Chapter 1 - My last thought
Joana
Do you know those unique moments when you feel the world in the palm of your hands? Maybe I exaggerated, I didn't mean exactly the world, but I'm referring to those details that make our lives better and less painful.
Today is my thirty-fifth birthday, which hasn't been the best since my childhood. At least this year fate decided not to punish me, perhaps it felt a little sorry for my suffering and wanted to favor me for once.
That email notification filled me with happiness. My simple day had become the most important day of my life. I couldn't contain my joy and started jumping up and down, like popcorn popping aimlessly in a pot.
As the cold wind blew and left my long black hair disheveled, my mother, who had always been a reserved woman, looked at me with a questioning smile and a little embarrassment.
"What is it, my child?" My lovely mother smiled with me, not understanding the reason for my euphoria. "There are people all around us, don't overdo it, young lady."
"I'm so happy that I don't care." I was reading the text with enthusiasm. "Mom, this is great news!" My loud voice completely ignored the passers-by, I couldn't believe my eyes when I read it on my cell phone screen.
"Your joy is contagious." She added, resting her right hand on my shoulder.
"I did it!"
"What did you get, Joana?"
I put my cell phone back in my bag and clung tightly to the woman who was almost identical to me, twenty years older than me, to be exact.
"Mom... I'm going to Berlin!"
"What? What do you mean, you're going to Berlin, my child?"
"I got the job to check the veracity of the recently discovered Sumerian manuscripts." I sighed deeply without looking away from the restless, almond-colored eyes in front of me. "Isn't that the best thing I could get for my birthday?"
Contrary to my expectations, my mother didn't follow my joy and let go of my hands.
"I'm happy for your efforts, daughter, but you can't leave Spain."
"Gosh, Mom! What's that?"
"I know more than anyone that you've dedicated your whole life to your studies."
"Come on, are you going to start this story again?" I took a deep breath as I waited for her answer.
"I see a short life in your future if you leave Spain, Joana."
"I knew you were going to say that at any moment, but for a moment I gave you a chance, and I thought you'd forget, really, Mom!"
"Believe what I read on your hand, daughter, you know that as a gypsy I hardly ever get my interpretations wrong, if you leave Spain, the curse will catch up with you."
"I don't want to ruin my day hearing that, I've told you countless times that I don't believe in this curse nonsense."
"But, child, please don't go." Her insistence was surreal, she was holding my right hand, but before she could continue, I dodged.
"I don't need your readings, be at peace, and I ask you to do the same for me. This is my dream, Mom, I've studied all my life for it. I don't want to die without leaving my legacy."
"What's the point of thinking about a legacy if you don't exist?"
"What?"
She stared at me like never before, and somehow you could see the glow of maternal love escape when she smiled.
"I believe that only you will be able to discover the reason for your existence."
"What are you talking about, mom?"
Her expressive eyes looked at me as if to say goodbye, which gave me goosebumps and inexplicably created a strange sensation in my body.
"No matter how far I try to go, your future is irreversible, I always arrive at the same point, your death."
"Seriously, Mrs. Carmen, stop talking like that. Do you want your daughter to die?"
"I don't want you to die, daughter, but I feel something inexplicable emanating from you like water."
"It's just a trip, I'm not leaving my beloved Spain. I'll be back home soon, nothing will happen to me." Deep down, I knew that her words gave me the creeps, but this was my chance to turn the key to my suffering life.
"But, child..."
"That's enough, Mrs. Carmen. Today's airplanes are modern and safe, don't worry."
I noticed a tear running down her cheek and immediately wiped it away with my thumb. My mother is a retired gypsy, and what I've achieved in life has been thanks to her efforts. My idiot father got her pregnant and abandoned us when I wasn't even born yet. I don't know who he is, and so I intend to preserve my mind.
"You never give up, I admire your courage, even with what you've heard."
"If I'm really going to die, I plan to leave this world very old and leave my legacy. I don't want to be buried as useless, Mom."
She nodded positively and continued to smile. I pulled her close to me, and we hugged for a few seconds. She hugged me tightly, I thought she was going to break my ribs. It had been years since my mother had hugged me like that. The last time I felt this warm was the day my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with my friend from school. Friend? I meant an asshole who stole boyfriends and a scumbag who never really loved me.
"It's okay, Joana. I'll do my part as a mother and hope you achieve your goals, maybe my prediction was wrong."
"Of course, Mom, don't worry about it, please." We walked away, and I looked at her, who was visibly sad, and I couldn't let that sadness spread. "As soon as I land in Germany, I'll call and tell you about my first flight, which will be completely free. I'm very excited about that. Not to mention that they'll pay for everything, and I'll make a lot of money, Mom." I took a deep breath and kept my posture of not crying. "Finally, that damn fate knocked on the door and gave me a birthday present."
~
As planned, I said goodbye to my mother while I was still at home. She didn't want to accompany me to the airport, claiming that instead of saying goodbye, she would just cry. Before long, I anxiously boarded the plane in first class, in the company of three other women who, like me, remained silent.
When the plane took off, I felt a mixture of excitement and nervousness. I felt a heaviness in my stomach along with the sensation that I wanted to scream, but I held it back in my throat.
As the plane gained altitude, I finally got used to the idea of being so far from terra firma. At first, I was reluctant to look at Europe from above through that small window, but I soon plucked up the courage.
Faced with the panoramic view that opened up before my eyes, a feeling of freedom and satisfaction formed in my mind.
"Was I doomed to die, Mom?" I questioned her reading, as my eyes surveyed the vast mound of land on the old continent that was getting further and further away. "I won't die until I realize my dreams."
I smiled at the possible curse, but I didn't have enough time to think about anything else, because suddenly everything began to shake violently. Panic seized me as the oxygen masks fell from the ceiling. The deafening sound of engine failure echoed in my ears. Thousands of short memories popped into my mind as I felt the pressure of the fall practically carry me off to who knows where.
Instinctively, I looked out of the window and saw the ground rapidly approaching. My heart was pounding, and my hands were sweating. I screamed desperately, begging for help, but it was no use, after all, who would save me?
I closed my eyes, waiting for the imminent impact, while thoughts of remorse invaded my mind. For a moment, I remembered my mother's words. Perhaps I should have been less selfish and heeded her warning, after all, my mother was a gypsy.
"Forgive me, mother, I have no more time, I'm going to die a failure..."
That was my last thought before everything around me went dark.
I, Joana Ortiz, had died without leaving my legacy.