Chapter 15

My finger stopped midair as I thought my actions through one more time. Well, it is what it is. I pressed the button. The whole time I was waiting for someone to get the door ,I looked everywhere else but at the door infront of me. I was suddenly anxious. What if he doesn't want to see me? What if I was intruding? We had agreed it was a one time thing so what was I doing at his door.

I turned to leave , however that was the exact moment the door was opened. Caught trying to flee I turned around ready to deal with the concequences. Although I was ready to face Namjoon, I was not ready to face any of the other members. This vacation was not going according to plan.

Jungkook stood at his door. Jungkook. You know Jungkook right....the golden macknae. He looked at me with interest while I was thinking of how I will get out of this ackward situation. He looked good though. I get why millions of women of all ages are in love with him.

" Sorry I think I am at the wrong door" I apologized and bowed

I didn't wait for him to say anything. I just fled. By the time I'm done with this vacation, I will qualify to be a marathon runner. All I do is run left and right. I opened my door and rushed inside. That was embarrassing. I paced around my room. Why does this keep happening to me?? What did I do wrong?

I felt like cursing at the universe but I didn't. It's better not to aggravate him or her any further. You never know what could hit me next. I should relax, right? Nothing will happen if I stay indoors. I won't meet or see anyone I was not planning to. But what a minute....This was my vacation, why should I hide like a coward?

As an African I needed to have more courage. I have always been courageous ,so why was I so afraid at the moment?

"Mmnhph" I fell flat on my bed.

Sleeping will make things better. Let's just sleep the embarrassment off.  The warm duvet lulled me to sleep. He was haunting me even in my sleep. Namjoon I mean. In the past I used to dream of him, once in a while but lately it has been frequent. Possibly it's the fact that I see him almost everyday.

In my dream I knocked on his door and he opened it. He smiled and asked me to come in but as I was walking in I lost my footing and fell . I didn't want to see his reaction but I couldn't help but hear the chuckles. We were not alone. I found myself surrounded by all the members. They were laughing at me. My heart felt really tight. Like it was being squeezed. I think I was dying......

Ring ring ring

My phone woke me up from the nightmare. It was a nightmare....how could they laugh at me like that. I knew it was dream but I was annoyed by their behavior. They should have helped me up and not laughed at me. The BTS members in my dream were jerks.

My phone stopped ringing. I sat down and checked the caller. It was an unknown number but the country code was from my country. Something was definitely wrong. My mum texted me in the morning and told me the family was doing great. So who could be trying to reach me?  Plus international calls were expensive. That meant it was a serious matter.

Before I could call back, the number called again.

" Hello" a female voice said

" Hello"

" Am I speaking to doctor Avah?"

" Yes, this is she"

" My name is Kari and I'm calling from the hospital"

" Go on"

" I was calling to inform you that your patient by the name Ellah has passed away this morning "

My heart literally broke.

" Wait!!!what????"

" I'm so sorry for your loss doctor "

" Have you spoke to her family?"

" Yes, they are on their way to the hospital to see her"

" Ooh thank you for informing me"

" No problem doctor. Once again I am really sorry for your loss"

" Tha-nk you" my voice broke.

I placed my phone back on the bedside table. I felt like the world was falling apart around me and all I could do was watch. Ellah was my patient. She was so young. Tears filled my eyes and started to flow down freely. I couldn't help it nor could I stop it.

We have been warned about getting attached to our patients but I never learn. I have lost patients in the past but nothing felt like this. The others were in there late 50s. They had lived their lives to the fullest. They have borne children. They have fallen in love and gotten their hearts broken. Studied and gotten their dream job but Ellah......

My chest started feeling tight. I couldn't breath properly. The room started feeling  smaller and smaller .I was having a panic attack. No matter how many deep breaths I took, my lungs were empty. My chest felt even tighter. What do I tell patients to do when they have a panic attack? My brain was jumbled  up. I couldn't remember a thing.

I curled up into a ball. Avah think.....think....try to think. I begged myself. My body was shaking violently. What calms you down? I tried to think but nothing came to mind. I saw flashes of Ellah's face in my mind it made it worse.  I was breathing hysterically.

Avah please........

'Was this going to be the end of me?' I wondered.

🎵 I get a feeling sometimes,

That I can't get close enough to you

I feel it all the in the night time

Even though that's when I'm closest to you

If I could be under your skin

Closer than I've ever been🎵

Like a miracle sent from above, my phone's alarm started singing loudly. This song was my favorite in the Indigo album. I loved it so much that I made it my alarm. I woke up singing every morning instead of cursing. The more I sang the song, the calmer I got. My  breathing started to even out and my chest was starting to feel lighter.

🎵If that's what we can do

Just looking at you

Stay where you are

Stay where you are

Just stay where you are 🎵

Unlike the song, I couldn't stay where I was. Before I could control myself, I left my room and headed out. I took the elevator down. I ended up standing at the familiar door for the second time today. This time I pressed the bell button and waited .

The door opened and there he was .....

" Can we get a drink together?" I begged.