5 - A Friend

~Hannah’s Point of View~

“It’s fine, I’ve had worse,” I whisper, not sure if I’m humiliated or not. I don’t care what this Rafe person thinks of me. He thinks enough of himself clearly. Once I can get away and into the woods, I’ll be fine and never have to see him again.

“From him,” he shouts, his fist pounding on the table.

I wouldn’t say that I hate many things exactly, but I do hate pity. It’s probably a rogue thing but I never want anyone to think I’m not fully capable of taking care of myself. Though everything with my father is different. I’m vulnerable to him, I do care what he thinks. Even now, I hate that I do. Though nothing that happened was my fault I still feel the disappointment in him and it’s heavy on my heart.

“What do you care? It’s your fault Harrison is dead,” I say, balling up and turning away. Tears stream down my face and I’m unable to stop them.

The weak die, the strong survive. I know without a doubt as long as my father lives he’ll get out of here. He’s a fast talker, he can get his way with anything he wants. The thought of him getting back my brothers changes my sadness to rage.

I’ll allow myself a few minutes to feel sorry for myself, but then I’ll mostly definitely get it together. Oscar and Oliver can’t make it too long on their own and if my father gets to them first...

I hear Rafe sigh and the bed behind me dips as he sits down. It’s quiet for several minutes and I nearly laugh. It’s as if I can feel and smell the smoke billowing out of his ears.

“Did you love him,” he asks. I scoff.

“Again, what do you care? You wanted him dead, you got your wish. You’ll move on with your life without a care as to all the ones you ruined,” I simply say.

It doesn’t matter now what I felt about him. There will be a great gap in the rogue world and some other family will step into it. Life will go on and in ten years, nobody will even remember Harrison’s people. Rogues follow the strongest and even though there aren’t named Alphas, there might as well be.

“You need to get your strength back. Please eat, I’ll send our doctor in to check on you later,” he says, as he gets up to leave.

At the mention of food my stomach growls like I’ve never heard it. I eat about half of the tray, and my belly cramps in a different way. When I lay my head down, I find sleep immediately.

Tick, tick. Tick, tick.

My eyes pop open at the weird, rhythmic sound. I quickly realize I’m still at the Nightwind pack and now it's very dark outside.

Tick, tick. Tick, tick.

I sit up slowly, my body still protesting my movements and my arm is exceptionally angry with how I was laying on it. When I focus, I take in Scarlett in a rocking chair knitting like an older female would.

“Hey there, have a good catnap,” she asks, in a low voice. She’s bright and bubbly just like earlier and I’m kind of jealous. The female probably has never had to do real work a day in her life. Everything has been handed to her.

I groan and rub my neck. There’s a brief whiff of my odor and I realize a bath would be incredible.

“It was okay. Do you have a bucket handy, so that I might wash up,” I ask, since she seems like someone who knows how to get things.

She raises her eyebrow in question.

“You want to bathe … in a bucket,” she asks, as if it's the craziest thing she’s ever heard. I can tell she’s struggling not to laugh.

I shrug, wondering how else I can get clean. There’s dried blood on my face though that’s probably the least scary part of how it looks.

“We have showers, or a big bathtub. The tub in my room is AMAAAAAZING, highly recommend,” she says, nodding her approval.

Two hours later I’ve soaked in the biggest tub I’ve ever seen, had Scarlett carefully brush my hair and tell me some things about the pack. She’s already convinced herself I’m staying and since I don’t want to form any attachment to her, I kept my words short. It hurt my pride far too much to admit I wouldn’t have even been able to clean myself without her help.

I quickly realized that I’d need to stay here for a couple of weeks at minimum, if I got into the woods on my own I wouldn’t last a night. If there was a bear or something I’d have to fend off, I’d be a goner without my wolf.

So anytime you want to come on and show up my wolf … I’d appreciate it!

I haven’t really felt like a pup in years now but until I get my wolf, that’s all I am in the eyes of the world. But to my brothers, I’m everything. Their whole world.

Goddess, please let me find them somehow. Let them be okay.

“Here! These should be comfy to sleep in and this tank top should give you better mobility with your arm still in a sling,” Scarlett says, handing me some clothing.

I eye it carefully, never having seen anything so … pink.

“I can’t believe Rafe gave you his clothes! His girlfriend would lose her mind but I’d kill to see it,” Scarlett giggles.

“Rafe? Is he… your brother,” I question, wondering why I hadn’t realized it before.

“Oh yeah. I have another brother too but he’s been away for training. We’re all nothing alike though, it’s kind of crazy that we’re even related,” she says, shaking her head.

As if a bell goes off in my head, I also now understand that she too is the Alpha’s child. Meaning I need to be extremely careful what I say to her. She could very well be a spy!

“I didn’t think to ask since I really don’t even need one yet but you sure do. Do you want me to try and find you some bras? Do you know your size,” she asks, cocking her head to the side.

Rogues rarely bother with undergarments but two years ago my breasts got far too big to ignore. Still, no I don’t know sizes. Most of my clothes were hand made or … stolen. But I can’t exactly read the tags.

“That won’t be necessary. I doubt I could get one on for awhile anyhow,” I say, as I drop my towel and begin the struggle of trying to dress. It takes some time and of course Scarlett has to help me. When I get back to my room there’s a fresh tray of sandwiches and fruit that I eagerly begin to eat.

Scarlett picks up her knitting and gets right back to it as if she’d never left. I can’t decide if I want her to stay or go but it's near midnight and I’m not even close to tired. I hate unknowns, and right now that’s all my life is.

“Will your father let me go,” I ask, once I'm as comfortable as I can get in bed.

“Why would you ever want to leave? We literally have everything you could want here,” she says, as if in shock. I roll my eyes, imagining she’s never been allowed off these lands. She has no clue what is out there.

I think back over all the things that being a rogue means to me. The freedom to do as I please, hunt and gather. New adventures everyday, new places. Waterfalls, mountains, canyons. The thrill of getting a big score, knowing that we’ll be taken care of for a while.

But then I think…

Running, all I do is run. Try to get out of the very dangerous situations my father puts me in. My father. He’ll never be in my life again. I could never trust him again. Not that he’d never hit me before, but this time was vastly different.

“Ohh you know what! My fourteenth birthday party is this weekend!! I nearly forgot with everything going on. I’d love to have you there with me. Hey, how old are you anyhow,” she asks, questioning.

This evening has already been more talking with any female than I’ve done in far too long. But … I don’t think I hate it. Alpha’s daughter though, I can’t forget that!

“Rogues don’t put a lot of emphasis on their age. We don’t keep track of it all that much. I believe I’m 17, my birthday was just not that long ago. But with every full moon that passes and my wolf still doesn’t surface, I often wonder if that’s wrong. I know there’s no way to know when she’ll come but there are very few as old as me without their better half,” I whisper, making a face and then wincing at the pain it causes.

“Where’s your mother? Can’t she tell you,” she asks, as if it's not a big deal. Clearly it's obvious I don’t have one.

I could be a real jerk and claim she was killed in the raid, but that was all hardly her fault.

“She was killed when I was a baby, my father raised me and then he had my brothers. Their mother died in childbirth so I raised them,” I explain. I don’t like telling people about my business, but really hate that it feels good.

Literally no one ever asks a rogue about themselves, it’s an unspoken rule. My brothers don’t ask me much about the past, figuring it’s too sad to bring up. We’re too concerned with living day to day.

“That sucks! I’m so sorry. My parents are really great, and my brothers even though we drive each other nuts. I'd be so lost without them. I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone and I truly hope you want to make Nightwind your home,” she says, hopeful.

I can’t see her face but I know the look. She had it the whole time I was getting cleaned up. My mind wanders, and I quickly realize I need to make the most of this situation. Of my short time here. There’s a small list of things I have on my “to-do” list and certainly Scarlett can help me there.

“It’ll be awhile before I am well enough to leave, I guess I’ll see how I feel about Nightwind at that time. Do you mind helping me with some things in the meantime? I’ve never learned to read,” I say, a bit ashamed.

Rogues do not educate their females and really do a piss poor job with the male pups too. The world is about more than just survival in the forest and it took me a long time to realize that.

I hear the shuffle of her feet and then she’s leaning against the bed, looking down at me with a huge smile.

“Absolutely! I’d love to help with whatever you wanna do,” she says, patting my arm and practically cooing.

I internally snarl, hating how patronizing it feels. But I’ll suck it up for now.