Chapter 4

Oh Father

Rowan walked back through the cemetery heading to his wife's tomb. There was a joy in his heart. For the first time, he wasn't saddened by the idea of going to her tomb. Somehow he was excited to tell her about the woman he had met today, Leticia.

He got to the tomb and the ugly sight of the lilies Mrs. Cherry had dropped greeted him. Rowan picked up the flowers and took them to the nearest tombstone.

"I hope you liked lilies because my wife didn't," he whispered before dropping the flowers. The name on the tombstone coincidentally read Lily Robertson. They probably loved lilies too. So, he placed it there and moved back to his wife's resting place.

He stood there and smiled for the first time.

"I don't know if this is a sign Nessa, but I think I am finally starting to understand..." he whispered to the stone.

This morning when he woke up, the events that followed didn't let him think things through. Vanessa wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to move on. Surely she sent Leticia his way. His smile broadened as he connected the dots.

"Thank you, Nessa, even in death you still watch over me..." he said.

He kissed his hands and placed them on the tombstone one last time. Before turning around to head home. Maybe, he could finally be happy. His life could stop revolving around the very same things each day.

As he got to his car, his phone rang out for the second time that day. He checked the caller and the growing anxiety buried within him died down. It was only his secretary, Aliyah.

He connected his phone to his Bluetooth device and let the call go through as he drove home.

"Hello, Aliyah," he said his eyes focused on the road.

"Sir, I am in your house and we are about to cut the cake, where are you?" She chirped. He could hear the sound of the nursery rhyme playing in the background and that reminded him of his daughter's birthday today.

"I'll be there Aliyah," he whispered with a heavy voice.

But before he could end his call, her sharp voice filled up his car. "Sir, don't forget to buy her a little gift."

"Okay," Rowan replied pressing the end button immediately. He knew that Aliyah was only trying to be helpful as always but for some reason he found himself getting angry.

Ever since Vanessa left him, Aliyah had tried her best to stand by him. She was always there for Tessa when his mother was not around and he refused to hold the infant. Deep down, Rowan loved his child, the only problem was he felt like she was the reason why Vanessa had died. And for that, he couldn't bring himself to openly love the child. Hence his anger.

He drove straight home. The lights in the living room were still on and the music could be heard faintly from the outside. He didn't want to face anybody at that time. All he wanted was to take a long shower and sleep. Maybe if he was lucky, Vanessa would appear in his dreams again.

He was lucky to have passed the kitchen door again unnoticed. But his luck failed as he started taking the steps to move to the upper level.

"Rowan?"

Fuck! He cursed as his mother's voice rang in his ears.

"Good evening mother," he said through clenched teeth without turning to her. He was about to continue on his way hoping she wouldn't say anything but as usual, she spoke.

"So you'll just walk away? Again?" She said raising her voice simultaneously.

Rowan clenched his fist and stopped moving altogether.

"Mother, I am really tired. I need to rest."

"You are tired? For your information, Aliyah is here and she told me you didn't go to the office. So you have probably been crying away your time at Vanessa's grave! Rowan, why do you do this to yourself?" She cried out. "You have a child who is alive and well, yet you chose to waste your time on the dead!"

"Mother!" Rowan finally snapped turning to face her with a fire burning in his eyes. "Do not refer to Vanessa as the dead!" He growled.

"But she is just that! She is dead! But you give her more value than your daughter! What is wrong with you!" She spat.

Rowan wanted to give her back a reply but Aliyah appeared behind his mother with Tessa in her arms.

"Hello sir, you are home. Did you get her the gift, she is so excited!" Aliyah said bouncing Tessa who had grown happier.

"Dada!" Tessa said spreading her arms in her father's direction with excitement.

Rowan looked at the child and then at Aliyah and back at the child again as she kept calling unto him with her arms open wide. His heart was aching in his chest. Her bright blue eyes reminded him of the way the light in Nessa’s eyes had dulled out the moment she breathed her last. He couldn't do it. He couldn't hold his child.

"Rowan," his mother warned. She could feel her son wanted to walk away and it broke her heart that he couldn't bring himself to stop blaming his child for the death of his wife.

"Dada?" Tessa called as her blue eyes grew large and her lips wobbled.

Rowan turned his eyes to her again and his heart sank. He really couldn't bring himself to hold her. With one last look, Rowan turned and took the flight to the upper floor.

"Rowan what you are doing is wrong!" His mother snapped and he could hear Tessa's sobs behind him. He fisted his hands and refused to turn back. She would be fine. She didn't need him.

He got to his room and closed the door behind him as fast as he could. If only Vanessa had listened to him, they would have aborted Tessa before it got any further and his Vanessa would have still been alive. Now she was gone all thanks to Tessa, yet his mother and everyone expected him to love the little thing. How?