Chapter 6
" If You Can't Do
Anything about it tHeN let it go. Don't Be a prisoner to things You can't change"
Tony Gaskins
Growing up without your mother by your side was certainly the hardest thing in life, but like the phrase says" if you can't do anything about it then let it go" this quote is true and right but it was so wrong for me. I could never let go of the fact that our mother abandoned us. It was really hard for me to accept the truth and move on..
it was like I was stuck there at that moment but I still moved on cause I knew somewhere this truth will always be my shadow and it will be following me. But still I knew I had to move on..
move on with the family I had been left with i.e. my father, brother and grand dad, move on to live a healthy life..
move on to complete my school.. moving on was the right thing to do for me but I also knew deep down that moving on would be the hardest for me.
I could never move on.. I was stuck in that deep dark hole but still I kept on living with the truth.Time went by living with my now so called half incomplete family...Somewhere I was glad that my father and brother was there for me...I was glad that my grandfather loved me more than my other cousins...
I was glad that I had my grand aunt caring for me...I was glad that I had them with me.
They were the ones who were there for me in my tough times.They were ones who cared for me when I got sick...they were the ones who helped me with my studies and I was happy with that, at least I had them with me!
In the small age I had suffered a big trauma but getting recovered from that incident was the toughest thing for me.Even while growing up I felt like a part of my life was missing and at times I felt empty. I mean no matter how much you are surrounded by the people who loves you or whomever you love.." A mother's love, care and affection cannot be replaced".. nobody can love you like your mother does.
A mother has a special place in a child's life... She completes you. So it was the same for me no matter who loved me, cared for me...I was still longing for my mother's love.Even though I longed for my mother and missed her all the time... I kept on living my life playing, laughing, smiling, dancing and studying...like nothing had happened and everything was fine within my family and our lives.
I never stopped doing things that made me happy and alive. I was a very sharp and talented girl and good at studies I used to pass my exams with flying colours, passionate about
dancing, participating in school functions or competition was my regular thing. Even when I used to be at home I used to dance a lot it was my passion and it kept me alive!
Besides dancing, watching movies was also my favourite. I used to watch every new movie that got released in either Hollywood or Bollywood I used to watch them all. My
naughtiness never stopped. I was still that naughty girl I used to be. I never let that incident stop me from living a happy life.
But you see no matter how happy I was there were still some things that used to hurt me
and I used to remember I don't have what others have for their mother's love and support.
Whenever I use to see my friend's or cousin's mother loving them, caring for them I used to feel hurt. I used to feel empty and the reality would come crashing down and it used to make me cry for my mother's love and longing.
Even though we would meet on weekends or talk on the phone it was not like having your mother with you and I used to realise that each and every day in my life. Mother's play a very important role in a child's life especially when they are growing up!
Though I had my father with me, it was not like having your mother close to you. Especially for a girl having a mother by her side is most important it is she who becomes your friend, it is she who teaches a daughter about things that father cannot teach or open up but you see it was not her who taught me these things a girl should know... it was my cousin elder sister or my grand aunt.
She was not there for me while my cousin's and friends had their mother's to teach them and I grew up everyday realising this fact. But life has to go on.. no matter how much the truth haunts you... life has to go on!
Fine, I accepted the truth that my mother abandoned us...That she won't be there with us anymore, accepting the reality we were living a good life. But...but no life had another game up his sleeves and was planning to play with our lives.
A change of air was coming towards us which would completely change our lives.A darkness was following us as if one gloominess was not enough for us to swallow another was following like a black cloud and this morose and change of air would be the one to completely destroy our remaining happy life and what was remaining of my so called family!
When I was ready to forget and forgive everything and keep on living my life like a normal girl..like nothing had happened in my life but no I still had other pain and sufferings to go through which would completely I mean completely change me and my life forever which would leave me bruised, battered and shattered.
This incident was nothing compared to my mom abandoning me.. this was the incident that was going to break me throughout my life..this was the incident from where I knew fate can be so cruel and unforgiven...this was the incident that was leading me to the path of destruction... This was the incident where a once good girl turned into a rebellious girl.
And this was the incident that made me think I was a cursed child forever even more!
The Beginning Of The Cruel Fate
?Aiyla PoV?
"Behind my smile is a broken heart
Behind my laugh I'm falling apart Behind my eyes are tears at night Behind my body is a soul trying to fight"
My cursed fate began from the day my dad got married to a woman named Polly, a woman who was already married before and got divorced just like my dad. Somehow my dad thought me and my brother Rylan needed a so-called mother to look after us cause he alone was not able to look after us.
It was a joke people were laughing behind our back cause my so called dad was getting married again but what I did not know was from this day onwards my life was going to take whole 90 degree angle change, from this day onward my life was going to turn into hell and complete nightmare...from this day onwards my cursed fate would began.
This was the day everything in our lives changed and it was nothing what we went through in the past.This was the very same day that left me shattered, maimed and brittle for my entire lives.
This was the beginning of my "CuRsEd FaTe"
I was young and naive when my dad married again and bought a so-called mother but I was happy for him. I was so callow to think that she would be a good mother and would for once we will be getting a mother's love.. ya right!
So so fucking stupid and ignorant of to think that. Hey, but what can I say I was just a young and innocent girl craving for a mother's love...was it wrong for me to think like that...that she would be the person who would love and care for us and fill that void we had in our life and heart.
Was it so wrong for me to be so naive to think that she would be the mother that we were craving for while growing up.
Was it so wrong to think that finally finally our family was going to be whole again but I was just so so stupid to think out of the box.
Then there was my brother who I guess already understood that she was not going to be a mother we expected her to be. I remember him telling me not to call her a "mom" because she is and was never going to be our mom that we wanted her to be. I remember he never use to call her a mom no matter how my elders tell and scold him to call her a mom.
I guess somewhere deep down he knew she was not the person she was claiming to be. "Later I found out she is exactly not the mother type".Then I understood what my brother was telling me all the time...by the time I realised my life had already turned upside down.
For some time we were living a normal life, healthy and happy life. My dad was happy again that he had someone with him, happy that his children had someone who would love and
care for them but what my dad did not was everything was an illusion " a fragment which was completely going to ruin our lives" .
He was living in his own bubble land that he was not aware of the storm that was waiting for him and us that was going to collide and take everything we had with it. I remember my grandfather never approved of this marriage. He was so against it...but it wasn't only him, even his friends and other family members warned him and told him to think about his decision twice and thrice but he was so adamant that he did not listen to anyone.
I was just so young that I did not understand anything why everyone was warning him..me being innocent I was so happy that I was getting a mother and being a child how I did not think of anything well that's what you call right a child with an innocent and naive brain.
Like I said everybody warned my father about this so-called woman whom he was going to get married to but I guess he was thinking from his dick. He did not want to keep his dick in his pants rather than having a mother for us. That's right when a man thinks from his dick rather than using his brain there are consequences which you have to heavily suffer along with... his children or other family members suffer as well.
Though there was an emptiness in our lives, we were happy with our lives. But no my father just could not live without having his dick shove into some pussy.There is a saying in Hindi religion" That parent's are created by God because they cannot be everywhere that's why The God created parent's" so the children can feel safe and protected in their presence"
Well for me this saying and this phrase is bullshit!
Family was supposed to be our safe haven where your parents are supposed to protect you and keep you safe "that's why God created parent's" but mine was the exact opposite. But I guess no one thought that woman would turn out to be a witch, an evil selfish woman.
Hell! I did not think that woman would be so cunning and full of malicious thoughts. She was all goody shoes at first trying to impress every family in the house, trying to impress me and my brother. She presented herself as a good woman who would look after two children abandoned by their mother. But there was a different and bitter truth about her nature: she was not the nice person she was trying to be. She was a pure evil in the disguise of a human.
" The ugliest thing that I have ever seen is
A human being Without compassion"
She is exactly that sort of person and this Quote describes her personality. She should not even be called a human being.. She is the pathetic excuse of a human and a pathetic excuse of trying to be so called fucking "mother".
Hell! she should not have been called even a "mother"