Chapter 7: Uncontrollable Emotion
Chapter 7: Uncontrollable Emotion
Zaren’s POV
Amari Inlan. When we were younger, we used to play with each other at her parents’ house since they were work mates. As far as I knew, they were good friends that began as strangers. My mother died after I was born so only my father took care of me until I was 11 years old. As a young child, I didn’t understand everything, but I knew for sure I was anxious of what to do, aside that I was a child of a Marquess, I still couldn’t wrap up that I would be managing the Duchy at a young age. Therefore, I was reckless and didn’t heed to my studies for a while.
And before I knew it, I was fifteen years old already, and everything had changed. The last time I saw Amari was in her parents’ funeral, without their body. It was then that I realize something was odd- without body then the ‘Darkness’ should be related to it. Darkness and Dark Mages are those forbidden practices that could basically kill all people.
Darkness is what my father studies about since he told me once that it was an existence ought to end the lives of people. Then when the Demons attacked the people with Dark magic, I was, as a young child, frightened and horrified. Dark Magic was vicious- it could kill and impersonate someone using their body or soul, or both. I assumed my father’s disappearance must had been because he was researching the Darkness’s weakness and how to defeat it, thus I also started studying about it.
For some reason, I forgot about Amari who was still mourning her parents’ funeral as I was cooped up in my studies and responsibilities. At the age of 16, the emperor gave me missions to kill Demons that were slaughtering humans; that was when I knew my future beheld uncertainties. So, I stood strong and held onto my position so that I could justice to Amari’s parents and my father. I feel like they were intertwined yet twisted. There was no verification and assuming so might be lethal as I was drawing conclusions that were yet to be confirmed.
However, to narrow down the reasons of unknown deaths of other nobles, not just Amari’s parents, Darkness is involved. Darkness is a powerful power; one who wields it could govern the whole world so a lot of people wanted to have it but those filled with hatred and anguish were the ones who has it. On the other hand, as it was a magic that could threaten everyone’s life, it was indeed, must not be existing.
As I was a busy man, there were only gatherings that I chose to attend to, and coincidentally, after how many years, I encountered Amari- totally different than she was previously. I attempted talking to her, yet she always disappeared without a trace. I supposed she never even had official debut in society since she was also a sickly Young Lady. I was concerned for her and have asked her presence in my Duchy a lot of times, but no response came- as though she didn’t want to see me ever again.
I am aware that we were just childhood playmates but something in me feels close to her, like when she walked away I’d die. Exaggerating, but whenever I saw her, my heart felt painful; it pounded like I have seen someone I shouldn’t have since I sinned against her. Moreover, there was something in me- an obsession in my heart that I wanted her to be mine, to be my woman, to my everything forever. I don’t know why I feel this way towards her as I don’t have these filthy emotions to any women than her.
There was also something that bugged me off. After seeing her, I started having dreams- a bad dreams at that. It was a dream about a woman- whom I presumed I loved so. I held her hand, kissed it, even her- then at the next second, I watched her die. Our surrounding was nothing but blood, and those killers were laughing as though ending someone’s life was a play. That woman was crying, she was grieving, she was shouting for help, but no one came- even I, who desperately wanted to hug her, proved useless.
Somehow, I have been questioning why I had these dreams so my desire to see Amari increases because she triggered these memories I don’t know I had.
I didn’t see her no matter how hard I tried then the next second, she asked my hand for marriage. She confessed that she liked me- but I doubt that. Countless ladies have confessed to me, but they always had a motive to kill me because I was threat from owning something they wanted. It was just a wild guess that Amari wanted to kill me because she was different than before, but I didn’t expect it to be true.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t mad or sad- more importantly, I felt betrayed. I was clenching my fists the whole time wishing she’d say no, or I’d rather hear her lie than be honest with me. Her method was wrong if she wanted to act all pitiful and innocent, still, if others see her, they’d feel like they need to protect her.
I felt quite delighted that I could hold her, touch her, and when I saw her trembling under me, I felt overjoyed- a satisfaction I never felt in my life.
‘Is it really all right for me to be possessive of this defenseless woman?’
The one who told she’d kill me was currently leaning her head on my chest, sleeping peacefully. I wonder if she knew we were still in a bathtub. Nevertheless, it’s eating my conscience that I couldn’t restrain last night thus her being this exhausted, was understandable. Then again, her naked body was touching mine… I don’t think I’d be able to pull myself together if this goes on.
I stared at her peaceful face, her black hair draping over her eyes, her small body on top of mine, the water in stillness, exuding calm, and relaxed atmosphere. The roses slightly moved at the small waves of the water, the steam that leveled up to the ceiling, the sweet yet hot scent of the rose mixed with her body was addicting. Why do I feel this strange emotion to someone as though we had a history previously?
I held my head at my nonsenses and slightly removed the hair on Amari’s eyes. She is gorgeous- the most gorgeous woman I had seen in my entire life. I thought she’d leave me last night after our deed, but as she lost her consciousness, she fell asleep before me. Why would she lower her guard before me when I am such a beast that could eat her up at this moment?
“Wife.”
I calmly called out to her. I desperately wanted to touch her, but she seemed she had no energy, so I had to hold back. I didn’t want to exhaust her anymore.
“Wife.”
No, did she really fall asleep in this kind of circumstances while I was fighting with myself? Is she not concerned I could do something without her consent?
I gently grabbed her arms and shook her, in hopes she’d wake up.
“Wife, if you sleep here, you’d probably get sick. Wake up.”
After a few attempts, she finally opened her eyes and innocently looked at me. If she made that kind of face again, I’d afraid I had to cross the line I could hardly draw between us. I didn’t even want to stop last night but seeing that she lost her consciousness, I never could imagine doing such a thing without her sanity intact. She should remember everything that occurred between us, no less than a detail.
“Y… Your Grace. My apologies, I fell asleep.”
“It’s fine, we were just resting after washing up. Well, let’s go now, we should eat breakfast, don’t we?”
She faintly nodded her head then we headed out. The maids helped us dress, and we went to the Dining Hall. Amari was quiet unlike when she was younger, she used to say everything that’s in her head. I must admit, she was adorable- adorably dangerous… I supposed.
“I’ll go to the Imperial Palace after breakfast. My aide will guide you in my residence, and here, your maid.”
The maid I chose for her bowed her head and politely greeted her, “Your Grace, I will be the one serving you. I am Rei.”
Amari smiled, “Thank you Rei.”
Rei beamed at her. It hasn’t been that long, yet this maid seemed to be drawn towards her. Indeed, my woman is special.
I stood up and approached her. I had to do my duties after our wedding thus I’d had less time to spend with her, but I’ll try. I leaned forward, gesturing to all those present to look away. I grabbed her neck and kissed her lips, just gently.
I witnessed how her eyes sparkled with questions, yet I just lightly smiled at her.
“Wait for me.”
“… Y-yes, have a safe trip, Your Grace.”