Forgiveness and Understanding

I just stared at him. This was all so new to me, and it seemed barbaric but romantic at the same time. I said, “I didn’t expect it at all, I am so angry with you I can’t hardly control it. I don’t want to be so angry with you, but I can’t get a handle on it.” Lucian said, “That is your wolf side. You let her out last night and all of your emotions are heightened. It will calm down with time, the easiest way is to replace it with better emotions.” I replied, and said, “I don’t know how to do that when I want to cut your throat.” He laughed but I wasn’t kidding. He said, “When I marked you, we should’ve been linked. You would have heard my thoughts and I could hear yours, but you blocked me. That is rare and that means you are very strong.” I said, “I could hear you, but it was like your thoughts were floating around me, not in my head. I didn’t hear you until I gave up and drown.” When I said that it made Lucian upset, and he jumped up. He said, “Don’t say shit like that.” I said, “What, that I drown or that I gave up?” I was being a bit facetious, but I also meant it at the same time. I wanted him to know how hurt I was. He just looked at me. He said, “Let’s go for a ride.” Part of me wanted to leave and go home. I was missing my kids and the typical chaos at home but part of me wanted to be like we were before he bit me. I nodded my head, ok and I put on my shoes, and we went outside but we didn’t get on the bike. He had two horses tied to a post waiting for us.

I looked at him and said, “I haven’t ridden a horse since I was a teenager.” He said “Well let’s see if you remember how? But what he didn’t know is that I used to race horses and so this made me laugh. If felt good to laugh. He was right, I needed to replace the anger. He said I will take the Paint he is hard to handle. I instantly grabbed the Paint and got on. Lucian laughed and said, “You never fail to surprise me.” Lucian makes me feel young again and I am doing things I missed so much.

We rode the horses past the dam and into the woods. We rode for about an hour in silence. We came to a clearing with some huge flat rocks and got off our horses. I found a large shade tree and put the horses under it. Lucian pointed to the largest rock, and he helped me on it. When I looked down the rock had white markings, they were Native markings. Lucian said this place is spiritual and if you lay on the rock under the moon, you have clarity, and our verbal history says a sky woman or angel will come to visit you. I said, “I thought you were from the North clans, is that right? He said, “Yes but some of us are still very united and have the same beliefs and ceremonies. We also share members of our clan with each other” The moon was out and just as bright as the night before. I laid on the rock. Lucian got off of the rock and stayed by me. The rock felt warm from the sun. I could hear ringing in my ears that blended into a low hum. I closed my eyes. I felt very light and went into a dream state. I was walking into a room, and I looked into a mirror, and I was glowing white, then I realized it wasn’t me but my mother looking at me. I heard a voice saying “Child, I’m not where you think I am. You are discovering many things; listen to the Black wolf he is your mate.” I then felt a sensation and felt as if I was floating. I opened my eyes and I fell onto the rock. Lucian jumped up and sat me up. He asked, “Are you ok, you started hovering above the rock and singing but I could barely hear you.” I said, “I was singing?” He said, “Yes some old chants, maybe I don't know, do you know them?” I said, “I have no idea what you are talking about. I saw myself in a mirror and then realized it was my mother and she was glowing white. She said I’m not where you think I am, and the Black wolf is your mate.” Lucian helped me down from the rock. As he set me on the ground, he kissed me. I gave in and kissed him and there was that spark, just like the first time we met. The mark on my should throbbed when we kissed but it felt good this time. I grazed Lucian's jeans with my leg and I could feel him getting aroused. I put my hand right on his cock through his pants and he moved hand away. He made me feel smaller, like I could allow someone else to lead for a change. I kissed him again and he held my face in his hands and looked into my eyes and I looked away. He gently took my chin and moved my face back and I was going to say I was sorry and he kissed me. So deep and meaningful that I lost myself in him. At that moment all I wanted to do was to please him. I reached down to unzip his pants. He was swollen and I was so wet just thinking of him inside me. I knelt down and released his cock, grasping it with both hands. I pushed Lucian against the rock, and started stroking and sucking the tip of his cock, it made me gag it was so long and wide, but I continued to lick it from the base to the head. His hands rested on my head and back, he tried to massage me but his hands were limp. I could feel him build up and I put my mouth over the tip, and he released in my mouth. I swallowed and swallowed and sucked until his cock was clean repeatedly, it was so much cum. He helped me up and swung me around against the rock to kiss me and said “You amaze me and drive me insane. My animal wants to come out when I am with you.” I asked, “Can that happen, do our wolves come out and do it?” Lucian laughed and said, “Absolutely! Why don’t you think I want to go hunting with you?” I said, “Oh!”

We got back on the horses and rode back at full speed; the moonlight was so bright, and the lake was beautiful. We got back to the lake house and decided to eat some more. While I was eating a sandwich Lucian asked “Is there anything I can clarify or that you need to understand? I don’t want to repeat last night.” I said “Well, my mark? Mark, is it?” and Lucian nodded his head, “It feels good now when we kiss. What does it mean exactly. I know the mate thing but is it permanent what does it do?” Lucian said, “Its just a mark until the other mate marks them back so they both are marked.” I said, “Oh and is that a natural feeling to do so or is it a decision.” Lucian looked me in the eyes and said, “Its both, you will feel an overwhelming urge to mark your mate, but you will know its then permanent until one of us dies.” I said, “What if I don’t feel that, will that make you feel bad or not wanted, this is so complicated.” He said “No, I would wait for you to the end of time but if and when you mark me our relationship does to a higher level, spiritually, sexually, even just day to day its magical. Its something humans would never experience. It will also mean a great deal to my pack.” I looked at him, and asked, “If I change into my animal form again, does it hurt to change every time.” He nodded and said, “Yes it hurts every time, but you get used to it and it gets faster. You just change and its part of it. Some wolves say they even like the feeling. You were the most stunning wolf I have ever seen. Your fur is almost translucent, I can’t describe it as white even. Your eyes are like a light blue laser. Your wolf is a rare one and you need to know that.” I asked, “Why does that matter?” Lucian grabbed my hands and said “Because you are then valuable to others and in some ways in a bad way, they would want you for themselves or use you in rituals. When you were on the flat rock, what you heard about your mother, I believe she died in a ritual. Do you know anything about that.” I didn’t answer and I was starting to feel overwhelmed. My mind kept flashing between thoughts of mother and my children. I asked, “Is the Black wolf you?” He gently caressed my cheek and said, “That’s for you to know and feel, I can’t tell you if its’ me or not but I will tell you it would be someone from my clan because we are the “Black wolves” and our clans have crossed before, generations ago. The proof is at your church at the cemetary."