Chapter 23

I turned and stretched out in bed fully. Mmmh, that was good sleep. I reached out to find Namjoon but I was met with cold sheets on his side. I sat down and rubbed my slightly swollen eyes. Why were my eyes swollen? Not dwelling on it I reached for my phone and checked my social media. A habit I have developed since my campus days.

I perused through my WhatsApp, then Instagram and lastly tiktok. Watching abit of BTS content I went back to my emails. Nothing was urgent for me to take care of. Putting my phone away I switched on the TV with the intentions of watching a comedy. I hadn't decided yet. I felt too lazy to wake up and move around the room. Maybe after laughing for a few minutes I will magically get the energy to take a shower.

Namjoon really drained me out . Punishment was a new concept for me but I really like it. I should be naughty often. Huh! Often, I'm leaving in two days. I had one day left before I had to board a plane back home. I needed to speak with Namjoon today since yesterday we didn't exactly talk wink wink*.

As I watched young Sheldon on Netflix, I heard the sound of the door was opening. I didn't bother to check because I knew for a fact it was Namjoon. He walked in slowly but he seemed extremely exhausted. Did I wear him out as he did with me? He didn't seem to react to my presence. His shoulders were down and saggy as he forced himself to walk without falling down.

" Namjoon," I flew from the bed to his side.

I grabbed his arm causing him to stop and look at where our bodies touched. He seemed conflicted. What happened while I was asleep? What was wrong? When I think back I couldn't remember anything going wrong. Did something happen in the morning? Where was he coming from?

While I wondered what was happening, he removed my hand from his roughly. It was almost like he would get burned if he were close to me. I was starting to have a bad feeling about this. Namjoon has never behaved like this before. He sat on the bed and lowered his head. His fingers were fiddling as he was thinking.

I tried for the second time to get closer to him. Perhaps he behaved like that the first time because he was exhausted. I sat next to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder.

" Don't touch me!" He said so coldly.

I couldn't recognize his voice. Immediately I pulled away from him. He clearly didn't want to have any contact with me and I had ignored his wishes. I wondered why he was mad at me.

" Namjoon...." I called out .

He didn't answer

" Joonie... please what is going on. I'm worried about you"

" Ha! Ha! " He started laughing

Call me crazy but if someone starts laughing like that, when you are having a serious conversation , you should be scared. He was seriously starting to scare me. I heard the Armys saying once that, Namjoon is very terrifying when he's angry. I can confirm for you guys, I am so scared right now.

" Namjoon please"

" Avah, why did you do it?" He asked suddenly

" Do what? What are you talking about?" I asked.

I sincerely had no idea what was happening right now. What he was talking about and why was he looking at me like that.

" Stop pretending not to know!" He yelled

" Namjoon.... please, come down"

"Avah , I am not a child. Tell me why you did it!!!"

At this point I was flabbergasted. He was shouting at me for something I had absolutely no knowledge of.

" Namjoon, I am not trying to make you feel like a child. I sincerely have no idea what you are talking about"

" Do you know Dawn?" He asked

Dawn? The girl at the reception desk. Why would he bring her up? What was this about?

" You mean the girl who told me your room number? Yes, she's a friend" I said honestly.

" So you are friends" he woke up and started pacing.

" Yea , more like acquaintances " I corrected myself

" I didn't want to believe it but apparently it was the truth" he said

" What is the truth?" I asked.

He unlocked his phone and brought it closer to me.

" Look at this!" He pointed at a photo.

At first I thought it was a photo of a random couple but when I gave it a second look it was us. A picture of yesterday evening. Why does he have a picture of us?

" Why do you have this?" I asked

" Oooh so now you know"

" Okay, I don't understand what is going on with you right now but I'm concerned about this picture. Who took it and why? Are they trying to blackmail you or something?" I spoke with concern.

" More like you are trying to blackmail me" he scoffed

" Me? Huh! You must be mistaken "

" Avah I am not mistaken. This picture was taken by Dawn who was following your orders. Your plan has failed"

" Why would I ask her to take such an intimate pictures of me . Are you insane?"

" You!!!! You did this" he growled

" I didn't do any of this . Why would you say that I did"

" Stop pretending. You plans have already been revealed "

" Namjoon, please, you have to believe me , I didn't do any of this. I have been set up" I begged for him to trust me this once.

I wanted him to trust me. No I needed him to trust me. I tried going on my knees and begging.

I crawled on my knees to where he was standing. I grabbed a hold of his legs and begged again and again. I cried as I wished so badly in my heart that he would believe me. I begged God, the universe, Buddha anyone to intercede for me and soften his heart.

He moved roughly away making me fall and sit down.

" Your tears will not change anything. You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust . I thought you were different. I wished you were different but you were just like the rest of them"

Each word he said broke me. My chest felt so tight that I could hardly breathe. My heart was breaking as I saw how he looked at me. From admiration to disgust. He was disgusted with me. I tried hitting my chest to relieve some of the pain but it wasn't working.

Momentarily I forgot he was standing right there in front of me. I took deep breaths while hit my chest over and over again. My mind was so crowded that I couldn't think straight. Why didn't he believe me, was the question I asked myself over and over again.

" Why don't you believe me?" I kept asking and he stayed silent.

When I finally understood that no matter what I said or did he wouldn't believe me, I broke. There was no point of groveling when I knew I did nothing wrong.

" I didn't do anything to you. I didn't ask her to do anything. I know it's hard to believe me but its the truth"

" Why should I believe you?"

" Because I love you!" I yelled

" I love you so much that I can barely breath when I'm with you. I loved you since the first moment I saw you on my TV. You made me happy. You made me blush. You made me laugh . You are everything to me" I confessed.

" I can't believe this" his hand went through his hair .

" You don't have to but its the truth. My truth. I would never hurt you. I would be the last person to ever think of hurting you because hurting you means hurting me. "

"...."his glare found my gentle dump eyes.

" I know there are eight billion people on this planet but you were the one my heart wanted the most" I sighed

" You will always be the only nice thing in my life. I hope that one day you will discover the truth. Now I will leave from sight because I can't stand the look of disgust in your eyes. I'm sorry if I hurt you . I'm so sorry " I continued

I bowed three times before I got to my feet. I packed all my things and gave him one last glance before I left. It was evening anyway and I was leaving the day after tomorrow.

" Good bye Kim Namjoon. Maybe in our next life we will have a better chance"

Avah: How am I meant to explain my loss when what I lost was never even mine.