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1. Clay, Meet Bailey

  1. Clay, Meet Bailey

Twenty-one is an odd age. Yeah, you have the excitement of being able to legally drink, but I’ve been drinking for years. The allure just isn’t there anymore. It’s almost as if you’re officially an adult. You look forward to turning sixteen to get your driver’s license; you look forward to turning eighteen so you can gamble, and you look forward to turning twenty-one so you can legally drink and buy tobacco. What comes next? What do I look forward to next? My car insurance going down?

My life has been interesting to say the least. Coming from a homeless childhood while having several mental illnesses, I’ve pushed through just about everything. I just graduated college with a degree in communications, but I wanted to go into restaurant management. I had a few friends and family who helped keep me afloat, but I tended to lose people just as quickly as I’d found them. I wanted nothing more than to find something to give me hope--hope to continue fighting, hope that I’ll accomplish more than my mental illness says I’m capable of.

My name is Clay Dabrowski, and this is my story.


I opened my deep, hazelnut eyes as the sound of my phone alarm rang in my ears. The loud, drawn out beep, beep, beep continued until I rolled over and slapped the phone in an effort to stop the noise. The noise ended, leaving only silence lingering in the room. I slung my legs off my black futon bed and sat up.

My brown hair reaching down to my ears that I normally wore parted to the right side of my face was now in shambles, looking like someone had taken a balloon and rubbed it against one side of my head. My bushy beard curled up to my lips. I spat and sputtered the hair away from my mouth. Sleep filled the corners of my eyes. I used my index finger to gently brush the corner of my eyes, freeing my blurry vision just a smidge.

As I stood, I arched my back to stretch my stiff muscles. I glanced down at my phone still sitting on the nightstand. It was 3:30 in the afternoon. I had slept all day again after I’d pulled an open-to-close shift the night before. I was the lead server, with aspirations to get into management at a local restaurant chain called The Door. I had been there for nearly four years now, where I’d started as a server and worked my way into head server, and finally management now that I was twenty-one. I was set to start management training in a week, but for now remained the head server.

I had to be at work in an hour and a half. I debated calling in sick; I would much rather be going out on the town with my best friend Luke on a Friday night. I made my way to the bathroom to begin my morning--or rather afternoon--regime to get ready. Once I had brushed my teeth and turned on the shower, I finally decided not to call out. I needed the money more than anything. After all, I had student loans to pay.

I finished getting dressed and made my way out of my second-story apartment. I walked to the edge of the railing and looked down at the cone my neighbor had stolen with the sign “Parking for I25 ONLY” typed across a laminated piece of paper glued to the cone. I chuckled to myself as I made my way down the steps to my deep, sea blue Challenger, glimmering in the sun from the small metallic flakes in the paint. This car was my pride and joy. It’s what I had saved up for and what I wanted my entire life. I’d made the leap and finally bought it after my most recent birthday. Since then, I had made several modifications to the car: new exhaust, upgraded manifolds, racing tuned, window louvres, and tint. It was mine that was for sure. Young and dumb I was.

As I got in the car, I slid the keys into the ignition. The car ding, ding, dinged as it woke from its slumber. I slowly turned the key, bringing the roar of the engine to life. The sound filled the empty apartment complex with a loud lion’s roar. I smiled. I loved the sound of the engine roaring to life, the deep throaty growl of the exhaust and engine combining into one.

Driving was one of my happy places. The sound of the engine would soothe me, causing me to get lost in thought. Most of the time I would ride with the radio off, my mind wandering as I took in the sounds of the car. It was where I went to escape life.


I pulled into the parking lot and into a spot closest to the employee entrance at the back of the restaurant. As I put the car in park, I closed my eyes, leaned my head back against the headrest of my seat, and listened to the sound of the engine growling. “I don’t want to be here,” I thought to myself as I sighed.

I opened my eyes and turned to scan the employee parking lot to see who I’d be working with. There was only one vehicle I didn’t recognize. I couldn’t think of a single person I worked with who drove a champagne-colored minivan. I scratched my head as I racked my brain for who it might have been, but to no avail. “It must be a new hire for the kitchen or hostess,” I said to myself.

I slowly opened my car door as a flood of sunlight broke the plain of my tinted windows. I squinted as I stood and shielded my eyes. The horn honked as I pressed the key fob on my walk to the employee door, opening it and feeling the cool breeze of the A/C hit me in the face.

I glanced over to my right where the computer was and saw Ma sitting there. Ma was like everyone’s work mother. She was there for us when we needed her, gave us motherly advice, even fed us. She had no kids of her own, but she gave a special kind of love to all the young servers and cooks who came through the doors of The Door. She sported pixie cut blonde hair and was slightly taller than I was. She wore her all-black work uniform and server’s apron.

“Hey, Ma,” I started before glancing around her into the office. What I saw made me stop in mid-sentence. I reached up and slowly placed my index finger and middle finger against my neck to check my pulse and make sure I hadn’t died and gone to Heaven. “Who is that?” I finally asked, nodding towards the office.

Standing in the office, assumingly filling out new hire documents, was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on. There she was, her magnificent red hair shining in the dull lights of the office. She was a bit shorter than me, clad in the black uniform. She was gorgeous. Who was she? Was she the one driving the minivan?

Ma turned around to see who I was talking about, “That’s the new hostess. She knows Rita. Why?”

“She’s gorgeous, Ma.” I couldn’t help but stare at her.

“Clay, haven’t you learned your lesson about messing with girls here?” Ma shook her head and stood up. “Be careful, Clay. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Again.”

Ignoring her warning, I moved past her and made my way into the office to introduce myself. I didn’t want to be too obvious about it though. I didn’t want to come off too strong and give off a stalker vibe.

“Hey, Peter.” I walked through the door and looked at the manager assisting the new angel with her paperwork. “Who’s this?” I asked before realizing I’d just done what I was hoping to avoid.

The girl turned around, the most beautiful smile painted across her face, highlighted by her freckles shimmering like tiny stars surrounding her crescent moon-like smile. My gaze met her golden-brown eyes shining like coins in the midday sunlight. Was it just me, or did she stare back at me with the same intensity?

“I’m Bailey. Bailey Childe,” she smiled, extending her hand towards me.

I reached out to grab her hand carefully. The feeling of her soft skin gave me goosebumps. Her hand fit perfectly into mine, causing my face to flush red. “Clay. Clay, uh, Clay Dabrowski,” I stammered. That smile, painted perfectly by God’s pink paintbrush, canvassed the bottom of her face and radiated joy into the air. “Nice to meet you.”

“She’s our newest hostess. She starts training with Rita tonight,” chimed in Peter with his normal delayed fashion. “Clay’s our head server and soon-to-be newest manager.”

“Nice to meet you, Clay Uh.” She giggled.

My face, once again, flushed red.


“Good evening, my name is Clay, and I’ll be your server today,” I began as I introduced myself to my first table of the night. “Our special is the filet mignon served with an asparagus and parmesan sauce. For drinks, we have Patron margaritas for $8.99. What can I get y’all started with for drinks and an appetizer?” As I finished my spiel and jotted down the table’s drink order, I made my way to the kitchen.

Approaching the kitchen door, I turned to see Bailey standing at the hostess stand. She was gorgeous, her long red hair twisting and turning down her back and sneaking across her shoulders. Her radiant smile pressed her lips up when a guest entered, and the way her eyes lit up the dark room had me enthralled in her beauty. I pushed my way through the kitchen door to finish fulfilling my table’s order.

“Clay,” a voice called out from behind me.

I turned around to see Ma coming through the kitchen door on my heels. “Yes, Ma?”

“I saw the way you were looking at her.”

“Ma, there’s something different about her. I just know it. She’s the type of girl I could see myself marrying in the future.”

“Clay, you barely know her. I get it; she’s a beautiful girl, but you don’t know anything else about her. She could be even more crazy than Morgan was, and you know how badly that ended. I still think you should have ended up with Ms. Marissa.”

“Marissa and I were just not compatible. You know that. And I highly doubt Bailey is as crazy as Morgan was. That one will be hard to beat. You always tell me to trust the Lord, that he will give me the signs when I meet ‘The One’. What if this is my sign? This feeling I have--it could be that sign.”

Ma was extremely religious, and consistently preached to me about looking for signs and trusting God. I was at a stage in my life where I was on the fence with religion, but I knew how important it was to her. I respected that.

“Clay, Clay, Clay,” Ma sighed, shaking her head. “Honey, I know you. You’re a hopeless romantic. You want to find love. I want you to find love. You’ve got to look outside of this place though. You’re stuck here fifty, sixty hours a week, and all you see are the girls in here. You need to look elsewhere.”

“Look,” I sighed, glancing at her with pleaful eyes. “I just finally found the right combination of medicine to keep my bipolar under control. I’m happy, in ways I have never felt before. I can finally see a light at the end of this tunnel. I think she could be that light. This is a new chapter in my life, and it starts with meeting her.”

“Clay, please be careful honey. Please.”

“Ma, I will. Just,” I paused, struggling to find the right words to explain to her this feeling. “Just trust me on this one.” I finished pouring the drinks for my table. I made my way out to the dining room to see more tables had been filled. It was going to be a long Friday night.


As the night wound down and the restaurant cleared out, I seized the opportunity to go talk to Bailey once again and quickly made my way to where she and Rita stood. Bailey appeared exhausted, her hair a stringy mess, sweat beading on her forehead, and pure exhaustion filled her eyes, yet she was still beautiful. I could only imagine how I looked.

I walked to the stand and glanced over at the seating chart sprawled across the surface. “Hello, Clay.” Bailey smiled.

“Oh, hey. Bailey, right?” I asked, trying to fake not knowing who she was like I hadn’t been thinking about her all night.

“Yes, sir.”

“How has your first night gone?” I asked nonchalantly as I made my way to one of the seats in the lobby. Bailey followed and sat down beside me.

“It was really good. Is it always this busy on a Friday night? I couldn’t keep the tables clean enough for Rita to seat people.” She laughed.

“Always. Always like that on Fridays. It gets crazy in here sometimes. I’m just glad you were here to help clean tables as they emptied. Things wouldn’t have gone as smoothly if you weren’t here.” I smiled softly at her, hoping she would appreciate my compliment.

Her face flushed red as she looked down at the floor. “Thank you, Clay. Hey, I like your shoes,” she giggled, pointing at my black non-slip work shoes.

Suddenly wishing that I had worn a nicer pair of shoes, I looked down at my now dirty shoes. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, I bet you wear those to school too, don’t you?” she teased, adding a wink at the end of her sentence.

“Actually, I did when I was in college,” I laughed. “Look, I hate buying shoes. So I only have this pair and one other pair. It’s a lot easier to wear these to school and leave straight from there to work instead of going home.

“Speaking of school, are you in school, Bailey? High school? College?” I didn’t truly think she was in high school, but you could never be too careful. Even if she was in high school though, we didn’t hire anybody under eighteen so she was at least an adult.

“Yeah, I go to school in Spartanburg at Converse College,” she smiled. My heart dropped as I heard the words come out of her mouth. Spartanburg was almost four hours from my coastal town of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. The girl of my dreams, the most beautiful angel I had ever seen, would be moving four hours away in a matter of months.

Peter approached us, raising one brow as he looked at me sitting next to the new hostess. “Your cut Bailey,” he said as he got to us.

Bailey glanced over at me and then back to Peter, blinking her eyes a few times. “It’s restaurant talk for your shift is over.” I laughed, nudging her playfully. “Have Rita show you what to do after you’re cut, and you can go home.”

“Okay, thank you!” She smiled as she stood up to make her way to where Rita was waiting.

“Oh, Bailey. Don’t forget you get a free meal tonight for your first night training,” I called out as I watched her walk away, biting my lip. “Just come see me when you’re done, and I’ll get it ordered for you.” I smiled, not wanting to let go of the connection we had just built.

“Oh I will. I’m starving!” She turned to flash me another one of her heart stopping smiles before disappearing into the back of the restaurant.

As she walked away, I turned my attention to Rita, standing there with a smile on her face. “What?” I pointedly asked.

“You two,” she said, nodding towards Bailey. “I haven’t seen her smile or laugh like that, well, ever.”

“She sure is something else.” My gaze never left Bailey.


“Clay!” Bailey called out. She made her way across the restaurant towards me, waving her hand. “I think I’m done.”

I looked over at her with a gentle smile. “Whatcha want to eat?”

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “Order me your favorite thing!”

“My favorite thing?” I chuckled. “Alright. I’m just going to warn you, I have weird tastes. How about a burger with peanut butter and bacon?” Bailey’s face said it all when she scrunched up her nose, pursed her lips, and furrowed her brows. “Okay, not that then. What about the honey chicken mac and cheese?”

This time, her eyes lit up. “That sounds good!”

“Alright. Pick a seat in my section and I’ll get it ordered for you. Got a drink?”

“I don’t. Sweet tea?”

“Coming right up,” I smiled as I walked past her to the kitchen. She made her way to a table in the furthest corner of my section.

A few minutes later, I returned with a sweet tea and a large green and white bowl filled to the brim with delicious mac and cheese and golden honey chicken. “Clay! This looks delicious!” she said as she unrolled her napkin and got ready to dive into her food.

“Thanks, I made it myself.”

“Really?”

“No,” I laughed as I turned and walked away. I couldn’t help but to smile. Her voice sang to me in ways I had never been sung to before. I got to the server’s station and printed out her receipt, scribbling away on it.

“What are you doing?” I heard Ma ask as she appeared by my side.

I quickly covered the receipt, stuffing it back into my server’s apron. “Nothing.”

“Uh-huh, don’t forget, mommas know everything. You were doing a little more than nothing Clay.” Man she was good.

“I was just doodling,” I reached up and scratched the back of my head out of nervousness.

She gave me that glare that all moms had. The one that tells you she knows you’re lying, but she trusts you to make the right decision. “Be careful, Clay.”

I glanced over at Bailey’s table and then turned my attention back to Ma. “I will be, I promise. I need to make my rounds.” I left the station and began visiting my tables.

As she finished her final few bites, I made my way back over to Bailey. My heart began to pound within my chest. Badum, badum, badum it echoed. My hands became clammy as I reached into my apron to pull out a folded over receipt. I crinkled the receipt between my fingers as the nervousness crept through every crack and crevice of my body. The closer I got, the harder my heart pounded. “Just hand it to her, Clay.” I told myself as I approached the table.

“Here you go Bailey, your total comes out to free dollars,” I half-heartedly joked as I laid the folded receipt on the table and took the rest of the dishes from her table.

When Bailey unfolded the paper, she found my number scribbled across the top of the receipt with the words ‘don’t be afraid to use this’ underneath the digits. I caught a glimpse of a brief smile creep onto her face as I walked away.


As the night drew on, I kept checking my phone. I would check nearly every ten minutes in hopes I’d see a message from Bailey. Finally, I pulled the smartphone out of my back pocket and this time the screen lit up. There was one new message from an unknown number.

I unlocked the phone, quickly pulling up the message. Hey, it’s Bailey :) I couldn’t help smiling to myself as I stared down at the screen. My heart skipped a beat

“What’s got you smiling over there, Clay?” Peter said as he walked up to where I was leaning against the wall.

My smile grew. “Nothing, Peter. Nothing at all.”

“It’s the hostess, isn’t it?” He side eyed me as he leaned against the wall beside me.

“It is.” I trusted Peter enough to open up to him about this; he was the one manager who had respected me from day one and treated me as an equal when I’d decided I wanted to transition into management.

“Just be careful, Clay. You’re going to be a manager now.”

“I know. I’m taking it one day at a time.” I said, texting Bailey back with an overly enthusiastic Hey!

A few days had passed since I’d met Bailey. She had used my number, probably against her better judgement.

“So tell me, what is your favorite food?” I had asked her. One of the must knows of a relationship.

“Mmmm pasta and chicken. I could eat either of those anytime.”

“Good choice, mine is Italian food. We’re going to get along just fine.” I smiled as I sent the message, my heart building for her. “What foods don’t you like?”

“I don’t like pie, fruit shouldn’t be hot. I don’t like tomatoes or stuffing either.”

“Oh no Bailey,” I sent, teasing her. “Pie is a must for me.”

“Guess that just means more pie for you, doesn’t it? :)” I smiled at her text. My heart fluttered a little. “Favorite color?”

I chuckled to myself. “Fun fact: I’m colorblind. But blue would be my favorite color of the ones I see.”

“OMG are you kidding?”

“Nope!”

I’d learned a lot of little things about her since we’d started talking and was growing attached to her personality, the kindness in her words, the innocence of her jokes, and the careful use of the words she chose.

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