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Ten: Chimia

One moment, I was drunkenly yelling at Malfizan in the park, and the next, I'd been transported back to the days of my youth; to the place where I'd grown up with my grandmother, on Earth, in a forest surrounded by trees and wildflowers. The things that were happening to and around me were like white noise, like keeping a television on in the background while you worked.

But our home was not our home anymore. The great big log cabin we'd lived in together had been overrun by the forest; squirrels and cats had made their homes in various corners and alcoves. Vines and branches stretched and wrapped themselves all around every surface. The roof had caved in. The floor was rotting, and I could see inside through the front door; it was empty, cleared out. I hadn't thought about this place since the day my grandmother saw me off to Magikí Akadimía, but now, seeing what it looked like after all this time, I felt the loss like a heavy weight in my heart.

It had never occurred to me before, but I suppose it made sense that if she was gone, then the magic that had held the once mystical place aloft would have gone with her. I could still feel the energy of our shadow selves there, though. Impressions of a little bright-eyed babe and her doting, infinitely patient caregiver walking, playing, and dreaming where we had done so once. It was a version of me that hadn't existed for a very long time; one who knew magic and power as playmates, not burdens. Not a path to destruction or success. And, like this home, this place, my grandmother, she was someone I could never see again.

I knew exactly what this was; a warning. I was angry because of all that I had lost, but if I didn't get a hold of myself and my emotions soon, I stood to lose so much more. As I made this realization, the image of decay and ruin began to swim and then swirl around me, spinning into the chaos of my reality, of the mayhem unfolding in the palace gardens. That was when I lost my grip on it all and my consciousness slipped away.

All I could feel was the pain that I was causing. The way my light was blinding the city. The painful protests of the trees and flowers and the terror of the onlookers who were close enough to see what was happening.

Most of all, there was him. I couldn't find my own body or my mind but I knew his. Whatever strange connection we'd been sharing burst forth like water through a broken dam and I was consumed, as he must have been, by the ethereal flames that licked at his skin. I could hear his voice as if it came from my own soul, ripping me apart. Still, he stood, holding us both aloft. Enduring what must have been torture to keep us both alive. It felt like an eternity passed before I finally came back to my body and my energy grew quiet and still, creeping slowly back into me like even the magic itself had been injured.

I felt another set of hands on me and recognized Nero, who was able to grab me from Malfizan just before the great big giant himself fell to his knees. Terrified, I looked from him back to the fox demon and opened my mouth to speak.

"Hush, Princess," Nero whispered, his eyes focused on Malfizan. "He is alright. You both need to rest now." I whimpered, too exhausted to argue, and allowed Mal's friend to carry me up to my room.

I was bleary, heavy, and dehydrated when I woke up, later. The fox's silver hair was tied up in a bun at the back of his head, and he sat on a bench at the end of my bed. Next to him, I could make out the shape of a strangely familiar dark figure, though I couldn't quite place him. Nero spoke first.

"It didn't seem like a complete loss of control. Like she was still present, just far away. And that Malfizan survived at all is certainly testament to that. I have to admit, I've done extensive research not just on her but on enchantresses, and I thought I was prepared, but it seems your friends were correct. This is something new altogether."

"I dunno a lot about a lot, but I don't think she could kill an entire GOD, right? Like, even if she did lose control?"

I know that voice. Why can't I remembered?

Nero chuckled, turning his head a little to look at his companion, and I caught a glimpse of a sly smile. "No, she couldn't. Not intentionally. Not on her own. But his proximity to the explosion, if one happened, would--"

"Fen!" I spoke without thinking and both pairs of eyes, panicked, turned to stare at me. I reached out for him, but he slipped away and out the door.

"I'm going to get the healer," he called over his shoulder. I appreciated the concern, and even the excitement I could hear on the edge of his words now knowing that I was awake, but I was sorely disappointed that he hadn't even stopped a second to talk to me.

"When did he get here?" I asked Nero, who was looking at me with a humor I felt was misplaced. If what he was saying was true, I had nearly killed the God he was bound in servitude to. I did not deserve anything but rage and disdain from him. "Where's Mal?" I added as the events of the last two days began to return to me.

"Maybe an hour ago," he answered my first question, standing and walking around to my bedside. His demeanor was calm and pleasant and it was confusing me. "How are you feeling, Princess?" Nero felt like a doting uncle. He wasn't exactly like having a father--not that I would know, really--but he treated me like I was his family for some reason, and the effect almost made me forget that I was looking for other answers.

"I'm fine. What about Mal? I want to see him."

The fox sighed, his amber eyes darting toward the door for a moment as he laid a hand on my shoulder. "If you want me to, I will take you to him." I started to throw the blankets off of me and hoist myself up to a sitting position, but Nero wasn't done. "But please be sure that this is what you want. You have both been through a lot in a few short days. He may not be as willing to see you as you are to see him."

My heart sank, though I'd expected this. Who would want to see the girl that had almost killed them? But I needed to go to him. There was pressure on my chest and a loud, ringing voice in my head both pressing me to lay eyes on him. To be sure that he was alive, that he was okay. That I had not done irreversible damage either to his body or our...our...

Friendship? No. What were we? Coworkers? And why did I care so much? It was my power that had done all of the damage, but Malfizan had pushed me, almost like he'd wanted some kind of reaction from me. He was the one who had dumped me on the ground in a public space so we could fight in front of everyone. He was the one who--

"Alchimia What do you want to do?"

I snapped out of it and looked up at Nero. "How bad is it?" I asked, quietly, feeling small.

"Honestly? He is okay physically, but I am afraid that, emotionally, he's in a fragile place." Nero paused, sitting down beside me and putting a hand on my shoulder. "Do you fully understand what happened?"

"No, that's why I want to see him."

There was a silence, and I think Nero intended to let me mull it over or something, but I couldn't. There was something primal within me that needed to see him, had to be next to him. Nothing could stop me, no fatigue or illness, man or creature. I had no idea how to explain it or what it was; I only knew that it was what I wanted.

"Then I'll bring you to him," Nero said at last, standing and helping me to my feet. "But, Princess, you might not like what you see or hear when you arrive." I took a deep breath, knowing with absolute certainty that he was right. Malfizan would not be happy to see me. If he was conscious to know I was there at all.

"Let's go."

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