Chapter 9: Sugar
Sugar straightened up from her laughing bout, wiped her face clean with the sleeve of her jacket - damn, Hamlet was good at giving kisses - and shot Jaxson a smile. "Ready?"
She tried to hide the twerking butterflies in her stomach. She wasn't sure why Jaxson made her so nervous, but she'd be damned if she was going to let those nerves show.
He fell into step beside her while Hamlet proceeded to sniff every bush and dormant tree along the way, stopping to mark about every third object they passed. He was such a boy sometimes.
Sugar cast about for something to say.
"So...grocery shopping in Boise, huh?" she asked knowing full well that it was the lamest topic of conversation ever, but it was all she could come up with at the moment.
Jaxson smiled, but his shoulders seemed to tense up at the same time. She wondered what was going on in his head. She didn't have to wait long for an answer.
"I went to Boise to pick up my boys for the weekend," he started explaining. "My ex-wife made other plans with the kids and didn't bother to tell me. So I went shopping instead."
They had made it to the park and Sugar fished a ball out of her coat pocket. Throwing the ball into the darkness, Hamlet took off like a shot. Sugar figured Hamlet could see every ball within a mile radius. She used the time to think of what to say to Jaxson. He had kids?
He wouldn't want anything to do with her, then. People tended to shun baby killers. Especially people with children of their own.
She forced herself to smile.
"How old are your boys?" she asked, trying desperately to cover her inner turmoil.
"They're six and four," Jaxson replied promptly. "They're actually the reason I am here."
Hamlet returned the ball, now covered in slobber. Sugar bravely picked up the wet mess and threw it into the darkness once more.
"Wait a minute..." she said, surprised. "You moved to Sawyer for your kids?"
"Strange, I know," he said with a small chuckle. "My ex dragged me through the courts, telling the judge the whole time that I shouldn't have any rights at all because I'm a firefighter. I got called away quite a few times over the years. Boise is just too big and too busy, you know? She told the judge that if I had custody and I was called away on a fire, I wouldn't have anyone to watch the boys." He let out a bitter chuckle that was as icy as the air. "She was right, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. The judge told me I had to find a more stable job. I figured a small town like Sawyer would have a lot less call-outs, and I don't have to sleep at the station when I'm on duty. The judge said that after six months of stability, he'll revisit the issue. Until then, I get the boys every other weekend."
"Except when your ex stands you up?"
"Yeah, except then," he replied dryly.
Hamlet returned with his ball, dropping the sodden mess at her feet. He flopped down, finally admitting that he was worn out.
Pulling the ziplock bag out of her pocket that she carried for just this reason, she slipped the frozen chunk of slobber and ice into the protective bag before placing it back in her pocket.
"You must love your sons a lot," she commented softly while clipping the leash to Hamlet's collar.
"Yeah, I do," Jaxson said, equally as softly. "I'll do anything for them. Including moving to the ass-end of the earth to impress a damn judge."
They walked for a while in silence. As they got closer to Jaxson's place, she felt her steps shorten. She wanted to stretch this time out as much as possible before Jaxson found out the truth about her and didn't want to be around her anymore.
Despite her sluggish pace, they reach the front steps of his apartment building all too quickly.
"Thanks for walking with me," she told him quietly. Dammit all, it was a hell of a lot more fun to go with Jaxson than it was to go by herself.
That was not something she was willing to spend too much time dwelling on.
He looked down at her in the semi-darkness, the sun having set long ago. The street lamp on the corner cast deep shadows across his face, making him look mysterious.
A stranger.
Which he was, really. In all the ways that mattered, he was.
He reached up and stroked his fingers across her cheek, and then ran his thumb across her lower lip. She wanted to nibble on his thumb. She wanted to flick her tongue out and touch it.
Actually, she wanted to do a lot more than that.
"You want that cup of coffee now?" Jaxson asked huskily. "I'm sure you could use a warm-up."
"No," she said, some part of her still sane. Still rational. Shaking her head and backing away from his hand, she pulled on Hamlet's leash. "Bakery hours are awful early. I need to get to bed."
Which was a lie; she didn't work on the weekends. Holli, a high school student, picked up all of those hours. But she needed something to protect herself, even if it was a small white lie.
She spun around, half walking, half jogging away from Jaxson. Away from temptation. Away from the pain that lay in choosing to be with someone.