24- James, you are so lucky

I grew up with bumps and scraped knees from running around in the garden and playing tricks with my cousins. I loved running, always running, running a lot, running quickly towards my sister's room through the halls because my uncle wanted to hit me after I stained all the walls of the house with smiley face stamps, running those same long halls scared at night to my mom's room because after going to the bathroom I had imagined that a monster was hiding in the shower, running and running again in my memories, floating over fresh tears, wanting to go back. Now that my heart beats with peace and calm and my grandfather holds onto joy and youth with his presence, I feel back at the beginning of the flowers, inside the lotus, in the depths of the water. And in those waters that bring forth nature and beauty, I discover that now Psique belongs to this place where the house of my childhood lies. She, who fell in love with the city of Los Angeles long before she even knew it, shared with me the love for this city.

I have noticed that when I start writing about Rocío I can't stop, every ellipsis, comma and accent represents a part of our story. Since we became girlfriends, my writing blossoms like a field of poppies under an infinite storm. She hides in every temptation, secret and unconfessed desire, in every change of position to feel her better, to inundate her better with my water. I resist stopping her from living within my accents, every word I create around her turns my hands into instruments that bring forth prosperity, gentleness, beauty and grace, every adornment that surrounds her hair.

I continue writing that night because, as my name indicates, when Vicki comes to me, I let myself be enveloped by her kindly.

November Secret

Hello November, on this vibrant and peaceful night, I want to thank you. Thank you for my family, my home, for the presence of Mommy, my sister, and my grandfather, and of course, my uncle Jesús, Dad's youngest son, thank you for my mother and father. I want to thank you for allowing me to travel abundantly and freely to meet my beloved Psique, for every second that I give love and feel loved. Thank you for the tenderness that surrounds me with Luna's licks and her joyful barks, thank you for my beauty and the freshness that fills my body, my movement, and my mind, which remains open to continuous learning. I must confess, beloved November, that finally, after 20 years of life, I am in love. Psique is my first love, it is a love different from what I had experienced before her. I love her so much that I could donate an organ to her or commit a crime just to protect her. I could sacrifice this gratitude that I now offer you in exchange for her happiness. Tonight, I do not want to fall asleep without telling you, November, that I dreamed of loving like this for a long time. Since I was a child, I wished to feel what it was like to love and be loved, and now finally, thanks to my beloved Psique, I know. She loves me in a way that makes me forget who I used to be and value everything I have. These past few days, I wake up in you wishing to wake up in her, the distance between us becomes as light as a song thanks to our love. When I met her and went to prison for her that night, I didn't know if I would go crazy in the cell because I considered it immoral, or because I would leave that place without even knowing her name. Now I know everything about her, and I am amazed every day as I continue to get to know her. I know that sometimes you have to let go of the past because life changes like a snake shedding its skin. Sometimes, loving is also knowing when to say goodbye, to give thanks, and honor that love by continuing on your own path. At this very moment, our paths have united Psique and me, I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her, messing up my hair between her hands and climbing up her belly and ribs to kiss her neck and celebrate her grace with a kiss on the lips. Now Psique remains static in my mind, she glides through my life and teaches me new formulas to conjure love through sacrifice, understanding, and tenderness. We are so different, but when we make love, my atoms merge with hers, and all we are is one body full of love.

When I travel back to New York, and she returns to San Juan de Los Morros, we will no longer be covered under the blanket of the city of Los Angeles, united in the same city. She doesn't know it but I confess it to her with every kilometer I travel to be close to her, in every hour and second that make up the month of November, in every silence between her kisses and my smiles, every accomplice I find in life hears me and keeps this secret, how much I love her, how she makes me feel. It's only with her that I desire to go to the end of the world. She doesn't compare to any other precious stone, she simply takes the bad in me and transmutes and heals it, my body has healed, my eating disorders are just dust on old memories, which she cleans and transmutes into beauty, gratitude, and nourishment. She nourishes me with her love, she nourishes me with her words and with our dinner outings that fill my heart and make my hair grow. When James kisses my cheeks, the world stops in the softness of his lips touching my skin, she makes me feel perfect, with my hair flowing in the wind, hands on the wheel, and a soundtrack that makes me think of her.

Maybe she thinks I have taken her heart and fears that I will break it into crumbs falling to the ground like breadcrumbs, but that's not true, that will never happen, I will never hurt her. I don't want to cause her more pain, but to heal the pain that drugs and addictions haven't been able to take away from her life, I desire to take her tears and freeze them, sew them one by one into the strands of her silky hair, and wear them around my neck like a beautiful necklace. In that way, I will forever watch over her, so that no tear from her eyes will ever fall again.

The next morning, I met Psique, my beloved Ro. From very early that morning, my heart was racing like the foam of the sea, which stirs on its way to the rocks, hoping to break on the sand that shelters the turtles, feeling out the sea. Waiting for her, Rocío picked me up in her car at my grandfather's house. I left that morning wrapped in cream baths, musky scents of vanilla and French perfume, and a pink knitted hat framing my face. I applied pink tones to my eyes and straightened my hair, letting it fall straight and long until the end of my waist.

I entered Psique's car, the Hummer SUV that made me feel rich and fortunate, and I greeted her with a light kiss on the lips. She took my silky hair in her hands and brought my face back to hers, then kissed my cheeks and I felt my whole body consumed and evaporated in the touch of her hands. I observed the moles on her neck when she was so close to me, I detailed every mole that enveloped her skin. And her breasts, perfectly fitted in her bra, showcased gentle pieces of her beauty under her satin-colored blouse.

I missed you so much, my skinny one - she whispered. She looked stunning with a silk trench coat wrapping her neck and a jacket to protect her from the cold winds of the highlands, while we were in the mountains.