Conflicted

Conflicted

Bastian

I was so angry that I thought I might explode like a fucking bomb, taking buildings, roads, and trees with me. Shit! I was furious. Not at Electra or at my idiotic brother, who probably for the first time in his life wasn't the one to blame. I was pissed at myself. I should have known about this!

First, my PI messed up with Peter's daughter and his girlfriend, and now this? I paid him a lot of money every month to get the information I needed from him, and he failed twice in a row. I should have been aware of this!!

I was driving my motorcycle through the city, not focusing on the road at all. Since I met Electra, I've avoided adrenaline sports because I didn't want to scare her with how crazy I actually was, but I desperately needed it. I had to forget about that awful conversation and the fucked up situation. Yet I knew it wouldn't be easy. Not because of the sex part. I was well aware that my princess wasn't a virgin when I started to date her, but this was too much, even for me.

I was an open-minded and respectful person when it came to someone's preferences. Still, the woman I cared for slept with my brother, claiming that he fulfilled her fantasy. How the fuck should I live with that?

I should be the one to do that. I should be the man who would help her to discover the darkest corners of her soul, her deepest desires, things she was ashamed of but craved to try. I should be her partner, her rock, her safe haven. And I did everything in my power to accomplish that. I supported her and took care of her. I gave her what she needed. I held her in my arms almost every night when she was quietly crying from sleep. I persuaded her to work on herself in the gym, not because I didn't like her, but because it would boost her confidence and she would feel better. I intentionally forced her to have a speech in the opening because I needed her to acknowledge how amazing she was. I wanted her to see herself through my eyes.

If it went by my playbook, I wouldn't have changed one thing about her. She was perfect the way she was, but she desperately needed to move on with her life, with everything. She could start working on her dream. She could become an artist and forget this PA nonsense. I had resources and I would give her the world. All she had to do was tell me what the hell she wanted.

But, just on the contrary, instead. of building our life together, she broke my heart with one horrible statement. One fucking sentence crushed me like an annoying bug.

Ten years ago, when my relationship with Rose ended, I was devastated. I can't even describe how I was feeling. I was burning from the inside. The rage was consuming me because it was my fault that we separated our ways. And I somehow believed that I would never experience that kind of anger, shame, and disappointment with myself.

However, this was much worse. I felt like a total failure, like I was the biggest mistake in Electra's life, like I didn't do enough to be worthy of her, when in reality, all of this, what was smashing me to smithereens, happened before she even met me.

Actually, only that one thought was keeping me sane. Because if she ever slept with another man after we got together, I would have been on a killing spree right now.

Fuck! I was deep in this.

I gripped the handlebars tighter when the image of my princess and my brother appeared in front of my eyes. I knew that something wasn't right. I fucking knew it and I didn't listen to my instincts. I could have avoided this; talked to Peter; and never made Electra so afraid of what I might do that she'd told me the first thing that in her mind looked like a good idea to stop me.

See, my brain was working properly. The healthy part of me knew that I was overreacting, but the crazy part, which was in control, demanded an explanation. And only one man could provide that.

Maybe if Peter confirmed Electra's words that they didn't rape her and that she agreed with it, I would feel a little better. I would know that she didn't lie to cover his pathetic ass and I would let him stay. But if I even noticed the slightest hesitation with his answer, I would break him in half. I didn't care that he was my brother; he would be in the ICU again if he hurt my princess.

I parked the motorcycle outside of my club, one of the bodyguards immediately joined me. It wasn't the building where the BDSM den was placed. This one was a high-class, elegant spot for wealthy people to get drunk without annoying reporters and fans.

Everything was very luxurious, extremely comfortable and expensive. Even the half-naked girls who were working as waitresses were dressed in lingerie for thousands of dollars. And, of course, they served not only the best alcohol on the continent but also the cocaine of exquisite quality.

Not one cop in the entire city dared to step foot here. My name was enough to scare the crap out of them if they tried anything, but when they found out that I had a very powerful friend who happened to be the head of the mafia in Italy, they just walked by without one glance inside.

As I entered my VIP lounge, one blond girl handed me my usual glass of whiskey and another took my leather jacket. I looked around, but the place was unusually empty. The majority of my friends were still at my new firm's after-party.

"Is Andreas here?" I barked at one of the waitresses, who flinched. I almost rolled my eyes at her. I wasn't pleasant, but she didn't need to act like I was some kind of monster.

"He's outside," the bodyguard answered instead of her because she was staring at me with her mouth open like I had just grown another head.