Chapter 41.

Namjoon's POV.

She left me. She left me right in the middle of the park. Her words were so brave and real but they felt cruel to my bleeding heart. I didn't know what I was expecting from this but I didn't anticipate this turn of events. I thought if I told her how I felt, she would forgive the past and move on. Unfortunately, I couldn't get her back. Avah. Avah gave up on us.

I walked slowly back to my car. Her words were still ringing in my ears. She said no to us. I understand where she was coming from, I do but it doesn't help the heaviness in my heart. I truly love her. Why couldn't she accept my love? Was I not enough for her? Was my love for her not enough for her to stay or at least think it over?

For the first time in my life, I felt like screaming, tearing, and breaking stuff up. Anything to make this feeling go away. My heart was broken. Her words were swords and daggers directed at my entire being. Love. Who knew love, such a simple emotion could bring me to my knees?

At that exact moment, I felt broken. I felt lost in a city I did not know, trying to find my way back home. How could I find my way back home, when my home didn't want me back? As I was drowning in my thoughts Suga called. Suga was like a rope pulling me from the ocean that was trying to swallow me whole.

" Where are you?" He asked

" At the park"

" What the hell are you doing in a park? I thought you were taking Miss Avah home"

" I was..."

"Wait there. I'm coming to get you" he said before the call was disconnected.

I knew he would sense it. The change in my tone. The breaking of my voice as I tried desperately to conceal, that I was not doing well. Suga and I have lived together for a long time. We have also worked together for a long time. We knew each other like the back of our hands. I knew he would come.

As I sat waiting in the car I received a text.

I arrived home safely. Goodbye, Namjoon.

Avah.

Seeing her name made me feel worse. There's nothing I wouldn't give for the text to convey something different. What wouldn't I give to hear her say ' I love you again'? She said it twice before but I didn't believe her. Now, I was reaching for straws. I wish I could go back in time and believe her. Maybe this time our love might be perfect.

Was this how she felt back then when I didn't believe her? This hopelessness threatened to swallow me whole. I was in a desert and she was my source of water. I needed her. I needed her back desperately.

I heard the tap on my window. I opened the window to see Suga standing next to my car. He got here really fast. I unlocked the door for him to get in. He sat in the passenger seat, previously where Avah had sat twice.

No female has ever entered this car. Not my family and certainly not my friends. That seat was reserved for someone, but now that someone wanted nothing to do with me. I went for driving lessons so that I could be able to drive her around. I didn't want anyone else to intrude on our intimate time. Now I can only look at this car with so much longing.

" Was it her?" He asked

" Yes, how did you know? " I asked with my hand on my head.

" You stared at her the whole time. You had this dreamy look of love on your face. Very hard to miss" he explained

" I was that obvious, huh"

" pretty much"

We were silent for some time as he waited for me to open up.

"She doesn't want me anymore"

" Did she say that?"

"Yeah, not in so many words"

" I'm sure she needs time to think. Maybe if you give it some time she might rethink your entire situation"

" I don't think so. She said we are from different worlds that should not have met in the first place. How am I supposed to feel after that?"

" You must remember what happened last time Namjoon. You accused her of betraying you, remember?"

" How could I ever forget? Everyone keeps reminding me. It's always in my mind"

I was frustrated and sad at the same time. I was angry but I had no one to be angry at except myself. I caused this. I brought this upon myself.

" She needs time to accept your apology"

" She said she forgave me," I said puzzled by his statement

" And you believed her? It happened three years ago but she hasn't forgiven you"

" How do you know?"

" While at the hotel, she avoided your gaze yet you stared at her the whole time. The only time she looked at you was when she sang. Meaning all her songs were directed to you"

" I did notice but I didn't want to overthink it"

" You have to accept that she doesn't want anything to do with you right now. If you continue to push her, you will lose her completely. You have to let go for now. Give her some space."

" I don't know how to do that" I grabbed my chest " I feel like my heart is in pain. My chest is too tight and I can't breathe properly "

" Those are signs of love. You love her. I'm sorry we didn't stop you back then. We didn't realize you were really in love"

" I didn't know it as well. You have to lose something to realize its worth" I whispered

" You will be fine. Give it time. The pain in your heart will ease "

" Are you sure?"

" Yes I am"

We stayed at the park for another hour before Suga drove me home. He decided I was too heartbroken to drive and I might end up killing us both, so I let him. On the ride home, I decided to let things be. If she didn't want anything to do with me, I would have to accept it.