Renewed

Sandra

When I woke up and saw the box I was overjoyed. I opened it and started to fold my clothes, placing them in the dresser. I don't know how long I will be staying here but I didn't want to just leave my clothes in that box. I pulled out my books and laid them on the bedside table. A few other odds and ends also found their place in the room. The room no longer felt like a cage. It now made me believe I could be truly free. I still had a bit of sadness inside me, for Ryan. I don't understand why. I had spent a long time with him. After everything he put me through how could I care at all? I shook off the feeling and kept digging into the box. I pulled out the shoe box and felt tears threaten to fall from my eyes. I never thought I would see this box again. I decided not to open it and slid it under the bed. I did not need to bring myself to that level of tears. I missed my father every day. He was my first hero. He kept everything together after my mother took off when I was little. She ran off with one of my dad's boxing buddies from the gym. I hadn't seen her since and I never wanted to again. She was the reason I went by Sandra when I became an adult. After my father died, I decided I never wanted her to look for me. I legally changed my name when I left for new york. Only those in Ohio called me Elizabeth. My father had never really called me that name either. It was my mother's name, and he wasn't a fan, understandably. Sandra was my grandmother's name. I remember her fondly from when I was a child. My father's Mom, she passed away while I was still young. I remember she always baked me cookies and shit like grandmother's are supposed to. It wasn't my name but my father called me it anyway. I can remember him telling me that I looked like her. "You look so much like her Sand, LIke her long-lost twin." In his eyes, I would always see his fond memories of his childhood dance around. The last thing in the box was my make-up bag. I opened it up. The cover-up. The lies. I threw it in the drawer and walked into the bathroom.

"Miss Sandra?" I heard the woman's voice again she was tapping on the bathroom door. "I'll be out in a second." I finished washing my face and brushed my teeth. When I opened the door she was patiently waiting. She was an older woman with a tight bun on her head. She wore thin-framed glasses and an apron of sorts. Her face was welcoming. She smiled at me in a way that reminded me of my grandma, or it was because I was just thinking of her, either way, the woman was very welcoming. " Hello dear, I am Miss Janet, I am here to see if you need any clean linens. I have brought back your dirty laundry. Where would you like me to put it?" I told her to just lay them on the bed and I would take care of it. She did as I asked. "Where is the laundry room? You don't need to do my laundry Miss Janet, I can do that." My question seemed to puzzle her. She started to explain to me that she was the caretaker of sorts for the country house. She also worked in the townhouse. She started to make my bed. " Dear Sandra, I enjoy working for" she paused. I figured she had been told not to say names. I smiled at her, " I understand Miss Janet, I call him Smoke, I appreciate that you enjoy your job." She smiled at me relieved that I hadn't made her finish her uncomfortable sentence. She finished making my bed, took the dirty clothes from my bathroom, and headed out of my room. I decided to walk down to the kitchen. I was starting to get hungry.

"Good Morning Sandra!" Henry's voice echoed through the hall. I walked into the kitchen and the smell of bacon pushed my hunger level up to 10. I glanced toward Smoke's office. "He isn't here. He left with Zeus early to go get more information we need. He said to tell you they would be back later this afternoon." I felt sudden disappointment but I chose to ignore it. "Just me and you then, Henry?" He smiled and nodded at me. He sat me down on a plate with a full farmer's breakfast. Bacon, eggs, biscuits, potatoes, and beside it he sat a small bowl of gravy. He then spun back around with a coffee. "Breakfast is served." He seemed very proud of himself. He served himself, sitting down across from me. The conversation between us was light. He told me how he loved to cook and Miss Janet happily allowed him to take over when he was trying to get sober. "I baked like fucking Martha Stewart for weeks." He said laughing, "The guys had to spend extra time in the gym, Mighty told me if he gained any more weight he was going to lock me in the iron room." He smiled fondly at the memory of his friend. My heart sank knowing that Ryan had taken him away from them. He noticed my sadness and stood up, he walked over to me and knelt. "Sandra, none of what he has done is your fault, we all know that." he took a deep breath and smiled. "You were just surviving like the rest of us." He stood up and took our dishes to the sink. Before I could speak up, he had already started washing the dishes. I decided to leave him to his memories.

I walked to the front door. The two guards standing there still made me a little bit comfortable. I looked up and smiled at them. "May I go outside, I could use some fresh air?" I felt like a child when standing next to these men. No one ever said their names. I looked up at the taller one. No one answered me. I heard him say something to himself. He turned to the door and ushered me outside. "Follow." That was the first time I had heard one speak. I walked out behind him. He was a completely bald man. He had bright green eyes. He kinda looked like the Hulk. I giggled to myself and he glanced at me. I hadn't seen the outside. The porch was quite beautiful, surrounded by flowers, and a wrap-around porch. I sat down on the porch swing and closed my eyes. I could hear the birds chirping. I could hear bees buzzing around the flowers. I looked up and the guard was still standing there staring off in front of him. My curiosity got the best of me. "My name is Sandra, what's yours?" I smiled up at him. He didn't answer at first. His stance relaxed some, "Jay." He didn't look at me. "It's very nice to meet you, Jay." I got up and held out my hand. He started to reach out his hand to shake mine when we heard tires coming up the gravel driveway. He dropped it immediately. I put my hand down awkwardly.

I saw a black SUV pull into the driveway. One of the guards I had seen the first night got out of the driver's seat. I looked at Jay, he was standing still again like a statue. This guy I assume is one of the higher-ups. I watched as he opened each door. When Smoke got out he looked at me and quickly looked away. Weird. Next, he let out Zeus, who also looked at me, he seemed almost sad to see me. What the hell is going on with these guys today? After Zeus, another man with a suit and tie got out of the back seat. He was talking quietly with Smoke as they walked up to the porch. "Hey Sandra, How are you feeling today, Can you follow us in?" Zeus didn't give me a chance to respond and just kept walking inside the house. I looked up at Jay and he just waved his arm as if to say, after you. I walked in the door. Jay followed right behind me. I could hear the hushed conversation in the kitchen fading into Smoke's office. "You told me she was going to be here safe, Boss, You said we could keep her safe." I heard Henry get a little louder and then he walked out of the office and headed down the hall. I walked to the office door and leaned up against the wall right inside. The hushed conversation stopped when Smoke looked up seeing me standing there. "Hello Darling, can you sit here in the chair?" I walked over slowly and sat down. He introduced the other man in the room as an attorney who often worked for the brotherhood. Mr. Coyan looked at me and smiled, saying hello as well. He looked pretty young to be in this position. He looked very small compared to Smoke and Zeus. Lighter red hair and some freckles across his face. "Mrs. Burd, I am here to help you get a clean break, to help you get an easy divorce and move away from this place with no fear of anyone following you wherever you choose to go. We can have this all finished in two days." He looked like he was trying to be helpful. I didn't speak. Henry storming out made more sense to me now. What I heard being said. All of it.

I felt the tears threatening to escape breathing in sharply I looked straight into Smoke's dark blue eyes. " No thank you, Mr. Coyan, I will go pack my things and be out by morning. I thought we were in this together but I was mistaken. Maybe I have become a liability." I turned and stormed out of the office. "Sandra please!" I could hear Smoke yell down the hallway but I went into the room and locked the door.