Chapter 10

My emotions are such a mess that the rest of my shift goes by in a blur, and I am thankful that my trainer is patient with me as I forget basic things and make careless mistakes.

On one hand, I am horrified to have learned that Andrew is already going to such lengths to find me. While I didn’t have high hopes that he would simply sit back and let me slip away into the night, I had hoped that he would at least be dignified enough to not abuse his position as a police officer in order to find me. Apparently, I gave him far too much credit.

On the other hand, I am excited to not have Reed’s men tailing me anymore; it brings me a sense of freedom that I have never gotten to fully experience before. Combine that with the knowledge that no one will report to Andrew that my vehicle was spotted here, and you’ve got my current hurricane of emotions. I am switching between fear, frustration, and giddiness on a loop.

When my shift finally comes to an end, Jason is nice enough to offer to walk me to my car. The autumn days are short and the sky is already darkening–even though our shift ends at 7:30pm–and I accept with gratitude. My wildly changing emotions have me so off-kilter that when we get to my car, and he asks if I want to go out with him and Jamie tomorrow night– something that I, as the world’s biggest homebody, normally wouldn’t be up for– that I accept without hesitation. Simply, I realize, because I can. I don’t have a controlling boyfriend that I have to ask for permission, only for him to guilt-trip me into not going, or giving me the silent treatment if I go anyway. For the first time in my life, I get to choose. And the freedom is exhilarating.

On my drive home, I roll down the windows and let the crisp autumn air blow through my hair, relishing the fact that I not only have friends here, but that I get this chance to remember who I am, outside of a relationship. Jason and Jamie are planning on going dancing, which is something I haven’t done for ages. Since before Andrew, of freaking course. He always said that it wasn’t “appropriate” for someone in a relationship to do. Nevermind that I only had eyes for him, that my entire world revolved around him. And nevermind that he apparently found it “appropriate” for him to sleep with every ER nurse in a 50 mile radius. I can’t help but roll my eyes. Not anymore. At least I got out. Alive.

I shake myself out of that train of thought, and start to think about what club-worthy clothing I have, which, I realize, is none. When I left, I only took what I could fit in my little sedan. Everything else I had to leave behind. I wonder where the closest thrift store is, and whether I might be able to find something there. If not, I might just have to look a little frumpy.

Ah, well. Worse things have happened.

I glance in my rearview mirror, half expecting to see a black SUV trailing me still, but the road is blessedly empty. No more asshole boyfriend. No more babysitters. A delighted laugh bubbles out of me, and I turn up the radio until it hurts my ears. I scream-sing along, relishing the feeling of freedom that rushes through me again. In this moment, everything I went through to get away from Andrew was worth it. The months of working overtime, hoarding away money, playing nice so that he wouldn’t suspect I was planning my exit strategy, sneaking one item at a time out to my car until the day I finally slipped out of the house while he was at work. I would never want to go through those things again, but damn if this moment isn’t everything I hoped for during that time.

I pull into the parking lot of my apartment complex, roll up the windows, and sit in my car for a few long moments, not ready to go inside to my pitifully empty and unfurnished apartment yet. I pick up my phone, intending to waste some time while I listen to a few more songs, and when I do, I see that I have yet another text from an unknown number. This one is signed, though.

*As Bea promised, the payment for your discretion has been deposited into your account. While I know this doesn’t undo my actions, I hope that it helps. Again, I am sorry.

-Caleb (Dr. Reed)*

I had forgotten about that off-handed comment Bea had made what felt like a lifetime ago. She had said I would be paid handsomely. I assumed that if I wanted to see a penny, I would be expected to sign a non-disclosure agreement or something, and that lawyers would be involved. It is surprising that they simply trust me not to say anything. Curious, I thumb my phone to open my banking app. What exactly does “paid handsomely” mean? Maybe if it’s a couple hundred dollars, I will be able to go buy a new outfit for tomorrow. Ohhh, maybe I can get that sofa chair I have been eyeing at the thrift store.

The app finally loads, and I blink several times as I stare at my checking account balance.

Holy shit.