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Chapter 9

"Sure you don't want me to come over?"

I want Savvy to spend the night, but she'll make the whole thing about Alex, about what he did and what he said, what he meant by this and that and I really don't want to hear it. She'll blow the whole thing out of proportion, and I'll spend the entire night trying not to strangle her.

"No. It's fine. Besides," I tug at a loose thread in my comforter, "I can't sleep in the nude if you're here."

"Sure you can."

"Why don't you go ahead and confess that you're in love with me."

"HA!" Savvy barks. "If anyone's in love with anyone, it's you who's in love with me. Admit it. This has been going on since junior high."

"You got me. I'm in love. The whole you-copying-my-homework-thing really sealed the deal." I roll my eyes.

She giggles and then it dies down to a pause. "Seriously, though - nothing? No flirting? No coy stares? No wild monkey sex?" A moment. "Nothing?"

She's going to keep getting disappointed; I don't understand why she continues to ask. "Hate to break it to you, but nope."

"Maybe you're missing it?"

"Pretty sure I wouldn't miss wild monkey sex."

"Autumn."

I flip the phone to my other ear, starting to get annoyed. "Why are you being so weird about this?"

"I'm not being weird. I'm just saying - he Michelangelo'd you for Christ's sake! Like, who does that?"

"They were just drawings."

"A freaky amount."

"It was three years ago."

Savvy audibly sighs. She's irritated with this whole thing, especially me and my lack of excitement. Not one to give up, she tries a different tactic. "You at least have to admit the boy is hot."

I roll my eyes. "Okay, sure. The boy is hot."

"So you admit it!"

"You just admitted he was hot! I think it's like, an understood thing."

"Okay...but how do you feel about him? Do you like him?"

Do I like Alex?

There is something, something small, something I don't understand, something I can't quite describe because I don't know what it is. But it's sitting in the very bottom of my chest, like a seed, a seed with potential to grow into something special.

"If you're not going to get on him - and I totally think you should - what about one of his cute musician friends? Come on. He's got to have the hookup."

"I don't know anything about cute musician friends." I jump off of my bed. I've been meaning to brush my teeth for the past twenty minutes, but Savvy's constant questioning has kept me busy, and now it's getting to the point where my mouth is starting to feel gross.

Heading to the bathroom, I grab my toothbrush and run it under the water, generously applying the toothpaste. "Actually, that's not true."

"Okay...?"

"He's in a band. It's called - get ready for this - Chronic Rage."

I start brushing, waiting on her comment, but nothing. Crickets. It's throwing me because usually, Savvy makes a joke at any opportunity. But she hasn't said a word. "Hello?"

"You are not telling me Alex Wolf plays in Chronic Rage."

"Uh..." I say through a mouthful of toothpaste and water. "That is what I'm telling you."

"Autumn!"

"What?"

"It's Chronic Rage," she squeals. "Chronic Rage!"

"So?"

She scoffs, loud and annoyed so I know she means it. "They're the ones I was telling you about! Remember? Lauren said she heard this really amazing band and she thinks they're going out for Battle of the Bands this year. I know I told you. And that's the band she was talking about - Chronic Rage! Can you believe that? Battle of the Bands!"

"Oh, I'm sorry." I rinse and spit. "I think you're confusing me with someone who knows what you're talking about."

"How have you not heard of them?"

"How have you?"

"You haven't seen their flyers? Oh, wait. That's because you lock yourself inside painting every night instead of having a real life."

"I do have a real life. It's called getting into art school." I head to my bedroom, preparing myself for another speech about why I need to work, work, work but when I glance at my nightstand clock, I change my mind. It's too late to get into it with her, and I still have some painting I want to get done. "Speaking of..."

"What? You want to get off the phone with me now so you can paint? I'm starting to think you love those brushes more than me."

"Savvy, I love nothing more than you. Except maybe chocolate. I really love chocolate."

She exhales. "You sure you don't want me to spend the night?"

"No. I'm okay. But thanks."

"Call me tomorrow?"

"When do I not call you tomorrow?"

"Exactly."

"Later."

"Later."

I hang up and toss the phone on my bed, then throw both arms over my head in a long stretch. I glance at the easel propped up in the corner. There's so much I've still got to do to get it ready for the Frida Kahlo Competition, and I'm not sure how to get to the next level. Even with Mrs. Harper's help, I'm missing something. I know I am.

The animated sound of a door distracts me. I look at my computer, at the new screen name under my Buddy List.

Wolfboy16.

Savvy's words rush back, especially the part about the band. Is Chronic Rage really that big a deal? Wouldn't Alex have told me if it was? I probably should've asked a few follow-up questions, but it's never too late.

Right?

Plopping into my computer chair, I pull up his screenname, hoping I'm not crossing some strange boundary by messaging him about something other than the project. Chewing my lip, I type out my one-word greeting.

Paintress87: hey

I stare at the computer, wondering if this was a bad idea. Maybe I should've given it a little bit longer. He just got online; he probably thinks I've been sitting here waiting for him. Like I'm stalking him. I don't want him to think that. Suddenly, I regret even sending the message.

Wolfboy16: hey

Instant relief washes over me. I'm surprised how happy I am he doesn't think I'm a weirdo, and that he responded as quickly as he did. I continue to chew my lip, still worried about bringing this onto AIM. He might have wanted to keep our interaction strictly school-related. But I've already reached out - can't back out now.

Paintress87: am I bothering you?

Wolfboy16: no

Wolfboy16: whats up?

I let out a breath, my heart pounding faster. Is it strange to ask about his band? He only told me the name and that Corey places the Bass Guitar. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get more details, is there? I remind myself that I'm asking for Savvy. She wanted to know about cute musicians, so I can always blame it on her if he asks.

Paintress87: how many people are in your band?

Wolfboy16: sean jordan corey and me

Paintress87: any of them cute?

Wolfboy16: well sean has dreamy eyes

I bark out a laugh. I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't that. I guess I assumed I'd be getting the aloof Alex, the serious-faced version of the boy I hardly know. But now that I'm getting to know him a little, maybe that's not a version at all. Maybe that's the mask.

Wolfboy16: and corey has a nice butt

Paintress87: does he?

Wolfboy16: oh yeah

Wolfboy16: why?

Wolfboy16: ?

Here comes the time to blame it on the bestie.

Paintress87: I told Savvy you were in a band and she wanted to know if you had any cute musician friends

Wolfboy16: I'm the cutest

Paintress87: obviously

Paintress87: but she needs options

A long minute passes, and there's nothing. Crickets. Did I do something? Say something? Rolling my bottom lip between my teeth, I realize I'm nervous again. Really nervous. Nervous at having chased him away, at having overstepped some invisible boundary.

Wolfboy16: u should come by the garage

Wolfboy16: bring savvy she can meet the band

Is he inviting us to watch him play? Or is it just so Savvy can meet the band? Does it matter? My heart pounds even faster, my lip sore from all of my chewing. I lean over the keyboard, the question rolling from my fingers.

Paintress87: when?

Wolfboy16: we're having a show next weekend

Wolfboy16: sat night

Wow.

An actual invitation. Do I want to watch Alex play? Yes. Yes, I do. Now that I'm thinking about it, I cannot wait until I see him with a guitar in his hands. The image of an old rock concert flashes to mind, and I smile.

Paintress87: should I bring my lighter?

Wolfboy16: only if you plan on smoking

Paintress87: can't

Paintress87: pregnant, remember?

Wolfboy16: that was a test

I smile at the screen, confused by my ridiculous reaction. For once, I'm glad no one's home to see this goofy expression I'm rocking.

Wolfboy16: so what r u doin?

Paintress87: nothing

I glance over at my canvas in the corner. What I should be doing is painting, but I needed a break from yesterday. With the weekend tomorrow, I've got two solid days to get more work done in time for the Frida Khalo Competition.

Paintress87: I should be painting

Paintress87: you?

Wolfboy16: what should u b painting?

My fingers fly to the keyboard, ready to spill everything about the contest and going to art school and what it means to me - pretty much everything I've been thinking about since school started, back when Mrs. Harper announced the list of art contests for this academic year. The Frida Khalo is the second, and I'm still waiting to hear back on the first. Sometimes, I feel like such an amateur, but you've got to throw your name in the hat if anything's going to happen, right?

Paintress87: myself

The word looks narcissistic, and I immediately feel an urge to defend it.

Paintress87: it's themed

Wolfboy16: what is?

Oh, right. He doesn't know. Or maybe...he does? I'm sure Alex has heard about the contest in whatever art class he's taking, and he must be taking one because his sketches are on the Open Wall.

Paintress87: an art contest

Paintress87: you might've heard of it Frida Kahlo?

Wolfboy16: nope

Paintress87: sure you have

Wolfboy16: nope

I know he's heard of it; every art teacher at Grant practically endorses the thing - it's like, the big-shot competition, one of the highest acclaimed contests for high school students. Winning this would be like bringing home a gold medal, so I don't see how Alex missed it.

Paintress87: it's a big deal

Paintress87: it looks good on college applications

He doesn't respond, and I wonder if he was just asking to be polite. I sort of rambled on there for a bit, but I didn't want it to seem like I was being weird and painting myself. It was important for him to understand.

Paintress87: so what are you doing?

Wolfboy16: about to play

Paintress87: what are you about to play?

Wolfboy16: some music I wrote

Alex writes music? The fact that he can play music is totally awesome, but knowing he writes it makes me feel like maybe I've been underestimating him.

Paintress87: what kind of music do you write?

Wolfboy16: just songs

When he doesn't elaborate, I slump in my seat. Maybe he doesn't want me to know. Maybe I've overstepped another boundary, and this is an off-the-table-subject, even if he did invite me to next Saturday.

Paintress87: think you'll play something in the talent show?

Wolfboy16: nope

Paintress87: come on? Where's your school pride?

Paintress87: go cougars!

Wolfboy16: why don't YOU enter?

Paintress87: Go up there and paint? Yeah, that'll get the crowd going

I don't have the kind of skill that can entertain people. Not in the immediate sense. I like making pretty pictures using pretty colors that make you forget you live in reality. But Alex - if he's any good - has the kind of talent suited for shows that allow a brief few minutes for people to show what they can do. I'd need a couple of days to produce something worthy of being shared, and even then, I'd just hold it up.

Wolfboy16: when do u submit for FK?

Paintress87: next week

Paintress87: it's not ready though

I rest my fingers on the keys, deciding to go ahead and ask. If he can inquire, then so can I.

Paintress87: are you writing songs for your band or yourself?

Wolfboy16: both

Paintress87: do you sing or just play?

Wolfboy16: both

I stare at the screen, wondering if I should pelt him with more questions. He's not going to just give away the information; he'll make me work for it. I'll have to dig little by little, hoping he's in a generous enough mood when I ask. But I think I did good for tonight. Besides, he's about to get offline anyway.

Paintress87: well I guess I'll let you go

Paintress87: if you're about to play

He doesn't say anything and I'm wondering if he's going to change his mind, find some excuse to stay online so we can keep talking. Finally, after a long pause, Alex responds.

Wolfboy16: ok

Disappointed, I remind myself I only needed to ask about the cute musician friends, which I accomplished. Everything else was just extra. We'll see each other again on Monday, and just knowing I have to reassure myself of that makes me realize that getting offline is probably a good idea.

Paintress87: ok

Paintress87: bye

Wolfboy16: later

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