02

Chapter 02

I snap back from reality after reliving the past from my head and upon looking at Ezra I can’t help but wonder how he doesn’t recognize me right now? Is it because we’ve changed a lot? But despite the changes that I’m seeing I can definitely say that it’s him… and a thought came to mind, it may sound painful, but I think he’s pretending not to know me, maybe because of our ugly past together.

“Do you not need anything?”

“No, I’ve got it.” I nodded at Ana.

Ana has been my friend since high school, and we became close when I also lost a friend and I’ve been her assistant ever since we graduated college, she would always ask me why I didn’t try to find other jobs, because she was sure that I could make my own name instead of being her assistant, I wanted to answer her that truthfully but as of the moment I can’t… given the circumstances… plus it’s a really long story.

Unlike me who’s still hung up on the past, I think Ezra’s case isn’t the same. He seems carefree and he also seems to like what he’s doing. He makes friends really easily and he’s still the same despite having a lot of changes in his physical aspect.

He’s still the person that everyone wants to be friends with and also a person you can be comfortable with… judging from what I’m seeing right now.

“You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

“Huh?” My attention turned to Ana when she spoke to me.

I didn’t even realize that I was so preoccupied thinking about our past that I didn’t know that I was looking at him intently… and I think Ana noticed that based on the face she’s giving me right now, that made me just shake my head at her and pretend like it was nothing.

“You like that guy?” She raised her brows at me, and I immediately shook my head.

“Nope. I think he’s gay.” Ana laughs at that, and I bite my lips feeling embarrass to what I just said… it’s a great excuse though.

Time passes by quickly and Ana is now done and ready for the shoot and I can’t help but gulp as her first shoot is with Ezra. I’ve notice earlier that he’s really good at what he was doing and he’s also really hot… I can’t deny that, but as I see him in the same frame as Ana right now my brows unconsciously creased upon looking at them… seeing them together makes me feel uneasy and it makes me roll my eyes as I hear the people behind me whispering about how they make a good couple … does that mean I still like him despite the years that have passed?

Ana always wondered why I don’t have a boyfriend for all these years that we have known each other, and she even thought that I was lesbian which was funny because she also thinks that I like her in a romantic way, and I have thought deeply about that but now… I think I know the reason why… and the reason is right here in front of me, having a photo shoot with my boss.

By the time the shoot was done, both of them were close with each other now and I can’t help but pout at the sight of that. I busied myself by getting Ana’s things as we’re done for the day, and when I was finished, the two were still busy talking to each other and knowing Ana she doesn’t entertain boys she doesn’t find attractive.

“I’ll think about it.” Ana smirked.

“You have a boyfriend don’t you.” Ana chuckled and didn’t answer Ezra’s question.

“Let’s just say that I’m not looking for a man right now.” She winks at Ezra before waving him goodbye while walking towards the car and both Ezra and I are left stunned.

“Wow… she’s hot.” Ezra whispered that made me look at him and he just smiled as we look at each other and he walked away… and I was left dumbfounded.

**

Today’s the second shoot of the day and I’m feeling nervous as usual because I know that he will also be in the same place as me today… breathing the same air as me, and I’m trying to act sane right now despite the thoughts on my mind.

Just seeing him makes me have hope that I will forget about the past and move on, and at the same time seeing him makes me remember the past that caused the pain inside of me.

“Where’s Ana?”

I was setting up Ana’s things when someone suddenly speaks from behind me, and my eyes widen as I face that person. Ezra is here in front of me and looking so bright as the morning. I pouted and was stunned while looking at him that I couldn’t even say anything.

“Huh?” He smiled as he saw my reaction. “I-I mean, she’s on her way.” He chuckled as he nodded before leaving me alone to do what I was doing and when he was gone that’s when I realized that I was holding my breathe.

Not long after, Ana arrived and when she was finished getting her make-up done and the likes they started the shoot and as usual they praised her for being such a good model and I can’t help but look at Ezra and be amazed. He just look so serious and the only disturbing thing for me to look at is that he’s shooting a sexy clothing together with Ana.. and the girls at my back continued to whisper on how they wished they were Ana, and I can’t help but shake my head and roll my eyes at that.

Everything is just so irritating… the way Ezra looks at Ana makes me nervous and feel uneasy, and because I couldn’t take it no more I decided to take a breathe outside and feel the fresh air, and despite the noise I’m hearing outside I try to calm myself down while looking at the sky… and remember our happy memories together… that’s what I always do when things get tough and so far that helped me survive.

The shoot took a whole day and it was really tiring and we eat our lunch in the studio, I distance myself on purpose to Ana as Ezra looks really interested in her, it’s not that I’m giving them way I just don’t want to meddle with it… plus I’m sure Ana would turn him down.. and that thought makes me reassured and smile.

“Why don’t we all have dinner together to celebrate the success of the shoot? My treat.” I was cleaning up Ana’s things when I heard Ezra said that while Ana is taking out her make up and judging by her expression, I’m sure she’s going to turn him down… I think she finds him annoying… even I feel that way.

I smirked at that and when I looked back at Ana my eyes widened as she was looking at me with her brow raised and then she smirked upon facing Ezra. “Sure. Do you mind if I bring my friend there? I can’t go if she’s not with me.” Ezra was taken aback but nodded upon waving his hands to us. “See you there.” Ana said and smirked as she faced me.

My heart is beating so fast, but I pretend like this is nothing, so I just shook my head at her and rolled my eyes that made her laugh, and she was about to say something when I gave her a glare. “Don’t even start.” I said that made her smirk.

**

Soon, after I finish getting Ana’s things, we headed straight to the restaurant that Ezra probably texted to Ana. When we arrive, Ana has this smile on her face as we enter, and I can’t help but pout as I think she’s planning onto something.

I heard the other models are also here together with the crew we had at the shoot which made me feel at ease as it would feel really awkward if it was only the three of us… I would feel like a burden between the two.

“You came.” The two greeted each other while I take a seat beside Ana and greeted the other staff… who was looking at Ana and Ezra and kept teasing them.. That made me want to roll my eyes, but I stopped myself from doing so.

The two were in their own world - even though Ana tried to include me in their conversation, Ezra would always make a way to go back to their conversation - I’m in my own world together with the other staff, and when I was done eating I excused myself to go to the bathroom but instead I went outside to feel the cold breeze because being inside made me feel suffocated.

I was looking at the sky when I noticed that someone is now standing next to me and when I looked at that person my eyes widened as I saw Ezra. He smiled at me as he lights up his cigarette… I didn’t know that he smoked.

“Want one?” He offered a cigarette while he blows the smoke away and I immediately shake my head and look away… he looks so different now that he’s beside me without the presence of Ana… was he always like this?

I have so many questions about him, how he survived that day and how come that he never contacted me again, but I stopped myself before I could do so… it seems like he already forgot about me, and I don’t want to bring up the past especially when I myself still can’t move on from it.

“I didn’t take you for a person who smoke, you seem conscious about your body.” I said and closed my eyes tight as it sounded rude, but he chuckled as he continued to do his thing.

“It helps me to calm down… don’t worry I don’t smoke often.”

I nodded to myself and didn’t say anything back, the silence is just so awkward and I suddenly want to go back inside but being here beside him makes me feel a lot of things… new feelings aside from jealousy when I see him together with Ana… right now I feel my heart beating so fast, my hands are shaking and I have the urge to talk to him about me knowing him before but I also don’t want him to run away from me so I stopped myself from doing so… I like seeing him around even if that means I’ll be seeing him together with Ana… it just makes me happy to see that he’s doing fine unlike me.

“You know what? I’ve been curious about you for a while now.” He decided to break the silence and shock me… my heart is literally beating so fast right now. “I think I’ve seen you before but at the same time I can’t remember when, do you always come with Ana in her activities?” I gulp before nodding and he smiles. “That’s probably why.. I’ve been admiring her from afar for a time now.”

I felt relief but pain at the same time… is that even possible? And me smiling as a response is the most painful thing ever. I bit my lips and nodded to myself. I want to go back now but I can’t bring myself to move so I stand there and listen to Ezra’s story about admiring Ana.

Soon after we talked or more like Ezra talking and me listening, I went back inside, while Ezra continued to smoke outside and because Ana was tired, we called it for the night and went back home.

When we arrived home, I was shocked to see people inside the hotel, Ana’s friends to be specific and because they look like they have a lot of catching up to do I decided to go to their garden, it’s in the roof top which kind of amazed me.

Upon going to the garden my eyes widened as I saw Ezra there… I didn’t know we’re staying in the same hotel… but that’s not the only thing that shocked me because right now he’s kissing a girl that doesn’t look familiar to me… and I was about to leave without them noticing but it was too late as their kiss ended and he was calling me while walking towards me, and the girl he kissed is calling his attention but he doesn't seem to care about her now… is this real or am I dreaming?

When he arrived in front me, I was stunned, and I couldn’t say anything for a moment. “I didn’t know you have a girlfriend.” I said after waking up from my senses, I start walking to the bench where there’s no people. I kind of feel bitter right now.

“That’s not my girlfriend.” He chuckled. “I told you I’m interested in Ana.”

“Then, shouldn’t you stop kissing other people?”

He smirked. “I’m still not together with her so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.” I pouted and took a seat where he also sat beside me… I’m now silent and he’s looking at me curiously that made me pout even more and look at my shoes instead.

“That sounds so wrong.” I whispered.

“You’re a virgin, are you?” Ezra suddenly asked that made me look at him with shock in my face… he sounded like an asshole right now, he’s so different when he’s talking to Ana… I feel like his true attitude is showing right now, and I can’t believe I thought he would be different.

“I don’t want to answer that.” He chuckles.

“I’m sorry to tell you this but that’s just how the world works around us… what’s your name again?”

I closed my eyes tight, feeling the burning feeling of my heart, and I had the urge to slap him, but I stopped myself before I could do so.

“Kate.” He stopped for a moment and as I’m looking into his eyes, I can see something, but it immediately vanished and he nodded feeling lost before looking back at me.

“That’s just how the world works, K-Kate. You should open your eyes and see it, don’t be stuck in your ideal world because you won’t survive in that.” He said seriously, looking at my eyes and I bit my lips feeling the lump on my throat and the tears building up behind my eyes. “You’re not a kid anymore.” He whispered… and why do I feel like he’s talking to the younger me? Does he still remember me? Does he recognize me now? I had the urge to ask him, but my cowardness kicked in.

“You’re right. But aren’t you being cruel right now?”

He smiled and then chuckled. “I didn’t do anything wrong to you, Kate. That’s up to you how you interpret that.” He was about to stand up, but I did it before he could.

He raised his brows at me, and I look at him straight in the eyes. “Thank you for your advice… and, nice to meet you… again, Ezra.” I smirked before walking away and didn’t look back at him, despite him calling my name.