, but I know she’s busy with her studies at Cambridge so I’m not worried. Tonight I could really use a friend to talk to, though.

I dig out my phone and read the text. It’s not from Christel. It’s Filip.

We need to talk about your meeting with William. I expect to see you at the office at 7:15 tomorrow morning.

I read the message several times, and my heart sinks all the way down to the floor beneath my feet. It’s clear that he’s no less angry with me than he was this morning. With a sigh I place the phone on the counter and continue making dinner.

Once the food is ready, Dad manages with some difficulty to get out of his chair and hobble over to the dining table, where his plate of food is already waiting for him. He’s lost most of his strength in his right arm and lacks the coordination required to eat with a knife and fork, so I help him by cutting up his potatoes and meatballs into small pieces.

As usual, I tell him about my day at the office while we eat. I know it’s the highlight of his day. His brown eyes light up when he hears about what I’m working on at the moment and how things are going with the clients he once brought in to the company.

But today I can’t talk about my day, so instead I go on and on about a website we’re helping develop for a new fish restaurant that’s opening down by the harbour soon.

‘Kristoffer did such a good job. The pictures of the different dishes are beautiful, and I love the blue and silver colour scheme they chose for the website. I’m going to do the proofreading next week, and then we’ll be ready to launch it.’

I poke at the last meatball on my plate. ‘And Filip was out of the office most of the day. Lots of client meetings, so that’s good.’

While I speak, William Black appears in my mind’s eye, with Filip’s angry face in hot pursuit. Why is it the company needs an investment? Aren’t we doing quite well? Sure, we’ve lost a few clients in recent years, but we’ve also gained new ones. And why did Filip invite an investor all the way from England to see my dad’s old company? Why didn’t he just go to the bank?

I want to ask Dad, to discuss all my questions with him. Inside him is a wellspring of knowledge about the company’s finances and clients. He was a talented, well-liked and enterprising businessman, and I miss the days when we worked at the company together. I miss having him at the helm. But those days are gone for good.

I stifle a sigh. It’s no use. Telling him about Filip’s plans would only make him uneasy. Much too uneasy. And that unease would spread to the rest of the household.

‘Han…nah.’

Dad looks at me, and I realise I’ve stopped talking and am just poking at the last meatball on my plate.

‘Sorry.’ I put down my knife and fork and shake my head. ‘I was just thinking about our holiday by the North Sea last year, and it made me miss the sun and summertime. It’s so dreary outside now.’

A dreamy look comes over my face. ‘I miss walking on the beach, dipping our feet in the sea and watching the waves wash away our footsteps. Feeling the sun on our faces and the wind in our hair, the smell of salt and hunting for seashells in the sand. Watching Bailey run around and shake himself off when he gets caught in a big wave.’

I catch Dad’s eye. ‘Should I keep going?’

The little lopsided smile I love so much appears on Dad’s lips. He nods, and I start my usual reminiscing about those wonderful days we spent at Filip’s summerhouse by the North Sea last year. The weather gods had smiled on us the whole week, and there was something magical about the place. We were able to forget about all the hard stuff and escape our everyday life. We absorbed as much strength as we could from that holiday, and throughout winter I’ve often recounted our experiences to Dad, as vividly as possible.

He listens intently, and as I talk my heart starts to feel a little bit lighter. For a moment I’m able to forget about what’s awaiting me tomorrow morning. I allow myself to dream about the things that are possible to achieve in life. A weeklong holiday at the North Sea with my parents, surely that’s a dream that’s within reach.

After dinner I help Dad go to the toilet. His weak hands make it difficult for him to unbuckle his belt, and even though I’ve often tried to convince him to wear trousers with an elastic waistband, he objects every time. He has always taken pride in his appearance, and he continues to insist on slacks with a belt and a button-up shirt. It’s extra work for Mum and me, but I’ve long since come to terms with that. After all, I’m not the one who can’t get dressed on my own.

I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to lose your speech and fight to regain it…

It’s heartbreaking to think of the mental prison he’s ended up in after the stroke. It’s hard enough for the people around him. We miss his voice. His affectionate teasing. His operatic tenor when he sang in the shower. Or called for Bailey out in the garden.

We miss his voice, but our loss is nothing compared to his. His life is changed forever, and every single day he’s confronted with the things he can no longer do and will never be able to again.

I unbuckle his belt and swallow the lump in my throat.

‘There you go, Dad, belt’s undone. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.’

I clean the kitchen with Bailey right at my heels.

‘Is it time for a walk?’ I ask him once I’m finished, and he does his ecstatic dance around my legs. I laugh and grab the lead.

‘I’ll be back in half an hour,’ I call to Dad, who’s sitting in his armchair. His lips move, forming a single word.

‘Be…’

I give him a reassuring smile. ‘I’ll be careful, I promise. I’ll be right back.’

Outside the wind has finally died down, and my breath makes big clouds in the air. The temperature must have dropped below freezing. Our neighbours have all drawn their curtains tight, and there’s not another soul on the street. I take a deep inhale, and my lungs fill with ice-cold air that wakes me up.

Bailey pulls me towards the footpath that leads to the school and the football pitches. Obligingly I follow along, arming myself with patience when Bailey stops to sniff at every lamppost we pass.

An almost full moon appears behind a few wispy, grey clouds, and I stare at it, captivated. It’s so beautiful tonight, so magical, so full of secrets. It has a strangely calming effect on me. It must be something about the way it hangs up there in the night sky, serenely sending its mysterious, silvery light down to Earth.

Bailey drags me onwards to the next lamppost, but I keep my eyes fixed on the moon as I follow. The moon has always fascinated me. When I was younger, I was really into astrology, and I remember reading about how affected Cancers are by the phases of the moon. And it’s true, I often can’t sleep when there’s a full moon. And over the years I’ve also noticed that I’m more sensitive when…

A sudden realisation stops me in my tracks. Bailey turns around in surprise and pulls at the lead, forcing me back into motion. Of course. That must be it. That must be the explanation for the catastrophic meeting that has rankled me all day. It must have been the coincidence of three unfortunate events:

1.Today is Valentine’s Day.

2.There has just been a full moon.

3.I was forced to meet a stranger.

Three things that, in my case, are a surefire recipe for disaster, given that:

1.Two years ago Kasper and I had big Valentine’s Day plans together, but he broke up with me the day before. As in, broke up broke up. I haven’t seen him since.

2.Whenever there’s a full moon, I seriously have a hard time keeping my cool.

3.I hate meeting strangers the way Filip asked me to. I hate it.

Particularly when that stranger is an arrogant businessman from England.

William Black’s face flashes before my eyes again, and my heart skips a beat. Ok, I have to admit he was rather attractive, even with his bloodshot eyes, shaggy hair and dishevelled clothes. Too bad appearance and personality didn’t match up.

Just thinking about his behaviour makes me grit my teeth. There is nothing that could possibly excuse his behaviour, I quickly decide. Nothing at all. Filip might not approve, but I’m going to be brutally honest tomorrow and tell him exactly what I think about William Black. The company should have nothing to do a buffoon like him. It would be unprofessional. And Filip is always very professional when it comes to the company. But strangely enough, my decision doesn’t make me feel any calmer. To the contrary.

Bailey drags me towards the sports centre. We reach the edge of the residential area and turn down the big street. The entrance to the sports centre is on the opposite side of the road a bit further ahead. The spotlights illuminate the bright green artificial turf of the pitches where a team is training. Their hooting and shouting cheers me up, bringing a bit of life to this otherwise cold and silent night.

The doors to the sports centre open up, and a small crowd trickles out. I give a start. Even from a distance I spot Tobias right away. His height, his green camouflage coat and his ambling gait make him easy to recognise. I automatically lift my hand to wave, but then I see him turn around towards his girlfriend, who suddenly appears behind him.

I let my hand drop and turn around to face the privet hedge that Bailey is busy sniffing. Glancing back over my shoulder, I see that Tobias has lifted his arm and laid it across Line’s shoulders. She shakes her head and tosses back her blonde hair before looking up at him and laughing about something he whispers into her ear.

My pathetic attempt to blend in with the hedge isn’t necessary at all. Tobias and Line only have eyes for each other. It’s obvious how in love they are. They’ve been together since high school, Tobias once told me.

As much as I try, I can’t take my eyes off them. Tobias pulls Line in close and kisses her. They smile at each other, and then they disappear around the corner of the building, towards the car park.

Shit. That means they’ll drive out onto the street in a moment.

I don’t want them to see me here. I tug at Bailey’s lead and dash down the first path leading away from the street and the sports centre. Bailey looks at me resentfully, but I don’t care. An odd mixture of loss and longing gathers into a big lump in my throat, and I have to blink hard not to cry.

I never cry.

Especially not over my pathetic crush on Tobias.

My dad points at the home phone as soon as I return with Bailey. The display shows a long foreign number, which can only be my sister.

‘I see Louise called. Was it a long time ago?’

Dad shakes his head.

I hesitate. To be honest, the day has been hard enough as it is. But Louise is my sister, and she lives in Spain and rarely calls so I don’t really feel like I have a choice. I pick up the receiver and press redial.

She answers right away.

‘Louise speaking.’

Every time I hear my sister’s voice, I’m struck by how confident she sounds.

Cool, composed and with a slight hoarseness I’m sure makes her irresistible to men. She and I look like each other outwardly. We’ve both inherited our dad’s brown eyes, but Louise has dyed her hair blonde, and all the hours under the Spanish sun has made her skin more tanned, while I’m pale as snow.

‘Hi, it’s Hannah.’

‘I tried calling ten minutes ago. How’s it going? How’s Dad?’

‘Hm… he’s well. Nothing new to report, really. Dad’s watching TV, and Mum is still at work. She’ll be home soon, though.’

‘In other words, just the same old, same old,’ Louise says, and I can practically hear her eyes rolling. ‘And I suppose you just got back from walking Bailey? Alone, as usual?’

The judgment in her words is obvious. I lean against the desk and fiddle with the words in the cigar box next to the message tray. ‘Yes, I did. How are you?’

‘Oh, you know, busy enough. Loads of Danes down here now that everyone is on winter holiday. The restaurant is so busy that Pepe put me in charge of the new waiters. It’s so great, I’ll tell you. Being able to order all of them around the same way I was back when I started. I’m betting the new Swedish girl won’t make it till the end of the week. She doesn’t have what it takes for this kind of job.’

‘Hm…’

I don’t know what to say. In the background I hear music playing and a couple of male voices speaking in rapid-fire Spanish. I change the subject.

‘It sounds like you aren’t alone?’

I hold the phone away from my ear when Louise suddenly rattles off a bunch of Spanish.

‘Bloody hell,’ she says, switching back to Danish. ‘Sanchez and Victor are going crazy. They came over to watch football since it’s my night off.’

I rack my brain, but the names don’t ring any bells. ‘Who are Sanchez and Victor again?’

‘Haven’t I told you about them? They’re the two new waiters at the restaurant, super sweet. And so much fun. It was getting rather boring with Pepe and his brothers, but now it’s really livened up.’

‘That’s good to hear.’

‘You really ought to get off your arse and come visit me. I’ve been here for almost six years now, and you’ve only been here once for a short visit the first year.’

I drop the piece of card in my hand back into the box, glance at Dad and lower my voice. ‘I can’t.’

‘Why the hell not? You’re just rotting away in that house with Mum and Dad.’

‘Louise,’ I sigh. ‘We’ve talked about this.’

‘Oh right, I forgot how you’re vying for the title of ultimate martyr. It’s nauseating.’

The scorn in Louise’s voice makes me clam up. Two minutes was all it took. Already the battle lines are drawn, and experience tells me it’s best to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

‘Listen, Louise…’

‘Don’t you dare hang up. Is Mum back?’

Just as I’m about to say no, I hear the keys in the door.

‘Wait a second, she’s just arrived.’

I take the phone away from my ear and walk over to the front hall. Mum opens the door and raises her eyebrows when she sees me waiting for her.

‘It’s Louise,’ I say, handing her the phone.

‘Oh, lovely,’ she exclaims, immediately brightening up. ‘Louise, my darling. So good to hear from you. Yes, I just walked in the door. It was a busy evening. But I don’t want to bore you with that. Tell me about what’s going on with you. Who is it you’re with?’

I go back to the kitchen to empty the dishwasher but almost immediately Mum comes out and shushes me.

‘Please, Hannah. I can’t hear over that racket you’re making. Sorry, Louise, could you repeat that? What did Pepe say?’

I take out one glass at a time and put them away as quietly as I can.

‘No, really? That’s amazing, darling. I must say.’

Out of the corner of my eye I see Dad turn his head. He follows Mum with his eyes, listening to her chirpy voice. She rarely sounds like that anymore. When she speaks to us, she just sounds worn out. The contrast is so stark I’m sure it must pain him. But then again he’s probably glad that Louise’s call helps to cheer Mum up.

I put away the last glass and start on the cutlery as I follow along in Mum’s half of the conversation. By the sound of it Louise has planned a trip to Madrid followed by a week in Lanzarote, where Victor’s parents apparently live.

‘That’s wonderful. My goodness, such adventures you’re having. Yes, yes, I’ll say hello to Dad and give him a hug. It was so good to hear from you. Promise to call again soon, dear.’

Mum sets down the phone on the kitchen counter and takes a deep, almost blissful breath before turning towards me.

‘Hannah, isn’t it just incredible, all the things your sister is up to? There’s always so much going on in her life. I don’t think we’ll be seeing her back here at home any time soon.’

‘No, probably not,’ I say.

She walks over and puts a hand on my shoulder, smelling faintly of cigarette smoke. She lowers her voice so that Dad can’t hear her.

‘That’s why it’s so good we have you here, Hannah. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Good thing you don’t have the same adventurous streak as Louise.’

A few forks slip out of my hand and land in the drawer with a clatter.

‘No, I guess not,’ I mumble.

The night is restless.

Twice I find Dad wandering around confusedly in the hallway. Mum is fast asleep and doesn’t hear anything. I help him back into bed and try to get some sleep myself.

I’m bleary-eyed and jittery when the alarm rings at six the next morning. I pull on my favourite jeans, a blue cotton shirt and a long-sleeved cardigan. I pedal as fast as I can, the hair that hangs down from underneath my helmet fluttering in the breeze. I’m running late so I’m forced to make do without a strong espresso from Hamid.

Filip’s car is already in the car park. I jog through the empty reception, scan my ID and decide to take the stairs instead of the lift. My heart is already pounding so hard in my chest that a bit of extra exercise won’t make any difference. I feel almost as nervous as I did yesterday before the meeting with Mr. Black. Or rather, I correct myself, I’m equally nervous, just in a different way. I know Filip is angry with me. And deeply disappointed.

I know I’m about to receive a major reprimand.

It’s not exactly the nicest way to start the day. There are a lot of other things I’d prefer.

A fresh, well-rested mind.

An uplifting chat with Hamid.

A strong espresso.

And sun. Sun shining from a cloudless sky.

But right now there is only grey. Grey outside, grey inside. Grey inside of me.

Maybe I should have worn grey today. That way I would have blended in with my surroundings, and maybe no one would notice me.

‘Hannah. Good morning.’

Filip is behind his desk, leaning back in his chair, relaxed, with one foot on the opposite knee and what looks like a photo album in his lap. He looks serious when he gestures towards the chair across from him.

‘Good morning, Filip.’

My voice is already trembling. Shit. I feel like turning on my heel and not coming back until my pulse has returned to normal. Instead I obediently sit down, and an image of a guillotine pops into mind, its angled blade gleaming. I’m not going to make it out of here alive.

I swallow dryly and look at Filip. He’s wearing his grey suit, and he looks as though he went to the hairdresser yesterday, because his grey hair is neatly trimmed and makes him look younger than his fifty-seven years.

I try to calm my racing heart, but it just keeps on pounding away while Filip slowly flips through the photo album in his hands. He’s clearly in no rush. It feels like the calm before the storm.

‘Look at this.’

Filip’s voice is surprisingly warm when he pushes the photo album across the desk and points to a picture of two young men smiling at the camera. I recognise my uncle immediately, but I don’t know the other one. And yet there’s something familiar about him.

‘That’s Elliot and me.’

He points at another photo.

‘And here we are in front of King’s College, where we used to study. And that’s us playing cricket. I don’t think I ever told you that Elliot had quite the knack for cricket. There was talk of him making a career of it, trying out for the national team. But I knew him well enough to know that that wasn’t his dream. He wanted to start his own business. And earn money. Lots of money.’

Filip looks up. His brown eyes catch mine. I know I must look confused. Where is he going with all of this?

‘From the day I met Elliot I knew I had a friend for life. We had each other’s backs all throughout university. Those were some incredible years, some of the best of my life.’

He sighs, looking slightly sad.

‘I still find it hard to understand why you didn’t go to England to study after all, Hannah. You and Kasper had so many plans back then, five years ago. Don’t you ever regret it?’

The directness of Filip’s question leaves me momentarily speechless. Why is he suddenly bringing up my past? It’s unlike him to show interest in my life this way.

I cough. ‘I wouldn’t say I regret it. Louise had already moved to Spain at that point, and I didn’t want to leave Mum and Dad on their own. Dad was so busy with the company, and he needed help. It sounded exciting, and I…’

I trail off. Filip looks at me expectantly, waiting patiently for me to go on.

‘Besides… besides, Kasper and I decided to wait a few years so we could save up a bit more before going. And Christel, my friend, was in on the plan too. All three of us would save up and then go together.’

I look down at my hands, which are clenched in my lap. It isn’t easy to talk about the past.

‘But it just wasn’t meant to be, I guess.’

Filip nods and continues flipping through the photo album. He knows that all my plans went down the drain when Dad had the stroke a little over three years ago. It only took a few months before Kasper had had enough of my new, cooped-up caretaker lifestyle and broke it off with me. Now he’s in London, working as a bartender at some high-end bar. I only know that because Christel is still in contact with him. She also followed her dreams and went to Cambridge, where she’s been studying for two years now. Soon she’ll have her bachelor in business and management.

I close my eyes for a moment to collect myself. Kasper and Christel are busy living out their dreams while I’m sitting here waiting for a reprimand. No one ever said life was fair.

‘Have a look at this.’

I open my eyes and see the little photo of my dad standing next to his first car—a red Alfa Romeo.

‘Niels was so proud when he finally had enough money to buy that car. Money was always tight when we were growing up, so it was a big victory for my brother when he managed to get a well-paid job and could afford to buy a car.’

He turns a few more pages and stops at a photo that makes my heart stop. It’s my dad and me in the old office, laughing. My dad’s arm is around my shoulders. He looks proud.

‘That was your first day at the office,’ Filip says softly. ‘Five years ago. I came by and took this picture. Niels pulled me aside at one point and said he would never forget that day. The day you decided to join the family business.’

I blink a few times to get rid of the fog that has descended over my eyes. It pains me to see our happy, shining faces. I’d completely forgotten how euphoric that day was. How bright the future looked back then. At the very back of the photo, I can just make out Kasper’s profile. He came with me to the office that day.

‘I know that Niels…your father…’ Filip stops. He leans back in his chair and runs his hand through his hair. Then he clears his throat. ‘I know everything changed the day he got sick. That you suddenly found yourself in a whole different situation. All of us did, in a way.’

He stops, letting the words hang in the air between us. I sit perfectly still. I had had my guard up when I stepped into his office expecting a serious tongue-lashing. I certainly hadn’t expected Filip to take a walk down memory lane with me.

‘It was clear to me right away, Hannah, that I would have to step in at the company. To begin with, we all hoped that it would only be temporary. That my brother would return. But sadly, that’s not how things turned out.’

He leans forwards, places his hands on his desk and looks at me solemnly.

‘I hope you’re satisfied with the way I’ve run the company, Hannah. I really do.’

‘Yes…’ I nod. ‘Yes, of course I am.’

‘Good. And I also hope that you trust in the fact that I want what’s best for the company and for our family.’

I nod.

‘Good. That’s nice to know. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us, because you and me, Hannah, we have the same goal. We need to secure the future of this company. And the future of our family. And we can do that if we manage to convince Elliot to invest in the company.’

He stops and takes a deep breath. ‘The thing is, the company’s finances are under a lot of pressure right now. We’ve been steadily losing clients for a while now, and last year’s results were far from satisfactory. We need a substantial capital injection. And ideally, we need it as soon as possible.’

‘Is it really that bad?’ I ask incredulously.

‘Yes, this may come as a surprise to you, but the loss of clients combined with major salary expenses… it isn’t the best combination. Remember, the company pays a sizeable salary each month to your mother as a passive owner of the company. And I’ve got nothing against that, because it ensures that your family is able to keep the house, but seen from the company’s perspective, it isn’t viable in the long run. And that’s why I’ve contacted Elliot. He’s always on the lookout for new investments, and when I told him about the company, it caught his interest.’

He looks at me apologetically. ‘I probably should have explained the situation to you in more detail so you would have been better prepared for yesterday, but I was a bit overwhelmed, you know, what with Josefine’s operation and all my meetings.’

My eyes widen. Is Filip actually sitting here apologising to me? What happened to that reprimand?

‘That’s ok,’ I mumble confused, brushing a strand of hair from my face. ‘I’m just sorry things went so wrong between Elliot’s son and me…’

‘Oh, right, William.’ Filip smiles. ‘He’s a tough customer. I quickly realised that when I spoke to him yesterday. It was a shame that Elliot fell ill. I had no idea his son was with him in Copenhagen or that Elliot would send him instead. It turned out to be a bit of a mess.’

‘That’s putting it mildly,’ I say dryly. ‘It was a total catastrophe.’

Filip sighs lightly. ‘I don’t know what went on between the two of you before I showed up in the middle of you giving him an earful, nor do I need to, because the fact of the matter is that I had a talk with William. And last night I also spoke to Elliot. He’s come down with a rather bad case of pneumonia and is now on his way back to England, but I managed to convince him to give us another chance.’

I stare at him. ‘Another chance?’

‘That’s right. On Monday William will be back. He’s agreed to spend a few days with us to get a sense of our work and upcoming projects. And it’s up to the two of us to convince him that our company is worth investing in.’

Oh, Jesus.

I really hope my face doesn’t reveal the many emotions suddenly raging inside me.

William is coming back.

I really hadn’t seen that one coming. I was certain I would never have to see the man ever again.

Filip sends me a puzzled look.

‘You don’t seem too thrilled.’

Of course I’m not bloody thrilled, I nearly shout, but instead I simply shrug.

‘Listen, Hannah.’ Filip leans in and looks at me sharply. ‘I cannot emphasise enough how important it is that we land this investment as soon as possible. It will save us. Ensure that your parents can continue living in their house. Without it, I can’t guarantee that…’

He stops abruptly, but he doesn’t have to say any more. The gravity of the situation is finally dawning on me. It’s the first time since he took over three years ago that he’s including me in the company’s dealings, and it can only mean one thing. This is serious.

The thought of my parents’ house being at stake sends chills down my spine. It will ruin us if we’re forced to sell the house and move. It will topple the fragile card house of a life we’ve worked so hard to build over the past three years.

I straighten up.

‘I’ll do my best,’ I promise him.

Filip sees the determined look in my eyes and nods, satisfied.

‘I’m glad we’re on the same page. This, Hannah, will be our project, and we’re going to succeed.’

I smile, but it quickly fades when I hear Filip’s next words.

‘And given our financial situation, I’ve made another decision that I know you’ll support me in. On Monday Josefine will start as the company’s new sales representative.’

Josefine is starting on Monday.

After that shocker it’s impossible to concentrate on work. The rest of the morning I keep on zoning out in front of my computer. I was so surprised when Filip told me that I didn’t protest. I just sat there, smiling dumbly.

I really don’t want to work with my cousin. And it’s not just because she outshines me in just about every aspect. She’s taller than me. Slimmer. More beautiful. More talented. More attractive. More cheerful. More charming.

Have I forgotten anything?

I snort to myself. I know exactly what will happen when she shows up. She’ll undoubtedly bring in lots of new clients, and everyone will clap their hands and drool over her. Jens, Kristoffer, her dad and, not least, Tobias. It’s inevitable. She’s an excellent salesperson; she just has a hard time holding on to jobs. Usually she doesn’t last more than a year before switching.

But it will be different when she’s working here, under her dad’s wing. It will change everything.

Suddenly I realise I’ve practically been hammering at the keyboard in frustration. Jens turns and looks at me quizzically.

‘Everything ok, Hannah?’

‘It’s just the internet. It’s so bloody slow today.’

‘Really? I’m not having any problems. What about you, Kristoffer?’

Kristoffer shakes his head so his curls fly about his ears. ‘Nope.’

‘Me neither,’ Tobias says, and I cringe with embarrassment over being caught lying.

‘I guess it’s just me,’ I mumble, shrinking behind my screen. My desk is behind everyone else’s, right in front of Filip’s office, which means I can see what the others are doing on their screens, but they can’t see mine. Only Filip can, but he’s out meeting with a client right now, so I sneak onto Facebook. I can’t concentrate enough to get any work done, anyway. These past days have been an emotional roller coaster ride, and the stress is eating away at me. Last Monday everything was just like normal, the usual routine.

But now…

Now it turns out the company is in financial trouble and can’t survive without an investment, William is coming back and Josefine is joining the company. I may have escaped the guillotine in Filip’s office, but certainly I feel worse for wear.

William P. Black.

I click the name and just barely manage to stifle a surprised gasp when a familiar face appears on screen. I had typed his name into Facebook without thinking, and now I suddenly find myself on his profile.

It’s a big mistake.

Transfixed, I stare at the screen, right into William’s blue eyes. God, are they blue. In a flash I’m transported back to the conference room when our eyes met for the first time. I sit perfectly still on the chair, trying not to arouse suspicion, while my palms grow sweaty. Even my heart starts to gallop.

He looks basically like he did in real life. The biggest difference is his eyes. They’re looking straight at me. Bright and full of confidence. No trace of a wild night on the town.

The photo was posted a year ago and has over a hundred likes—and plenty of comments from various women. No wonder women go crazy over him. He looks dashing in his dark blue suit and white shirt. His hair is shorter and more tamed, and he exudes a fascinating, almost irresistible combination of self-confidence and charm. There’s a smile lurking on his lips, and I swallow hard, remembering the way his face lit up the few times he smiled at me.

I lose myself in his profile. I check his list of friends and find out that he has a sister, Emma, who looks like a female version of him. And that he’s been working at his father’s company for the past five years. He’s twenty-nine, born in October, which makes him a Scorpio, and he has a girlfriend—at least, there’s a photo of him with a tall brunette tagged as Claire Stanton.

Claire.

A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. She radiates a cool elegance in her blue dress, high heels and subtle make-up. William is holding her close, and both of them are smiling at the camera. A beautiful couple. They seem perfect together.

Could it have been Claire’s lipstick on William’s shirt? I furrow my brow. For some reason, I don’t think Claire is the type of person who would leave lipstick marks on her boyfriend’s collar.

With a click I suddenly find myself on Claire’s profile, which shows she’s registered as single.

I pause, surprised.

Quickly I click back to the picture of William and Claire together. It was posted in late summer of 2016.

I take a deep breath. Suddenly it’s of the utmost urgency that I find out what happened between William and Claire. I click feverishly through their public photos and finally find one of Claire from November last year. She’s on a beach in a cute summer dress with a pink sky behind her.

Enjoying the Spanish sunset.

That’s all it says. There are lots of likes and comments.

On your own? someone called Melissa Thompson has asked, and Claire has replied with a sad smiley.

I bite my bottom lip. It would appear that William and his girlfriend broke up about four months ago, and that he’s now single.

William is single.

Unless he’s found a new girlfriend in the mean time. But his profile doesn’t suggest it.

William is single.

With a start I close Facebook and massage my temples. The jittery feeling now filling my body tells me that I should never have looked him up.

Fuck.

It’s not far away. Five days. Five measly days until I’ll be forced to stand face-to-face with William Black, once again.