Chapter 6
Hannah lay in bed, flipping through late night TV, wondering if Garrett was going to text or call her. Late nights were nothing new for her, and usually this would be the time when she would get most of her songwriting done, but she couldn't seem to do that in her house. She had to be in a hotel room, lonely, wishing for the type of life that all her friends from high school had. For some reason, she never could get into that mindset when she was in her own bed, in her own house. Just as she was about to give it up and set the sleep timer, her phone beeped.
You still awake?
It was a text message from Garrett. The smile that spread across her face couldn't be helped. She realized quickly it was a good thing that no one could see her. If they could, they would see the giddiness of a new relationship, that feeling of wanting to talk to or be around the other person all the time. It was scary how fast that had happened. Never before had it been like this.
I am, she texted back.
In just a few moments, there was a request to FaceTime. Technology was an amazing thing. As soon as she accepted the request, she saw Garrett's face. It was dark where he was, but she could make out his features.
"Hey." She waved and leaned her head back against her pillows.
"Hey yourself," he yawned, covering his mouth with his hand.
"You tired?"
"Tired, but wired, ya know?"
She nodded because she did know. It took her a long time to come down from being on stage, even if she was exhausted. "It takes me a few hours."
"Me too and I truly hate sleeping on this bus. It's one of my fears that we'll be in an accident and I'll never know what hit me," he admitted.
Hannah laughed. "It's funny that you mention that. Shell and I had a conversation about that earlier today. Me, I'm better off just not knowing. If it's gonna happen, I don't wanna see it coming. Apparently the two of you have something in common."
"I like to be in control."
His voice was dark and smooth as he said the words. They caused goosebumps to appear on her arms.
"Some people do and some are willing to let others take control for them in certain aspects of their lives."
"Are you the type to let others take control?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with humor.
"I guess it kinda depends," she squirmed. "There are some things I don't want to make decisions on. There's others, like my career, my personal life, that I really do want to have control over."
Garrett wanted to get further into this with her, but their relationship was so new that he didn't want to scare her off. Instead, he switched topics. "Did you have a good time tonight?"
She smiled at him. "I did. Your show was awesome."
"You're just saying that because I invited you, and you feel the need to be nice to me," he scoffed.
"No...I don't blow smoke up people's butts. If I don't like it, I just say 'bless your heart'."
He laughed loudly. "Which we've already discussed as being the equivalent of 'fuck you' in southern speak."
She frowned and he chuckled again.
"You hate that word, right?"
"I seriously do." She ran her hand through her hair.
For the first time, she realized she looked a mess. She had taken a shower as soon as she had come home, and then she'd gotten ready for bed. Her hair was a tangled mass, and she knew she had dark circles under her eyes from the breakneck pace she had been keeping over the past few months.
"You look great," he told her.
"How'd you know what I just thought?" His ability to know what she thought before she told him was unnerving to her.
He ducked his head and then ran his tongue over his bottom lip. "I have a lot of experience with women. Most have the same insecurities. But trust me. When I said you were cute earlier, I meant it. You don't need to look the way you did when you came to the show for me to think you're hot."
"So you didn't like it?"
"No, I'm not saying that at all," he was quick to protest. "You really did look hot. I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you that earlier, but things were a little rushed. What I'm saying is that you're cute with no makeup and tired circles under your eyes. I have the same ones," he leaned closer to the phone, and she focused in on his eyes. "See, I have the same ones. It comes with the territory."
She laughed as she got an up close and personal look at his eyes and pores. "Move the phone back, that's freaky. It like magnified everything a thousand times."
"Awesome," he grinned. "Let me take my pants off real quick and then I'll really get to magnifying."
"Garrett!" she blushed. "I can't believe you just said that to me."
He laughed, a deep belly laugh. So hard that he had to put the phone down. When he brought it back up, he was brushing his eyes. "You are so easy to rile up. I can't believe how innocent you've been able to stay while in this business."
She bit her lip. "I always had people around me that didn't let me get involved in the sex and drugs side of it." Should she admit to him her darkest secrets?
"Really? Do you wish that maybe you had? Some of my best times were in my early twenties. I pretty much screwed anything that walked," he admitted. "But now that I'm almost thirty, I'm much more selective. It's not as fun as it used to be."
Steering the conversation away from her, she asked him. "What about the drug part?"
"I experimented just like most young people do. Granted, I probably did it on a larger level because of our position. We did a lot of rock festivals back then where drugs were very easily accessible. I didn't ever have a problem, but I did become a little too dependent at one time. Luckily, I have family who doesn't want to see me go down that road. I don't want to go down that road. So I stopped. I still drink; every once in a while I'll have a cigarette or smoke some pot, but for the most part I'm through experimenting. That's not to say other guys in the band aren't, but I can't tell them how to live."
He was so honest with her and she loved that. "I like that you're honest with me. My last relationship...The guy wasn't so honest, and it's hard for me to trust now."
"Well that guy was a dumbass then. I can't help but be completely honest with you. There's something about you that makes me want to be honest."
She smiled tiredly. "I'm glad, because I want you to be honest with me - even if it's not the easiest thing - it's something I appreciate."
Garrett yawned again. "I'll mark that down in my file labeled 'Hannah' in my head then."
"You have a file?"
"Oh yeah," he ticked off facts on his fingers. "You like carnations, anything coconut, and now I can add to that honesty."
"Yet, I know almost nothing about you. I don't even have a file named 'Garrett' in my head."
His mouth hung open in shock, and he brought his hand up to his chest, holding it over his heart. "Ouch. Damn, girl. You know how to bring a guy down a few pegs."
"Somebody's gotta keep you on your toes. I have a feeling you get what you want just a little too easily."
She did have a point there. He usually did get what he wanted, but not because it was easy. "I work for everything I've got and everything I want. If I decide that I want you, trust me. You're going know it and you're going say yes."
Hannah could hear the promise in his voice. "Then I guess I'm just gonna have to figure out if you want me or not."
"If you haven't guessed by now, then I'm not doing my job right."
That warmed a place within her. The last man she had tried to have a relationship with hadn't worked at it. She had done all the working, all the sacrificing, everything. This time around, she promised herself that it would be equal opportunity and she wouldn't lay her whole heart on the line without him laying his heart on the line too. "You're doin' just fine," she yawned on the end of her sentence.
"You're tired, I'm tired. I'm going to let you go."
It was true, she really was tired, but she didn't want to let him go. "You'll call me again?" she questioned.
The smile that spread across his face was bright and wide, showing his dimples. "You bet, but you know you could call me too. I do like getting phone calls from beautiful girls."
She rolled her eyes.
"Text messages too, nudie pics, whatever," he grinned to show he was teasing.
She laughed. "You are way too much."
"I like to keep things interesting, what can I say?" He made no excuses.
"Just say 'goodnight, Hannah'."
"Goodnight, Hannah. Have sweet dreams, and I'll talk to you tomorrow."
She waved at him. "Goodnight, Garrett. You too. I am glad I got to go to your show tonight."
"I am too."
With those words he disconnected the call, and she lay back against the pillow, a smile on her face. That fluttery feeling was back in her stomach. "Hannah, you can't go into this like you did the last one," she chastised herself. The last one had almost been the end of her - it had devastated her when it ended. She had a feeling this one would decimate her. Looking up at her ceiling, she whispered. "God, please tell me I'm doing the right thing here."
"Are you sure that's all you want?" Hannah asked Shell as she hurried into a deli the next morning. She was running late picking Shell up for a meeting with a new production company, while Shell was at the graphic artist approving t-shirt designs. Divide and conquer was the name of their game. Luckily for all involved, the company was located in Nashville, so she could enjoy her time at home and still get work accomplished too.
"Yeah," Shell said on the other end of the phone. "I ate late last night, but please make sure you get me a coffee. You'll be here right after that?"
"I will. Shouldn't be more than thirty minutes. We should be right on time for the meeting even if I am running late getting you."
"Okay, see you when you get here."
Hannah disconnected the call and stepped up to the counter, ordering the meal for herself and Shell. After paying and being told how long it would take, she moved to stand over to the side, browsing the magazine rack. One of the most prominent magazines had the picture of her and Garrett from the after party on it. She took a picture of it and texted it to Garrett, along with a 'good morning'. She figured it would probably be a few hours before he saw it, but it would be something nice for him to wake up to. As she scrolled through some of the emails on her phone, she felt someone come up behind her. People in Nashville were used to seeing stars out and about, so she didn't turn around, she just continued about her business. For long minutes, the person stood behind her before she felt them lean in.
"Is that your new boyfriend?"
She stiffened automatically, shying away. That voice had caused her so much heartache, so much anger, so much hurt, that still affected her. Each time she was home in Nashville she hoped she wouldn't see him, that just maybe she could go a few days without running into him. This was a big city, after all. It never seemed to fail, whenever she came into town, she ran into him. It would feel good to turn around and tell him exactly what she thought of him, but she had been raised to be polite, and every time she had stood up for herself, he'd knocked her down. Sometimes physically and sometimes mentally. Plastering a smile on her face, she turned, coming face to face with the last man who had not only broken her heart, but her spirit.
Hannah hadn't seen him in a few months, not even on TV, and he had been in the studio making his new album from what she had heard around town. He had let his blonde hair grow longer than it ever had when they were together, the tips of it just brushed the edges of his shirt. Being unkempt wasn't something he'd allowed her to do while they were together, and she wanted to say something about the unshaven beard that covered his face, the dark circles under his blue eyes. It was obvious he had partied hard the night before. She knew that some women liked that look, but it only reinforced the fact that she didn't even find him attractive anymore.
"Ashton." She did her best to not let him see just how much he ticked her off. "Not that it's any of your business, but he's a friend."
"That's how we started out right?"
He was cocky, and that was one of the many things she realized too late she hated about him. Which was small in the grand scheme of what he had actually done to her, but it helped to focus on the things that hadn't given her nightmares. She ignored him as her phone beeped and they called her name.
"It was good to see you," he called out as she walked away.
She couldn't say the same to him. Her appetite was gone when she got back to her car, but she was glad to see a text from Garrett.
We look pretty damn good on that cover! Not sure what you're doing today, but hope you have a good one. Call me when you have time.
That was exactly what she needed. As Ashton walked out of the deli, she put her car in reverse and backed away, not looking at him again.