Chapter One
Maybe I should go to the bar with her. It's one of those impulsive thoughts that bubble up in your head until they burn you out. My dark eyes followed Jessie's movements intently, the sweet scent of perfume intoxicating the room as she entered and exhaling the bathroom. The book in my hands was part of this comfortable evening scene I had created for myself. This is how I've been spending my time since I moved into the small apartment we share.
The world scares me. That's what I think when my eyes find the view beyond the window. The icy blue sky of this day becomes black and mysterious in the blink of an eye. Suddenly the mystery of the night frightens me, the darkness chills me, and tomorrow becomes as uncertain as yesterday. Maybe I should just forget about it and get into these exciting pages I hold in my hands, the cover as fragile and patched as its owner.
It's depressing, all this is still fresh despite the change in reality. The lights of the New York buildings seem to lose their shine and everything seems too much, seems new. The new scares me, but in this case, it is my best way out.
"Dakota…you should come with me. Angela and Lydia would love to see you." Jessie looks at me, her brown skin touched up with simple makeup, her body clad in the thin fabric of her black evening gown, the dark curls of her hair flowing down her back. She glowed with an elegant and sensual beauty. I allowed myself to blink slowly at her, showing my admiration for the result. "I know, I love this dress..." She said as she struck a pose and smiled. I smiled back, my hand automatically touching my new bangs, which I cut myself a few months ago in an attempt to change everything around me, telling myself that changing something in my appearance would make everything more real. And God, I've never felt more beautiful and free than I do now. I analyze Jessie's face, her rational statement is only a suggestion as she considers my state of indifference. She was always like that: respectful of my personal space, phrases or invitations based on an interest other than hers. That's what made me love her the most. "I like your bangs, they're very sexy. It goes with your long hair." I laugh and thank her, feeling much better. I take a deep breath and look at my part of the closet, doubt stirring in my stomach. "I know it's still hard, but I'm your family now. I also know that you like to have your space and be by yourself, but I can see that you're not completely well, so maybe it would be good for you to go away, for us. Besides... who knows, you might find an interesting man out there?"
"Not likely." I answer, rolling my eyes. "Men can be anything but interesting, that part is up to us women."
"Okay, let's make a bet with no reward." I see an evil look on her face and hope for the worst. "If you don't find someone you're attracted to, we'll go home without anything new to talk about, but if you do... promise me you won't put on the brakes."
Jessie's lips form a smile, the bet seems simple and unlikely, so I agree. My feet touch the floor and I feel alive with a new purpose. I choose a red dress that hugs my waist perfectly, my eyes gazing into the mirror with pleasure, expecting that the fabric next to my skin would be fuel for my lust... In the bathroom, I feel completely alone, me and the dress in a conspiracy for this unpredictable night. Holding it between my hands, I begin to fantasize. I didn't have this freedom before, let alone the prospect of being free to go out on a night like this. Maybe this is part of the reason for my loneliness, sometimes friendships and even myself are not enough.
The loneliness of a woman in a world where affection is sometimes denied in a relationship leaves us alone, the feeling of giving all of oneself and receiving nothing in return is painful, and for this reason, I refrain from this pain. But nothing changes the fact that my body feels this emptiness, this desire for another touch besides my own, even if I am satisfied with it for the moment. I look at my naked body in the mirror and enjoy what I see, my fingers touch the white skin, the neck, the curve of my middle breasts, and the flat belly where my uterus vibrates alive, I feel that my touch is good, but it tires me sometimes, I wish someone could see me now, take advantage of it, discover with me the parts I like best, I could lead him to the right places. I take a deep breath as my eyes stare into each other as I wake up from this reverie. I laugh softly as I dress in the scarlet color, the tight-fitting fabric hugging my not-so-obvious curves, yet I feel glorious.
I look for my phone, and when I see a notification from a Web site that reminds me of a familiar name: Adrien Moser, CEO of Moser. As I recall, he is one of the most recognizable names these days, along with his father and owner of the Moser company, Mads Moser. The fact was that my knowledge of the appearance, personality and achievements of these men was superficial, I had never seen them, and tomorrow would be the day I could make myself aware of this. Not now, is a moment of leisure that I would allow myself. I put my cell phone away and concentrated on my new goal.
"You are...gorgeous!" Jessie says as she organizes her bag. I comb my hair, leaving the wavy strands at the ends of my back. On my face, I wear only concealer to hide my tiredness, mascara, and creamy wine lipstick.
"Tomorrow is a big day, you know... Can we get back early?" I said as we got into the taxi. Tomorrow was going to be my first day of work at that multinational company associated with a digital shopping site. "Moser" is everyone's dream, it is a company known for its professionalism and organization, etiquette and privacy are also very important to the company. The assistant position is already a wonderful step for someone who is looking for stability, guarantee and money. Everything I need most right now. Jessie smiled softly and nodded her head positively. I smiled in return as I closed the car door.
Lights reflect off the window as part of a mad illusion. The city is big, people are walking in search of their nocturnal adventures or even to return home, they are just blurred faces in my field of vision. Everyone seems to be living life, why don't I feel the same way? I seem to be inert in a part of the world where I am not satisfied, where I feel nothing but myself and my anguish. I am young, but life seems to have stabbed me from an early age with its mental games. Suddenly the streets of New York seem to have the oxygen I need. Everything is somehow superfluous, but I can feel it vibrating, at least it vibrates, and that is enough. The lights that dance in front of my eyes are like a memory of youth that wants to be lived, I dare to open this door and discover what awaits me behind it.
The place is cozy, and the music with jazz tones and sensual melody is the first thing I notice. It is a dark room, but the right places are illuminated by warm lights, candles in modern chandeliers, and gold and black are the main colors of the room. It is a spacious place, in the back there is the bar, its wide counter with high stools embedded in the floor. I am surrounded by the energy of the place, people with different faces and bodies seem to be looking for the same things. I don't judge them, because curiosity is also a friendly figure for me. I walk right behind Jessie, eyes staring at me as I somehow get into her field of vision, but they linger in a way I am not used to. I like it and feel no guilt, it is so strong that it must be right. I feel the fabric adjust to my body as I walk, everything there seems to have been made in lust and expectation, the people look free and at ease, as if the shadow of the night hides them and the warm lights are the beacon that reveals their masks.
I feel a shiver run down my spine, perhaps a warning of what was to come.