Chapter 10

I woke up feeling like shit. Wwwwwhhy ? It was a question I wanted to ask the universe so badly .Why was I constantly being put in these types of situations. Was I a bad person? Was that it? Or was this divine retribution for my past mistakes. I didn't understand why it kept happening to me over and over again . When was this punishment going to end ?

Unfortunately I remembered everything that happened yesterday. The sexy dance, kissing Namjoon and threatening my friend in front of BTS members. Damn , I wish I could fly back to my country and never face them again.

I have done a lot of crazy things in my life, some are too wild for me to mention here but I have never been this embarrassed. What could I say to explain myself? I disrespected his personal space and to make matters worse I kissed him. I kissed Kim Namjoon . Do you have any idea what that means? This is why they don't trust people . Because of this type of behaviour.

If I apologize to him, will he forgive me? I thought of apologizing yesterday but I couldn't. Do I have to apologize though? I mean I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing. I could blame it on the alcohol. Normally I wouldn't do something like this. The alcohol made me do it.

" Stop lying Avah you know what you did" I scolded myself. The right and ethical thing to do is to apologize. However facing him was another issue. I don't think I could face him. After all that's happened...nooo. I remember everything that happened, so how could I face him with a straight face.

If I was allowed to die early , like right this minute,I would have embraced death without a second thought. After all, I have already achieved most of my dreams, travelled the world, loved my family and the hardest goal was to meet BTS and I did. I would have died happy and relaxed. Unfortunately I'm still young and I have a long way to go.

Let us rewind a bit.... back to the alleged kiss. I don't know what took control over my body. Maybe it was liquid courage, because normally I don't go around kissing people without their consent. Especially strangers. Even though I know Namjoon, I only knew what everyone else knows . I only knew what we were shown as his fans. What he was comfortable putting out there.

Although it was a little bit of him, I still love it. However when we actually think about it, Namjoon was a total stranger to me. A stranger I knew bits and pieces of . Sorry Namjoon but it's true.

However I wanted to know the real Namjoon. Behind the gentle giant, behind his clumsiness, behind being a leader and the chosen president of the Army . I wanted to meet the raw , unfiltered side of Namjoon. I wish to get to see him but I was also terrified of seeing him. Does that make any sense? No it doesn't and neither does my life at the moment.

I got out of bed and took a quick shower. I didn't sing and dance as I usually do as I had a lot on my mind .I dressed in an oversized hoodie that reached my thighs and some shorts.

" Let's go for a walk" I decided

Instead of staying in the room all day, some sun might help me forget my problems. What if I bumped into you know who again? I brushed the thought away quickly. Well it was a possibility but a one in a million chance .

I locked my room and got into the elevator. The doors were closing until they started to open again. I thought the elevator had a problem so I pressed the close doors buttons but it opened again.

I was getting annoyed. Why was it opening and closing? Does it think I had all day! I wanted to curse out loud but stopped myself when I saw Namjoon get in the elevator. Fuck! I have the worst luck. I haven't memorized the words I was going to say. Now we were in the elevator together....alone. The stupid thing closed and started to go down.

The air around us felt thick and warm. I almost felt like I couldn't breathe. The awkwardness was all over. I didn't know if I should talk to him or I should wait for him to talk to me.

The elevator jacked all of a sudden and stopped , immediately sending me forward. I also hit the door with my forehead.

" What was that?" I asked no-one in particular.

" Something must be wrong with the elevator " he answered smoothly

" Like what ?" I asked while I swallowed a lump of saliva

" The electricity might be out or a fault in the wires. It could be anything though" he answered

" You are as smart as they say you are" I whispered to myself

" Thank you"

I span too quickly to look at him.

" How did you hear me? I wasn't that loud"

" If we were outside, I wouldn't have heard you but you forget we are in an enclosed space"

" Ooh yah" I laughed awkwardly.

The awkward energy surrounded us again. I was silent and so was he.

[Hello everyone, I am sorry for the inconvenience but there has been a problem with our elevator. We will fix it as soon as possible so do not be alarmed. Please be calm and exercise caution. Thank you]

The announcement did nothing to elevate my fear. I thought we would be stuck for ten minutes at most and we will be out but it will be longer than that. I started to feel hot all over. I almost removed my hoodie but then I remembered I had nothing but a bra underneath. My hands and my forehead started to sweat. Then my hands started to shake.

I was panicking. I wanted out of this suffocating thing. Every time I looked around I felt like the space was getting smaller and smaller. I was afraid of getting squeezed to death . As I tried to keep up with the million thoughts in my head I felt a hand take mine.

" You will be okay" he tried assuring me

" How do you know?" I asked with a panicked face

" Because I'll be here with you the whole time"

" So we are going to get squeezed to death together" I trembled at the thought

" That won't happen"

He tried to reassure me and it worked for a while, that was until I looked around again. My heart started beating so fast I could hear it.

" Why is this elevator smaller than last time" I cried out

" No it's not. Avah look at me!"

" It is.......we are going to die here Namjoon "

" Avah! Avah" he called out again

I was so far into my mind that I couldn't hear him. I was trembling so bad that I was physically shaking.

" Get me out of here please " I begged

Immediately I stopped talking the elevator jacked again. This time I grabbed onto Namjoon. I felt like I was going to die. I couldn't stop my fears from coming to the surface. I felt a single tear drip down my eyes. As I was wallowing in my fears, Namjoon placed his hand on my chin and pushed me upwards before the pressed his lips on mine.

I was surprised but I didn't care. His kiss made the voices go lower and lower until only we remained. I licked his bottom lip making him groan.