Chapter 09 Ariele
He walked away from me, just as he had come, leaving behind his trail of cologne. I heard a gruff and hoarse "come in" and didn't contest it, seeing him close the door. Eric went upstairs, leaving me confused. This man is insane, and he would make me go insane too.
I doubt he lacks women, so why corrupt me? I do the same and head to my room, thinking about the mess I got myself into, even if unintentionally. I remember the children from the orphanage; I like taking care of Toni, but I miss my children, Sister Lurdez who always welcomed me. I couldn't say goodbye; she was on a mission in Rome. "The work is plentiful, but the laborers are few," that was her phrase when she left me at the convent to carry out her missions around the world.
She was the only motherly figure I had in my entire life, and the thought of not seeing her anymore made my heart ache. But I pushed these thoughts away because I would fulfill my mission with Toni and then return to take my vows, both of chastity and poverty. I can't for a second stray from the mission I was given.
The night was calm and silent, but my mind couldn't switch off. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. I had tossed and turned, changed positions several times, but nothing seemed to work. Insomnia was an old acquaintance of mine, but that night it seemed stronger than ever.
I tried to focus on my breathing, on relaxing my muscles, but my mind wouldn't let me. It insisted on wandering, bringing back memories of the chaos that was my life.
Eric was a mobster, a cruel and ruthless man who didn't care about others' lives. I had no choice; I needed the money for the orphanage, and he had the power to force me to do what he wanted. He just couldn't stain my honor and my faith; he wouldn't make me give up my calling. I just needed to be strong and brave.
May God have mercy on me and on all who cross his path.
But Eric wasn't an easy man to live with. He was harsh, authoritative, rude. It was like walking on eggshells; I saw how he treated his men, the cooks, or any servant. They didn't even look at him; always with their heads down.
He had a piercing gaze that intimidated me and a deep voice that echoed in my mind. When he was around, I couldn't think of anything else.
And that's how he ended up occupying my entire mind, even when I was trying to sleep. His dirty words, his cold expression, his arrogance... it all seemed to replay in my mind, drawing me in, like the girl who likes to be mistreated by the bad boy, like a never-ending movie. I tried to shake off those thoughts, but it was as if they had a life of their own.
Even when I tried to turn to my faith, Eric didn't leave my mind. I started to pray, asking God to help me overcome this insomnia and these disturbing thoughts. But even when I closed my eyes, Eric's memories lingered, like a ghost that didn't want to leave.
I struggled to focus on the words of the prayer, to find inner peace, but it was hard. It felt like I was fighting against something much bigger than me, a force I couldn't control. And then, after trying for so long, I finally fell asleep, exhausted and disturbed.
That night was one of the most difficult I had ever experienced. I knew Eric's memories wouldn't fade away so easily, but I also couldn't let them take over me. I needed to fight them, find a way to overcome them; I couldn't give in to the temptation of the flesh.
The next morning, while Toni was at school, I walked through the mansion's corridor, carrying a book in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. I had always enjoyed quiet moments like this when I was at the orphanage, where I could read a little before going back to taking care of the children. But as I approached the living room, I heard Cassandra's voice. "Ariele, come here now!" she shouted.
I sighed and placed the book on the coffee table. Cassandra never called me for good things. It had become a pursuit, always telling me to do things that weren't my responsibility when Toni wasn't around, but I did many things at the orphanage; I wouldn't rebel now.
When I entered the living room, she was sitting on the couch with a pile of clothes beside her.
"Ariele, I want you to wash these clothes right now," she said, pointing to the pile.
I looked at her, confused.
"Sorry, Mrs. Cassandra, but I'm the nanny. I'm not the housemaid."
"I don't care," she replied, shrugging. "You're always free during the day, so you might as well do something useful."
I knew what was going on. Cassandra was jealous of my interaction with Eric. I had noticed that she had been acting strangely since he started making his interest in me more explicit, but I never imagined she would stoop so low.
I didn't argue with her. Instead, I picked up the clothes and went to the laundry room. As I loaded the clothes into the washing machine, I thought about how petty Cassandra was being. I knew she wanted me to stay away from Eric, but I had no control over anything, it was a ridiculous pursuit.
After hanging Ms. Cassandra's clothes, she asked me to clean her closet, which was filled with clothes and shoes. Fortunately, Toni had swimming lessons today, and I could rely on the chauffeur to take her. I put the clothes aside and went to have lunch, but I was reprimanded at the table. Cassandra said that the staff should eat in the kitchen area. I didn't mind, but it seemed strange, as whenever Eric was present, I dined at the table. Nevertheless, I simply obeyed.
By late afternoon, I was truly exhausted. Being busy all day with Cassandra's tasks was beginning to take its toll on me. I was physically tired, but also emotionally drained. All this strange dynamics in the house, the tensions with Cassandra, Eric's constant presence - it was all wearing me down.
As I climbed the stairs to my room, I felt a weight on my shoulders. I knew I had a commitment to Toni, and my dedication to her remained strong. But the situation in the mansion was becoming increasingly taxing. I ran my fingers over my crucifix and whispered a small prayer, seeking the strength to carry on.
When I entered my room, I closed the door behind me and sat on the edge of the bed. I took a deep breath, trying to regain my energy and prepare for whatever lay ahead. I knew I had a higher purpose here, and I wouldn't let the current difficulties veer me off that path.